Career vs Love: Which Would You Pick?

Published by Kelvin on December 27th, 2007 in Career Development, Work/Life | 24 Comments

While browsing through Penelope Trunk's blog, I came across an interesting post on how crazy her life became when she started writing two columns, a blog and started publicity for her book. Boy, could I relate.

At the height of my law school "career," I was a debater with the St. Thomas More Debate Society, a rising editor of the Ateneo Law Journal, a columnist for the Sunstar Davao and had a new, budding relationship with the girl of my dreams.

This was on top of the already heavy load of being a law student. I had a "career" and the love of my life, all at one time.

Yeah, I went a little crazy around then. I started sleeping less, never even bothered to communicate with my family (who all started wondering where I was always disappearing to), always studied at the last minute, ate tons of fast food and was irritable everyday.

The quality of everything I was doing suffered — lousy arguments when debating, stupid editing mistakes, haphazard studying, missed dates with my dream-girl — the works.

The worst was when I had to stay overnight in school to do the finishing touches on an issue of the Law Journal. It was Valentine's Day. I postponed a special date to the next night, only to realize that I had completely forgotten to get her a gift.

Her tears at dinner made me feel guilty for a long long time. Even more…

I want to say that was the turning point, that I realized I had to change my ways and focus on my relationship. Unfortunately, I didn't.

I had become a workaholic. I enjoyed all of my responsibilities and the perception that I was a rising law student — someone meant for greater things. It turns out I really wasn't, but you would be surprised at how far self-deception can take you.

In my head, I was supposed to be a great lawyer and have a grand career in the legal profession. I enjoyed this idea so much that I wound up neglecting my dream-girl. And even then, her tears weren't the turning point. Mine were.

The turning point came when my dream-girl wanted out of the relationship. There were plenty of tears then. Most of them mine.

My world came crashing down. My crazy life went crazier. Because of other controversies in my life, I even wound up leaving the Law Journal. And even worse, my studies suffered greatly.

To make a very long (and oh-so-tragic) story short, I realized that there were other things more important than one's career. I realized how the stress in my life and way too much work had changed my priorities and even changed the way I looked at things.
I had chosen my future career as a lawyer over the love of my life winding up with almost nothing in the process.

To coin a cliche, it is only when something is gone that you learn to appreciate it.

I'm not sure how, but my dream-girl and I did manage to get back together. It took a lot of hard work and a lot of changes in my life, but it also took a lot of patience and understanding in hers. She saw that a life in law (such as mine) demanded a lot, but that if we worked together, we could have a wonderful life together.

So we got back together, and in fact, we are already in the midst of planning our future. I've learned to slow down and focus on only a few things at a time. But best of all, I saw how much I love her, and that if ever I would be placed in a position to choose between career and love again, I would choose love in a heartbeat.

Sometimes when I'm with her, I steal glances at her face when she isn't looking and I think about how lucky I am.

Lucky in what? Why, in love of course.

Yes, I know that's a cliche too. So what? That's the way I feel. I can only hope she feels the same way too.

Choose love.

How To Network Without Really Trying

Published by Kelvin on October 3rd, 2007 in Career Development, Work | 19 Comments

Let's be frank. You can't get anywhere in your career without doing a little bit of networking. It's a necessity in the business world.

In China, guanxi (relationships), are vital to getting things done. In the Philippines, it's the same thing. If you have many kakilala (acquaintances), you are bound to get what you need. In Iran, having a large collection of ashnas (important contacts) is a badge of honor one wears proudly on his chest.

It seems as if it's not what you know, but WHO you know.

You won't know many people (and have many contacts) if you don't network. How do you do it unobtrusively then, and without raising eyebrows? Or without looking like you are trying to network?

Here are a couple of simple tips on how to network without really trying:

1. Never turn down an invitation to meet, have coffee or lunch with someone — I first heard Sam Davidson of CoolPeopleCare mention this on Rebecca Thorman's blog, Modite, and I find it to be a simple but effective way to network. No matter what country you are in, or what culture you are dealing with, people inevitably invite you to have coffee or lunch. Just say "yes." Go talk to the person and you'll be surprised at how easy networking really is.

2. Join a Club — Everyone has hobbies. So go join a club and meet people with mutual interests. It's easier to meet people, break the ice and talk when you already know what they are interested in.

A lawyer friend of mine recently discovered the wonders of golf, spent a fortune learning how to play, then joined a country club. He now meets potential clients through mingling with golfers. And he does this without looking like an ambulance-chasing lawyer. Plus, even if he doesn't get clients or contacts, he still gets to golf, something which he has grown to love!

3. Start your own blog or website — Having your own website is an amazing way to let people know about you. You can make your presence known online and let others reach you with no problem. For example, back in my university days, I made a website for what was then my greatest passion – Anime. I put my heart and soul into that website, all in an effort to share with the world my fascination of all things Anime.

Because of the website (which is now, sadly, lost in oblivion), I was lucky enough to be interviewed by a local TV producer as an "expert" on Anime. Now I know a TV producer. And I was on TV. How cool is that?

4. Get Published — I write for a local newspaper, the Sunstar Davao. It isn't a full-time thing, just something I do because I like to write. My email address is included at the end of my articles, and sometimes the mail I get comes from all over the world. I've swapped emails with readers and have even gotten invitations to meet with them if I'm ever in their area, a warm gesture, considering I have yet to meet them face-to-face.

To get published, contact newspapers or magazines or even blogs and ask if they are on the lookout for an article or two. If you don't have the time to write a full-blown article, you could start out by writing letters to the editor of your local newspaper. When you do get published, make sure there is a way for your readers to reach you. Those readers could be future friends and/or contacts!

5. Go to parties and talk to strangers — Sure, everyone goes to parties. But most people go to parties and only stick to people they know. They don't even bother to talk to the quiet guy in the corner, or to the girl sitting by the buffet table. Why not? Because they don't know them. Which is a pity.

Throw away that shyness or any semblance of cliquishness and talk to that guy/girl you don't know at the party. Who knows, he/she may wind up being your next big contact (or even boyfriend/girlfriend. Talk about a lucky bonus).

ONE BIG WARNING — Never make it seem like you are networking just for the sake of networking. That will surely turn people off. Especially if you are trying to network in more conservative countries in Asia, like the Philippines or China.