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Ryan Healy is a recent college graduate. He is a founder of 
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I’m stressed out. I’m stressed about money. I’m stressed because we’re rolling out a big feature that should change the way people interact on Brazen Careerist. I’m stressed because we can’t seem to hit a development deadline to save our lives. And I’m stressed because I’m traveling to New York and Boston all next week, right in the middle of all this chaos. But most of all I’m stressed because after what happened on Monday, I think that being stressed out is a total waste of time, yet I continue to do it.
My friend, Valerie Ludwig, passed away on Monday morning. She had been sick for a few years, but as far as I knew, she was doing much better. We’d drifted apart since High School. Sophomore and junior year we were close. We traveled in the same group. My guy friends dated her girl friends. We hung out on the weekends. She was a great person. Always happy. Always smiling. Always having a good time.
When I got the call from Andrea on Monday morning, I had eerie flashbacks to junior year of high school. It was too similar to the morning I found out about my friend Mike passing away in a car accident the night before.
I pictured Val at Mike’s funeral with the rest of our group, tearful, sad, and most of all confused about how something like this could happen to a 16 year old kid. I remembered Val at my best friend Ben’s father’s wake three years ago. I walked out of the funeral home, balling my eyes out after a tearful encounter with Ben and his mother. Guess who was there to comfort me? Val, strong and compassionate, she gave me a huge hug and told me everything would be ok.
Now it’s her turn. Her wake is tonight. I can’t be there. I wish I could. Now she’s gone and it just doesn’t seem fair. Nobody should die at 25.
I’ve come to find out that she was sick for a long time. She was on steroids that changed the way she looked. But she was never down. At our high school reunion, she looked a little different but she was the same old Val. Happy as hell and chatting with everyone – from the theatre kids, to the bandies to the jocks, she didn’t care. She never cared. She was never stressed. Or at least she never let it show.
And that’s why I was so disappointed in myself for stressing out. I have a good life. I have a healthy family. I have great friends. I have an amazing girlfriend. I’m doing exactly what I wanted to do with my career. Why stress about the little things?
Then I spoke with a mentor of mine. I told him how silly and unimportant all of this stuff seems when you hear about something so tragic. He told me it’s not silly. It is important. We’re put here to do something – to make a difference. What we do with our lives should be very important to us. So we continued on and talked business.
Tragedy will happen more and more as we get older. When it does, we sit back and reflect, but unfortunately we probably forget too soon. And we go on stressing out about life.
But you know what; I’m not going to forget. Maybe for an hour, maybe for a day, and maybe even for a week, I’ll get wrapped up in my own head and my own worries. But somehow, I’ll remind myself of Val and how she handled her hardships – real hardships, and I’ll snap out of it.
But I will continue to care about the things that are important in my life. And for me, with caring comes stress, and that’s ok. I just can’t let the stress consume me and bring me down. Instead, I’ll put it to good use and fight like hell for my friends, my family, my company, my career and whatever else is stressing me out. Because that’s what Val did, she fought like hell for her life. And even though she didn’t win that fight, she made the world she left behind a better place for everyone who knew her. And that’s what really matters.
Rest in Peace, Val.
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My thoughts are with you Ryan. We all get caught up with the things that take up time in our daily lives that sometimes we need to reflect on the people, things and memories that got us here in the 1st place.
Just heartbreaking Ryan.
A friend of mine died when she during her first couple of months at college, and I still remember her as one of the most vibrant, warm, generous people I ever met. That was 20 years ago.
Find your own way to grieve in your own time, and don’t forget.
One thing I have to say about stress and work though. I’m forever showing people that real joy and the richest experiences come from engaging with what matters to you, but watch that you don’t confuse caring about something with it having to cause stress. It doesn’t.
You can still care deeply about what matters to you, plug into those things and have it be simple and light. Ask yourself, “How can this be easier?” and you’ll find a way to put your experience back to one of simple engagement and away from one of stress and struggle.
Ryan,
What a moving tribute and such a good message for us all. It’s so easy to get caught up in things - big things, little things, things, and forget the real value of every moment as it passes.
My thoughts and prayers are with and all the friends and family going through these difficult emotions right now.
She looks and sounds like she was a beautiful young woman. How great that she could touch your life, and surely others, in that short time.
In early April I lost one of my best friends and my grandfather in one week. I went into shock. Literally. My weight dropped way too low. It was too much for me. But I was also forced to focus on self-care. I needed to eat, to sleep, to rest, to mourn and to spend time doing the things that made me feel comfortable and at peace, not to stress about everything else.
Things are important and we do get stressed out. The best way to live in both scenarios is one day at a time. All I have is today. I still makes plans and do things for tomorrow, like pay bills, work, save, etc. but my attitude is different. Stress doesn’t seem that huge because I can only do what I can today. I don’t worry about what I have to do tomorrow, because it isn’t here yet. That leaves me the room to appreciate everything else around me today, also.
Ryan, you’re the man and great tribute here. It will be good to see you once again at the Ypulse event. Until then, take care and keep your head up. I have a lot of confidence in you and your team.
Very moving post Ryan. I’m sorry to hear about the passing of your friend.
I stress about the little things as well. It’s so hard not to get caught up in your own little world and feel that you’re the only one that has problems. When you take a step back and look at everything holistically, you realize that it’s not really as bad as you thought.
Keep up what you’re doing in life because you’re doing great things.
- Jun
Ryan, what a fantastic post about the importance of maintaining perspective. It sounds like you’re dealing with a lot right now. Please let me know if I can help you with anything. I’ll be keeping Val in my thoughts.
- Chris
Thanks to everyone for all the kind words and well wishes. She truly was a great person and will be missed.
Great post Ryan, very touching.
I felt moved when I read your post. Though it was very tragic that your friend died, the way she led her life inspired you to ponder and reflect constructively. Glad it helped you make some big realizations about your life. Keep powering on, Ryan.
Hello Ryan,
I had close friends pass away at the ages of 25, 28, and 32, so I get where you’re coming from. But the older we get, the more of “life’s experiences” happen to us, and the more perspective we get. I learned not to sweat the small stuff for the most part, but you sometimes find yourself reverting back to old ways. But all-in-all, the older we get, the more we understand that they day’s little hiccups shouldn’t control our stress levels.
Great post, my friend …