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Ryan Paugh graduated from Penn State in 2006 with a Bachelor's Degree in Journalism and a minor in Business. After working in corporate communications, freelance writing and reporting, he co-founded 
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I have anxiety. And not the kind you get when employee reviews come around either. I’m talking about clinically-diagnosed, heart-palpitating, mind-numbing anxiety. It sucks. But I’ve learned to live with it.
The reason I’m sharing this is because the transition into adulthood is hard enough without having to deal with a mental defect. And considering that one out of every ten Americans suffer from some sort of depression, there are bound to be a few readers out there snagged by the mental funk I’ve dealt with for awhile now.
When I first started working on Brazen Careerist, I had a serious relapse of anxiety attacks. One thing that’s really difficult about startup culture is that it lacks the structure that most corporate jobs embrace and many people who deal with anxiety need. So to get a grip, I had to make some changes in my life.
But it really doesn’t matter what type of work environment you’re in. It’s easy to become paralyzed in any setting. And there’s nothing we can do to prevent it reflecting on us. Anxiety and depression are not visible handicaps, so we don’t get a reprieve.
The simple truth is I never wanted a reprieve. So I tailored my life to my condition and became a better man for it. Think you’re like me? Then check out what I do to keep myself level. Maybe it’ll change your life.
Don’t put yourself in a box.
Easier said than done when you’re sitting in a cubicle, but when I was in a corporate setting, I took every opportunity I could to get up and walk around. If I didn’t, I started to get nervous.
Today, I take a break from the office at midday and walk my dog. If you have an opportunity to get outside during the day, it’s the best medicine for an anxiety-inflicted brain. Between the fresh air, the openness, and the change of focus, it’s a great way to put your head back on straight.
If you choose to stay at your desk and fight the urge to get up, you’re just fighting your anxiety. And you don’t fight anxiety, you suppress it.
Find structure.
Like I mentioned, depressed people sometimes need structure to make things work, especially the anxious ones.
We’re a lot like dogs (seriously). Regularity keeps us happy. Variability means we’re probably going to annoy you. And we’re generally really fun to be around as long as you deal with us in the right way.
So create a life for yourself that’s organized. It won’t always work, but people who make the effort do much better than those who don’t.
Give yourself things to look forward to.
While you’re searching for structure, make sure you give yourself little gifts here and there. It doesn’t have to be an everyday thing, and it probably shouldn’t. There’s such a thing as too much structure in everyone’s life, so to compensate you have to throw in some random fun to keep yourself sane.
I personally like doing a Tuesday-night happy hour. And who doesn’t? But alcohol isn’t always the answer, especially for mental conditions. So find some other activities you can turn into a gift and plant them randomly throughout your weeks.
I like to play darts with my neighbors and unwind. I don’t do it every day. But when I do, it’s like free therapy. Even when I lose.
Have a good friend on speed dial.
If you’ve never experienced anxiety, depression, or any other form of mental illness, you might not think it’s even legit. And that’s okay. I’ve run into a lot of people like this. I used to be one of them.
The problem is that such thinking makes it really difficult for those who do suffer from anxiety to cope with it. Because nobody really gets what the hell is going on.
What I do is rely on someone like me – a friend who deals with the same crap I do – to talk me through any temporary lapses I may have. Because having an anxiety disorder is a lot like being an alcoholic. Unless you suffer from the disease yourself, it’s really going to be hard to talk someone down from an attack when you don’t know what terrible feelings they’re stuck with.
This person could be family, a friend, or anyone, but whoever it is, make sure they’re reliable. There’s nothing more frustrating than putting your faith in someone who can’t deliver.
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Thanks for writing openly, Ryan. It’s good to see the workplace changing such that depression and anxiety are not stigmatizing as they were in the past.
In a lot of ways, things are much better than when I started my first “real” job in 1985. I remember going out to lunch with my boss. On the way (he drove) he reached over me into the glove compartment and pulled out a flask. I was too nervous and inexperienced to say no. The rest of the afternoon was a sleepy blur, but I learned never went to lunch with him again.
Was he depressed? Probably so. Would a man 20 years ago admit it? Highly unlikely.
Logically, I know I’m not the only one out there feeling this way, but it’s nice to hear I’m not th eonly out there feeling this way. Thank you for being so open about it. It’s especially tough when you are put into a job because your bosses think you can do it, but you don’t think you can dot it! A lot of my anxiety comes from self doubt, and the self doubt isn’t helped by the anxiety. What’s been nice to realize is that it does come in cycles - it’s NOT constant, at least not for me. Thank goodness for small favors, right?
I have always been an anxious person. My friends like to joke that I’m OCD. But at my first post-college job, I experienced actual panic attacks. It was terrifying. I felt like something was sitting on my lungs, and I couldn’t breathe. So I sympathize with you.
One thing you left out of your post is seeking medical help. Anxiety and depression are diseases, and they are treatable. That doesn’t necessarily mean Xanax or anti-depressants, but those are options.
If you haven’t already, please talk to a doctor.
Thank you, Ryan.
Alec: Interesting story. Thank you for sharing it. Sounds like a bad combo…a depressed boss who boozes at lunch.
I like that you brought up that times are changing. Because I’d like to say they are. I’m still unsure though. I don’t see that many people admitting their weaknesses for the world to see. But maybe if we did we wouldn’t be so uptight at the office. Or have to hide a flask in our glove compartment.
Amanda: It comes in cycles for me too. Some seasons are even worse than others. Very strange, but true.
A.J.: You’re right about seeking medical help. I was clinically diagnosed 2 years ago, but if you’re someone who thinks they have a problem you should really let a doctor check you out. My experience has shown me that it’s not necessarily going to fix the problem right away — doctors have a hard time prescribing the right treatment — but it will at least calm you down. Knowing what’s wrong is half the battle.
Matt: You’re welcome!
Ryan,
Thank-you so much for this post. I have dealt with a great deal of anxiety since I was about 16. I have managed all with a lot of support and biofeedback. And…all I have to say is that there is light at the end of the tunnel. The steps you are taking are moving you in the direction of finding the calm in the midst of the storm. I will remember this post, and you have a lot of guts to talk about if. A LOT of people are going to benefit from your openness. Thank-you1
Bea
Ryan,
Thank you for writing about such a widespread problem that so many do not want to admit.
Joy
As long as you keep using terms like “mental defects”, you’re part of the problem. Your brain is part of your body, yo.
Bea & Joy: You’re very welcome!
HR Wench: I’m lost. I don’t get it…please explain, yo.
Perhaps it wouldn’t bother you if someone said that since you have anxiety attacks you have a “mental defect” but it sure bothers me. We’re trying to get away from stigmatizing things, right?
Thanks for your honesty Ryan.
I have friends and family that deal with depression, anxiety, and bi-polarism (is that a word…?). It’s tough to deal with, and I have to constantly remind myself not to blame the sufferer for their behavior.
While its important for the sufferer to get help, I think it’s equally beneficial for family and friends to talk to an expert too.
Thank you for your honest and open discussion about your condition, Ryan. You have opened a door for those who have been suffering with the same or similar conditions, to share ideas and information. And it helps to know we are not alone.
Kudos to you, Ryan.
And I agree that alcohol is not best when suffering from anxiety. It can even bring on anxiety or aggravate it. Here is a link to a web site that has some good information on alcohol and anxiety.
www.anxiety-disorder-help.com/alcohol-and-anxiety.html
Thanks again.
HR Wench: We spend way too much time worrying about how we word things. I don’t mind making light of my problems because if I didn’t they would be bigger problems.
I don’t think by calling anxiety a “mental defect” I’m really stigmatizing anything. Anyone who clinically suffers from it knows that it’s something we’d rather not live with — a handicap, flaw, defect, whatever you want to call it. And those who don’t, well they’re going to think what they want regardless of what we call it.
So is it really that stigmatizing? I know know…I do kind of see your point.
I know it can be / feel different when you are talking about something that you “own”. But remember, others own this unfortunate set of circumstances as well. That is all I’m sayin’.
Go Ryan. I love EE and of course the official Brazen Careerist site. However, there is a tendency for me to feel wildly unsuccessful compared to the bloggers I read everyday. I average about 4 years older & have only recently figured out the things you guys seem to grasp straight out of college. Then today as I’m making my daily rounds at BC I come across Michael Cecchin’s post. I’m thinking: Great, now not only am I not superhuman, but apparently the medication I take means I am incapable of feeling life.
So, when I read a post like this it reminds me not all of you are god-like Type A’s running on no sleep and cases of Red Bull on the fast track to ‘having it all’. In the past few weeks I have read about Penelope’s bulimia, Holly’s alcoholism and now your anxiety struggles (Is that better then defect?). I have gone a several rounds with depression & anxiety myself going back to my freshman year of high school. There is something incredibly comforting knowing you can be imperfect and successful. It may sound obvious, but taken as a whole group the bloggers on BC come off as extraordinary. Knowing something personal like this actually lends more credence to the other articles people write.
So congrats to you guys on being just like the rest of us. =P
@ HR Wench: trying to convince myself that my anxiety wasn’t something that was really wrong with the way my brain worked, and that it was just me being myself, and that that meant intense fear and cyclical depression — *that* was stigmatizing. Realizing and admitting that something was wrong — defective, not working properly — was the real challenge.
I understand what you’re getting at in your comments, especially with how it can feel different when talking about something you “own,” but I think it’s far more damaging to suggest that a brain cannot be defective simply by virtue of the fact that it’s part of your body.
Your heart can be defective; your knees can be defective; your eyes can be defective. We all have parts of our bodies that don’t work perfectly. Trying to exclude the brain from that is why so many people never seek help for psychological problems.
Brendan: I am not disputing the technicial definition of the word “defect”. Nor am I suggesting that a brain and/or body is NOT defective if it has a diagnosis of Panic Disorder (or whatevs). The phrase “mental defect” simply bothers me. This is because I feel it is much easier for people in general to understand AND keep their stereotypes to a lower simmer when we call things by their scientific names: Panic Disorder, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Diabetes, Sickle Cell Anemia, Double Amputee, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Paraplegia, HIV, etc. I’m not trying to be a stick in the mud, I’m just saying if you want to promote understanding and compassion, using a term that focuses on the “mental” part of what’s wrong with you is probably not the express-train to your goal. If you would like to have a “mental defect”, please go right ahead. But I prefer to have “Panic Disorder”.
Then you’re talking about different levels of classification…
Words cannot explain the relief I feel with reading this. I thought I was the only person who got those anxious feelings. GOD BLESS YOU, I WILL SLEEP MUCH BETTER TONIGHT KNOWING ITS NOT JUST ME!
Brendan - No, I’m not. I’m talking about preference of language on a sensitive (for some) topic.
Regardless of what we decide to call something or how sensitive we are about being politically correct, I think we can all agree that it’s a step in the right direction to be able to discuss it.
@ Chris: I’m really happy that you’re relieved. You’re certainly not alone.
Thanks everyone for this discussion. How do you cope with your aniexty during the day? My aniexty at work is lack of self confidence. I have the formal education and experience but lack the confidence and as a manager I need confidence if nothing else.