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Ryan Paugh graduated from Penn State in 2006 with a Bachelor's Degree in Journalism and a minor in Business. After working in corporate communications, freelance writing and reporting, he co-founded 
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Last night, Penelope had a dinner date, but nobody to watch her children. So being the great co-workers that we are, Ryan and I put Cinco de Mayo on hold and spent an evening getting to know her two sons. They’re both very smart kids, and I learned a lot from them—a lot about leadership, surprisingly enough.
Eye contact can make or break your message.
Like all older brothers, Penelope’s older boy would not stop picking on the younger one. As often as I would say “Stop,” sure enough, two seconds later they were back to wrestling on the floor.
Why wasn’t this working? My approach sucked. I was on the other side of the room, eating a buffalo chicken salad. I might as well have sent him an email saying, “Stop picking on your little brother.”
So I decided to get up and look him in the eye. “Hey, I need you to calm down, and leave your brother alone.”
“Okay,” he said. And he did.
Think about the last time your supervisor criticized you from a distance. Was it effective? Probably not.
The best way for a leader to make an impression and affect some change is through face-to-face interaction. Otherwise, all you’re saying is that you really don’t care that much, at least not enough to cowboy up and put your foot down like you mean it.
Reverse psychology works…sometimes.
We spent some of the night outside playing with my puppy. The kids loved it. And I figured I was both keeping the kids occupied and tiring out the dog before I put him to bed. Great productivity, right?
Eventually it was time to go in. Luring kids back inside was about as hard as the puppy. So I figured I’d do what I usually do for the puppy, lure with food.
I told the kids that maybe there’s ice cream in the freezer and that we could have some if we went in. Instant success.
It turns out there was no ice cream, which sucked because now I had kids on my hands who wanted sweets. Back to wrestling–but you get the point.
Okay, calling reverse psychology “leadership” sounds a little twisted, so think of it as offering rewards for doing something you know your employees don’t want to do.
Maybe let them go home early if they meet a tight deadline, or you can buy them lunch. Get creative. Just make sure you can deliver. Because like a kid who doesn’t get his ice cream your employees’ disappointment will not be good for you in the long run.
Know when (and when not) to check in.
We finally got the kids to calm down by putting on an episode of Scooby-Doo. And Ryan and I took that opportunity to go in the other room to relax.
Five minutes went by and I felt the urge to check on the kids. Things sounded pretty quiet, but when you’re 24 and you have no idea how to deal with kids, you check in a lot.
The moment I walked in the room, the puppy followed. And with the puppy comes playtime, again.
If you’re a manager, it’s good to check in on your employees. It shows that you care, and it keeps them focused on what you want them to focus on. But don’t overdo it. Too much distraction will pull anyone off focus. Know when to back off and let things be.
Rules are good, but not too many rules.
Penelope’s younger son wanted to climb up on the counter and get a cup. I said he wasn’t allowed on the counter. When he asked why I said, “It’s against the rules.”
He said, “Rules make me tired.”
And you know what? That’s true: rules make us all tired. So one key to being a good leader is knowing when to bend or break the rules. If you’re cringing right now, just hear me out.
A manager’s best workers already know when to bend or break a rule. They know that to get the job done the way you want it, protocols sometime have to be modified.
You should know when it’s okay too. If the employee is doing something dangerous (like getting up on the counter) stop them. But if they’re doing something harmless and it’s going to help deliver something great, maybe you can make an exception.
I’m no expert on management. I’m no expert on babysitting kids either. But I know that good leadership requires a manager to understand the behaviors of others, even if they don’t make sense to you at all.
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“..know when to bend the rules…” No cringing here. Besides, the rule of successful babysitters and grandmas everywhere is “when mom’s away, the kids will play.” Mom knows it, and its okay.
Cute post. I agree, rules are made to be broken.
Rules don’t matter if you’re a valuable enough employee. If you suck, you’ll have to follow all the rules. If you’re great, you probably aren’t even aware that there are rules.
Interesting analogies. Maybe a new rule should be “no more babysitting for 24-year old dudes.” I am already implementing that one.
You forgot one: Speak as though you are in charge. I didn’t learn to do this until I had kids, and I now I can do it anytime I need authority.
I was at my sister’s this weekend. She and her husband just adopted two kid six months ago - ages 5 and 9. They are from Poland, but they are already speaking English. Anyways, I noticed that when my nephew was about to do something he wasn’t supposed to, I could stop him with the way I said, “Andreij, stop.” My sister is still working on the mommy voice.
I was at a staff meeting last month in Minneaplolis. I found the mommy voice worked really there. Especially with ornery subordinates.
I just read your post, and while I agree with most of what you said I wanted to note that you did not use reverse psychology, you used bribery (which is also a very useful tool with kids). Reverse psychology is more like getting someone to do something by promoting the opposite.
I enjoy how you decided to offer the kids ice cream because food works as a motivator for the puppy. Sounds like you did okay with the kids though.
You used bribery, not reverse psychology. Reverse psychology would be if you promoted one thing but persuaded the kids to do the opposite. Bribery usually works but then kids begin to take the “what’s in it for me?” stance.