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Brad Hilderbrand graduated from Anderson University in the Fall of 2005 with degrees in Political Science and History, He is a native Hoosier, though he could be convinced to find a new home if said location has a fulfilling job and a warmer climate. Brad also works as a staff writer for 
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New here? Employee Evolution is dedicated to helping the Millennial generation answer the hard-hitting questions that come with the biggest transition of our lives. Be sure to visit our about section for the full story. Since you're here, check out our best articles in the archives. We've also put together a list of some Millennial-friendly employers on our jobs page. Any questions? Feel free to contact us.
By giving you no time instead of it all,
Till the pain is so big you feel nothing at all
Last Thursday was my last day on the job. It all felt so surreal, from waking up and making the short commute one last time, to taking down the pictures and decorations that had kept me sane over the past year (surprising how good fuzzy dice and a stuffed walrus can be for the soul). The whole day was rather odd; as no one could remember the last time someone had quit our department. That’s not saying everyone who ever worked their loved their job and never wanted to do something else, but rather that all those who had departed in recent memory had been “asked to leave.”
I get the feeling the same fate may have befallen me if I had stayed much longer. After all, you can only jump on the conference table and sing “It’s Raining Men” so many times before people begin to worry that something may be off…especially if you’re married.
So the morning was filled with awkward conversations and assorted well wishes. People squeezing a few seconds into their day to say goodbye to the young guy who was an amusing presence, but never quite fit in with the group because he was too ambitious. Oh well, a quick handshake and a few kind words and you can be off, free to forget that the fellow ever even occupied the cubicle.
They hate you if you’re clever and they despise a fool,
Till you’re so f***ing crazy you can’t follow their rules
After a couple hours it was time for the exit interview. I headed up to HR to figure out what the tax rate was going to be on my vacation hours (28 percent?!?! Really?!?! Did I just move up 3 tax brackets?), learn that my health insurance was terminated “as of today” (Here’s hoping for now crippling illnesses or car accidents for the next few weeks), and that my retirement fund was forfeited (you have to work there 2 years to be “vested”).
After all the technical stuff it was time for my feedback about the job. Now, if you’ve been reading this column for any number of weeks you probably already have a sense for how this went. I told the HR rep as politely as I could that you didn’t really need a particularly trained person for my job, and that they would be just as well served hiring a slightly smarter than average chimp. You could pay him in bananas and tire swings, and he’d be the happiest little primate in all the land. I chose not to air my grievances about always managing to pick up the onion bagel at staff meetings, as I assumed that was my own bad luck rather than a vast company conspiracy. You never know though…
Then they expect you to pick a career,
When you can’t really function you’re so full of fear
At lunch it was time for the big goodbye, orchestrated by one of my coworkers whose company I quite enjoyed while there. The email was sent out to all corners, letting the entire department know that this would be the last hurrah, a time to say farewell and reminisce about the good times.
There are 12 people in my old department, 2 of them came. I don’t think any more needs to be said than that. Even my good friend, who had commiserated with me time and time again, and whose weekly lunch outings kept me from throwing calculators at passersby on particularly frustrating days couldn’t make it. The good news was that some of those who couldn’t come chipped in a dollar or two to help cover my lunch, so at least some people made a gesture. Unfortunately, the coworker who planned the lunch forgot the money back at the office. Oh well, seems like pretty much par for the course.
But first you must learn how to smile as you kill,
If you want to be like the folks on the hill
When we got back I started the laborious process of surviving the last few hours and packing up my stuff. The funny thing was, I only had one job-related knick-knack to throw in my box; the rest was all random clutter I had brought from home or picked up at gaming conventions. The sad truth was that my life had stood directly at odds with my job. The good news was, that was all about to change, and as I handed over my keys and security card I felt a strange sensation I hadn’t felt in nearly a year.
Relief.
It was over, my time was served, and I was finally going home. I sit here now, happily unemployed, grinning from ear to ear amidst the boxes of clothes and clutter that I will be loading onto a truck in a couple weeks to take with me as my wife and I start a new life somewhere else. A new adventure is calling, and I know that if it hadn’t been for my year of misery, I wouldn’t be anywhere near as ready to launch into the unknown.
Get ready Washington, DC, because here I come.
A working class hero is something to be.
~”Working Class Hero” -John Lennon
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You know, Brad, at first a single tear trickled down my cheek for you, but then I remembered my own evolution from 20-something employee leaving a job (”for good or bad, folks, this job was a learning experience”) to 30-something employee leaving a job I had for 9 years (”smell ya later!”). My advice: No regrets and don’t look back.
Good luck on your new adventure. And remember that monkeys are pretty cool, so it’s not always that bad to have a monkey’s job (or did you say chimps? chimps are pretty cool, too).
-GenerationXpert
You’re not going to stop writing, are you? I really enjoy reading your articles.
Welcome to DC! I can’t wait to hear about your job search and new opportunities!
Good luck with the new job/location/adventure!! Hopefully it’ll be better than the one you just left!
FREEDOM!
No health insurance - no 401K - the future is wide open!
I recently fleed from the repressive grind as I sit outside writing and reading blogs after a long run
I feel the sunshine and I am soooo happy that I am no longer trapped in the basement dugeon of mold and fungus with negative sales teams yelling at me and telling me what I am doing is wrong!
Welcome.
The educated chimps never work out like you think they will. Always flinging bananas. Congrats on finally leaving.
Hey everyone, thanks for the well wishes.
It’s nice to finally be done, this week has been immensely less stressful than pretty much all previous weeks. Keep in mind, this includes the fact that I drove 1300 miles in the span of 2 days to find a new apartment over the weekend, and that right now I’m in the midst of packing. Neither of those particularly relaxing.
However, I’m happier than I’ve been since leaving college, finally free to do what I want, and secure enough to know that the next job I take can be one I actually enjoy rather than taking the first thing offered because we need the money.
Actually, one of the other websites I write for has brought me on paid staff, and while it’s not a ton of cash, I’m still contributing to the finances.
Oh, and don’t worry about the column going away Lillian I’ll still be here, now I just have to find new sources of angst.
Brad -congrats on making the move, both professionally and geographically. There are few things more satisfying than quitting a job we don’t like. I’m in my 40’s and did it last year and it’s just as satisfying now as ever. Enjoy DC, I went to school there and lived in the area for a while, it’s one of my favorites. Be sure to check out the Brickskellar (1523 22nd St NW) when you and the wife need a bite and beverage, you’ll be glad you did.
So Brad you say you have your freedom. Well what do you do now? Do you have financial independence? Or are you going to look for another job working for someone else? Or do you own yourself?
Good riddance to that job. Those are some CRAP benefits and their payroll dept isn’t very creative or employee friendly. You don’t tax unused vacay at 25% for the love of Pete, you lump it with the final check so it isn’t considered supplemental wages. GEEZ!
Brad,
Having been through this experience myself in the past, here’s what I have to say:
“Love your job, not your company”.
This quote is attributed to the CEO of Infosys Technologies.
Wish you all the best for your new assignment…
Afyer reading your column for the past couple of months, I can see why only 2 people showed up for your lunch. Have fun in your next job - I am sure your attitude has nothing to do with your job misery…
It doesn’t sound like that dept or position was very fulfilling. I’m very lucky the dept I’m in is great and we all get along well. You certainly did a great job on the ERC committee and you’ll be missed. Hope to see you around in the near future. I’m sure you’ll have many wonderful opportunites in life.