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Brad is a freelance writer trying to make it big in the video game industry. When he's not desperately pleading for your attention with his weekly Employee Evolution column, he is an editorialist for 
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New here? Employee Evolution is a blog written by Ryan Healy. Ryan is a Co-Founder of Brazen Careerist, the webs #1 social network for young professionals. Ryan speaks with organizations on best practices for recruiting and retaining Generation Y and how to effectively use social media to reach your target market. To contact Ryan, please visit our contact page.
There’s little doubt that one of the most evil of all office creations is bright fluorescent lighting. The harsh glare is so intense that even a passing gaze into a bare bulb carries the same danger as staring at the sun itself for over 40 minutes. The reason offices insist on these bulbs is that they don’t run on electricity, they run on human souls. That’s why, when you sit under them day after day, you slowly feel your energy and creativity sapped away until all that’s left is a husk that will mindlessly complete whatever task is laid before it.
Once, I nearly escaped from those dreadful lights, but evil always seems to find a way.
A few months back we were decorating our office for Christmas and someone, a prophet perhaps, or a knower of truth, had the wonderful idea of turning all the lights off so that the only illumination came from the lights on the tree and the strands decorating the cubicles. The results were incredible, within days we had our vitality back, and it was so much easier to come to work every morning. Of course, that could have been the afterglow of all the holiday parties we had been attending, because we all know Christmas cheer is best enjoyed in liquid form anyway.
For a month or so life was great, for the first time in ages I wasn’t spending my break time looking for other jobs and trying to figure out if I had the qualifications necessary to be a nuclear research engineer or an Alaskan crab fisherman (the answers, respectively and surprisingly, are yes and no). While my work wasn’t any more exciting, I was still able to power through it because the new mood lighting just made me happy inside. Meanwhile, over my head, the now dark fluorescent bulbs waited in silence, biding their time before they struck again. Though they are evil, the lights are also wise, and they knew it would only be a matter of time before they feasted on me again.
They were right.
Early in January the boss decreed it was time to take down the decorations. We knew we couldn’t really put up much of a fight; stockings hung on the doors in April might cost us a bit of professional appearance, so we hauled all of our red and green trinkets off to the storage closet.
And then the lights came back on.
The flash was so sudden and violent, I had to shield my eyes and fumble for my chair. We tried to scrap the lights and use table lamps instead or at least turn the wattage down and only use half the lights, thereby prolonging our survival, but it wasn’t going to happen.
And so here I am once again. Every day a little piece of me dies and floats up into those bulbs, and my resolve continues to weaken.
Abandon all hope ye who sit beneath the bulbs.
I FEEL YOUR PAIN
Every day at 9am one of my many bosses strolls over to the office light switch and turns the suck on.
I come to work @ 7 just to have 2 hours of productive dimness before my soul evaporates into fluorescent hell.
If you can stay late one night without too many people noticing, open up the overhead light and take out half of the bulbs. Flourescent lights gain their strength in numbers. Your spirit will have a better chance of survival going against 2 bulbs instead of 4.
The next follow up step is to go to Home Depot and pick up full spectrum light bulbs to put over your desk. Sadly most companies won’t pay for it but they also don’t really notice if you just change the bulbs after most people have left for the day.
And hey, isn’t easier to beg for forgiveness than to ask for permission?
Anyone who says work environment isn’t important doesn’t know what they’re talking about. That was a fun post to read, even if the lights weren’t fun to experience.
Chris: Coming in early is probably a good solution, though that would mean I have to wake up sooner. In that case, no lights and sleepy time trumps low lights.
Dorie: That is very sneaky and tricky… and I love it. Of course, the entire mission much be undertaken while dressed completely in black with full camoflauge facepaint. Obviously co-workers would grow suspicious, if they could see you… which they can’t because you’re camoflauged! It’s brilliant!
Michael: Glad you enjoyed the read and are concerned for my health. Normally I count on the healing rays of the sun to offset the pain of the lights, but it’s been very gloomy here lately so times have been tough. We do have one brave employee who has taken it into her own hands to sneak out and dim the lights. It’s been a good stall, we’re hanging tough. I just hope she isn’t caught and sacrificed to the great flourescent tube…
Very amusing, totally right.
I, luckily, sit under 2 busted fluorescents, use just a desk lamp, and also am close enough to a skylight. They recently fixed those lights and I had one of them removed again because the suck factor went through the roof when I was fully lit by a fluorescent.
…and now back to praying for a winning proposal.
I once worked in a room that was referred to as “The Cave” by everyone else in the 700+ employee building. It had vaulted ceilings, speakers mounted in each corner of the room connected to a community CD player, and we all used desk lamps for our own mood lighting. We had overhead fluorescents, but they were only turned on in the conference area of the room. One week, maintenance came around and replaced all the burned out bulbs in the can lights that speckled the ceiling, and we all moaned and groaned because, although it wasn’t fluorescent, it was way more light than any of us wanted.
But even though we won the fluorescent battle, a change in lighting doesn’t have the magical effect of making the job any better. I’ve since moved on to a different company with low ceilings and a fluorescent panel hovering directly over my head. Sometimes I miss “The Cave”, but I wouldn’t trade it for the satisfaction I get from what I do now.
Go ahead and run that idea up the flag pole! Desk lamps really are amazing.
You are my favorite writer employeeevolution (except for the Ryans, of course. Don’t want to hurt their feelings). The post is awesome. Keep up your smart a$$ attitude. It will serve you well one day. Trust me on this.
I completely understand. I sit in the front of the office and we don’t have many clients, so I have the pleasure of letting my bulbs go out. I have two fluorescent lights over my head and thankfully they each only have one bulb in them. Otherwise I might go crazy.
Hi-larious! Thanks, Brad!
This is a great post, I totally relate. I’m sure millions of corporate employees would be a lot happier with dimmer office lighting. Wish I could make it happen in my workplace!
If they are using those bulbs to cut cost can’t you use that as are argument to dim them?