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Ryan Healy is a recent college graduate. He is a founder of 
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New here? Employee Evolution is a blog written by Ryan Healy. Ryan is a Co-Founder of Brazen Careerist, the webs #1 social network for young professionals. Ryan speaks with organizations on best practices for recruiting and retaining Generation Y and how to effectively use social media to reach your target market. To contact Ryan, please visit our contact page.
A couple of weeks ago Penelope and I went to a meeting in Milwaukee with a group of potential investors. After the meeting, we went upstairs to grab a drink while the group discussed a few things. One of the guys came upstairs to shake our hands and say goodbye. He said to Penelope, “You were great. You remind me exactly of my 25-year-old daughter!”
Needless to say, I was doing everything I could to keep from bursting out in laughter, and Penelope had a look of shock on her face. We later came to find out that the group thought Penelope and I were roughly the same age, and some even thought I was older than her! (I’m actually 23 and she is 41.)
While most women love to hear they look much younger than they are, it’s not necessarily a good thing when you’re trying to get people to invest in your start-up company. People seem to think that if you’re older you have a better chance of being successful. I don’t think it’s true, but it’s something you have to deal with as a young professional.
Here are 3 ways to make people think you’re older than you actually are.
Dress up, but don’t blend in
When I gave my first speech I wore a blue collared shirt and black slacks. The point was to dress up and look like the group of Human Resource professionals I was talking to. It totally backfired.
First, I don’t really feel comfortable in slacks and a shirt, it’s not me. And by trying to blend in with the rest of the group, it was obvious that I was much younger than they were. My pants were a little baggier, my shirt was kind of flashy, and I had my patented 5 o’clock shadow. Something was obviously off.
Since then I’ve come up with my own look. I dress up, but I do it in my own way by wearing nice jeans, a button down shirt and a blazer. I feel totally comfortable in this outfit and it lets people know that I’m comfortable standing out, while still dressing up. Wear what makes you most comfortable and your confidence will be unmistakable.
Answer questions with confidence, even if you’re lying
Older business folks love to ask tough questions to see what kind of answer you’re going to give. It’s kind of like an interview every time you meet with a new group. So think of it like an interview and give an answer.The actual answer you give, whether in front of a group or talking one on one, is much less important than how you say it. Make something up if you have to.
One of the most common questions I get is, “What’s your role in the company?” The truth is that in a three-person company, everyone does everything, but that answer can only get you in trouble. So one day I will say I manage finances and day to day operations and the next day I will say that I manage production. Both answers are right, but I’m much better off giving one simple answer and saying it with confidence.
Avoid “kid conversations” at all costs!
Unless you have children, it’s imperative that you avoid the conversation about children. Older people love to talk about their children. I know I will do the same when I have kids, but these conversations can only get you into trouble if you are young. This was my downfall at IBM.
Every time my co-workers at IBM brought up their kids’ little league tournament or basketball practice, all I could think to say was something like “my little league team almost won the state title.” Or “I used to hate basketball practice!” I mean, I was playing little league ten years ago, so it makes sense that I remember it well. But it always alienated me from the conversation.
The best thing you can do in a “kid conversation” is stay quiet, laugh and nod your head. Your time will come; don’t try to join the kid conversation too early.
I think its more about learning to be confident rather than learning to act older than you are.
This is good advice. I’d add another one: Try hard not to focus so much on the fact that they’re older. The 20somethings I’ve seen do the best among “older” crowds are the ones who acted exactly the same as they would in a group of people closer to their age (subject to normal standards of professional behavior, of course). If you relax and don’t focus on the fact that they’re so much older, and just be your usual charming self (don’t censor yourself or try to act older than you are), you can often bond with those ancients in a way that will surprise you.
Avoid the kid conversation at all costs, but when it comes up, don’t compare your dog or cat to the child being discussed. Older people feel that the story of your dog throwing up on your shoes is not a fair comparison to the story of their children who have the chicken pox.
(They’re wrong, but that’s a whole other discussion. Just avoid talking about your animals.)
Another tip I can give (although a bit more dramatic) is to change your hairstyle to something ‘older’
One of my coworkers had very long hair when she started working here (it went down to the middle of her back), but when she got it cut to shoulder length she looked dramatically older.
Ryan, I love the “avoid the kid conversation” point. It’s so true that it’s really easy trap to fall in to. I would add on to this point that you should avoid talking about high school and college. I used to find myself saying, “In high school, we did this…” or “My college professor said we should look at it that way…” When you talk like that, it’s a good indication that you’re young. Great post.
The kid conversation point is absolutely true! Since I left college, I have found myself repeatedly falling into that trap. One day, I realized that it was ridiculous for me to identify with my co-workers high school and college- aged children, and not my co-workers themselves. If only I had this advice earlier on in my career!
I’d add: Don’t talk about things that would reveal your age. I.E. Your prom song, when you graduated, your favorite band. I have found that a lot of people will talk music at work. You don’t want to say things like, “Oh yeah, my uncle took me to see MC Hammer when I was 5.” Boomers will be annoyed because they are freaking out about being old. Xers will be annoyed, not because you make them feel old, but because they usually are familiar with bands anywhere from 20 years before they were born until now.
Yeah I had a lot of problems about looking so young when I was teaching in Beijing. Most of them didn’t believe i had teaching experience since I looked like i was just out of college (I was, but i had started a year or two earlier than most people when I went to University). I wound up dressing in a shirt and tie as much as I could in order to seem credible while teaching these middle managers and thirty or forty something year olds in China english.
At first I wanted to comment that 1) Penelope dresses unprofessionally, 2) is a bad lier, and 3) doesn’t know when to end a conversation. But no, I think that it’s a good thing (and realistic) that she was reminded of someones 25 year old.
1) She dresses like a young star, maybe. I dress comfortably in what I feel I can exude confidence with, when I feel (especially) overdressed I feel fake. and 2) and 3) I have no idea what the deal is. But what you say is cool in both cases. I’m sure she’s a confident lier.
Overall I guess my point is that I’m 25 and I’m an adult and have a blog. That Penelope is twice my age and gives off like a ‘rising star’ is a good thing! Afterall, she’s the one that got me into blogging through hers back in good old 2006. She says so herself (and has shown) that she’s oftentimes seen as inappropriate, but hey, as are we all and that’s what can garner attention.
Damn, “liar” i meant to say in both cases. I hate mistakes that can’t be fixed!
Blue shirts tend to make us HR people jittery because consultants wear them. And for some people in HR consultants = death.
>>>Here are 4 ways…
I only counted three tips?
I don’t think you need to avoid the kid conversation, you simply need to show interest in other people’s kids rather than making personal comments. As you said, people LOVE to talk about their children, and they think that everyone is as intrigued by their kids’ goings-on as they are.
Thanks for all the comments.
I agree that looking older is really all about being confident in who you are and what you do, but its also how you present yourself.
The kid conversations are fine for people to have. I will talk about my kids all the time when I have them, and its OK to be intrigued by what your kids are doing. In fact, I’m interested to hear about what peoples kids are doing at certain ages. However, to jump into the conversation as a 23-year-old just doesn’t make much sense. It’s much better to nod and appear interested.
@GenXpert - I like the point about not talking about things that will reveal your age. It’s tough to do, but should be avoided. But I have to ask, do Xers really not feel old at times? I doubt it…..
Ryan
Being 30 and thus on the cusp of X and Y I can honestly say I feel old talking to 20 year olds. At the same time, it is a good feeling. “Thank GOD I don’t have to go through my 20’s again” I think to myself.
You hit the “kid talk” thing right on the head.
I was in the middle of a conversation with my coworkers about their kids about 5 minutes ago and found myself saying the equivalent of the little league comment. I’ve always felt awkward about it, but now I know what to do.
Thanks!!
Wow, this post is so relevant for me. I am a 25 year old (but regretfully look even younger) woman working in a technical industry full of 45 year old men. I am frequently asked at tradeshows and meetings if I am my boss’s daughter… or wife (he’s 18 years older than me), even if I’m in business dress. I’ve been working for my company for almost 4 years now, but still struggle with this. Thanks for the advice.
Sara - That totally stinks! What a ridiculous and rude assumption. That is like asking someone if they are pregnant - don’t do it!!!
If someone asked me if I was the daughter or wife I would be tempted to ask, “What makes you think that?”
My path was to:
1. Start shaving in 5th grade
2. Start going bald at age 16
3. Work in a fine men’s clothing store at age 17, to learn “their ways”.
4. Buy a black Lincoln at age 22
Here I am at 24, and people typically have me pegged between 30 and 35. Hell, I’ve got a 401k and everything.
In response to the comment about always answering questions even if you are lying, a vary wise man once told me that BS is just brilliant speaking.
I do believe that it is extremely important to not act ones age. It is one of the most important things to learn, yet a majority of college students would laugh if you said that to them. There are many negative stereo types which are immediately brought up when working with older people. The job I currently hold came out of an internship; I was hired directly before graduation into a full time position because I ‘did such a good job’. When I began my internship there were 31 other students working at the same company as me, but I was the only one in my department. I wore jeans to work like the other interns did, but I would dress as if I was going to a meeting with a company polo or dress shirt on, my PDA, pocket protector, and not looking like I just woke up. I am a true believe that in the workplace when you meet someone new how you look reflects your competency. I started work at 7 am, so I showed up 15 minutes early. I finished my day at 5 pm, so I left at 5:10 and frequently stayed late without complaining. After one month a majority of the people I worked with had either forgotten I was an intern, or never realized I was one. I learned, through their complaining about the college kids and most of the interns came looking like they just rolled out of bed, arriving at least fifteen minutes late. They would do their work half ass (most of which I ended up redoing) and take extended lunch breaks. They would also leave early, especially on Fridays, and roll their eyes when the older employees would start talking about things which were before their time like how to draw prints by hand, and reverse polish calculators. All of the other interns were at minimum two years older then me, but I had somehow, in under one months time outranked them because I carried myself as being older.
I also found that one good way to bond with older coworkers is to ask them how they got to where they are today, and to show interest in the stories about their children. For many it is the most important thing in their life, and if you don’t show interest in that, or if you mock it, you will never come off of their shit list.
Sara I am one of the youngest full time employees at my company. When we go to events outside of the company it is assumed that I work in HR because I am a women, or I’m doing a job shadow, and if they understand that I am a full time employee they assume I don’t know what I am doing and I was hired so they can meet their quota of women, so I understand where you are at. I find that taking comments with grace and very politely correcting them is something that must be mastered because (think of it from the other side) it could cause hostility and cause a potential customer to not use your services. They may (and should) feel ashamed and embarrassed. Just remember that the double standard applies for women and therefore showing emotion is not allowed. Women who get upset are seen as bitches and hostile, while women who show emotion (like crying, or obviously being hurt) are seen as emotionally unstable and incompetent. It sucks, and it will never end.
Innocent bystander, I had a 401k when I was 19, you’re not alone.
yeah, bein look–and indeed–young is pretty ’suck’ in professional career. I often asked by my client about a thing or two, and after my senior came, they reasked the same question I just answered before
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Answering a question confidently with a total lie will get you into a ton of trouble, especially in the corporate world. When you are asked a difficult question while conducting a public speaking event, you should have already anticipated nearly every question that will be asked of you. While in the corporate environment, the most appropriate way to respond to something you don’t know the answer to is to admit that you are not sure but that you’ll find the answer. Then, you should follow-up with the group or individual and give them the answer ASAP. Your advice to lie confidently is very unsound advice and will shatter trust rather than make you look smart or even older.
I would like to say that making something up isn’t always the same as telling a lie. If someone asks me what my company is doing to better infiltrate the Asian market I would make something up and say ‘I believe we are _____ but I’m not entirely sure, I can find out for you’. I wouldn’t say a definite answer, but if you respond to every question with ‘I don’t know’ you will be seen as incompetent, in my opinion.
“The actual answer you give, whether in front of a group or talking one on one, is much less important than how you say it. Make something up if you have to.”