It's a Great Job Market, So Move Back Home

I'm gonna go on record and disagree with this. Moving home is not the answer but moving somewhere with cheaper rent is. There are some things about learning to live and growing up and figuring life out that just can't be learned under your parent's roof. Being debt free is only part of the equation.

I think you make a lot of good points in this post that are going to be overshadowed by the title.

It's interesting that around the world, many adults live with their parents, but America is the country of self-sufficiency. Some get support and others give support. I certainly grew up with the self-sufficiency attitude (I think I've said before that moving back home is stupid), but I realize that for some it makes sense. I have a friend who moved back home and then moved into her own condo 8 months later. It's not anything I would ever do, but I do feel comfort in knowing I could if I needed it.

There's a fine line between being financially responsible and moving in with your parents. As Brad mentioned, there's more to it than just money. But I don't ever think that asking for help is wrong as long as you're not abusing the kindness of others.

I tend to agree with Brad, if for no other reason than that
Gen Y needs to establish boundaries with their parents in order to fully develop as adults. Doing this while living with your parents is more than simply a challenge.

I'm all for being debt free, but there are plenty of other alternatives to living at home. I for one would have no career at all if I moved home, because I'm from a small town where the professional career options are doctor, teacher, salesman, or dentist.

So don't move home – move to a city in the midwest where you can buy a house in your early twenties for a fraction of the cost of a high-rent apartment or condo in urbania. Plus, this offers you the opportunity to become a big fish in an underappreciated pond.

Ryan, I absolutely get your point, and couldn't agree more that money isn't everything. I work in corporate America and have met more than my fair share of exhausted, miserable rich people. Nobody should emulate the shortsighted and overworked, that's for sure. But I have to disagree with your strategy.

I agree with previous posters, but in addition, beyond the fact that GenY could use some independence and a few more boundaries, you also simply cost too much. Despite popular GenY description, living with your parents isn't free. It may be free for you, but it isn't free for them. It's true that there's some efficiency of scale, but you cost money to feed, your bedroom and the water you use costs money to heat, and that PC where you're running your home-based business costs money to power.

By the time you are in your 20s, your parents should be contributing as much as they can to their retirement accounts. Small delays have big impact. By putting off those additional contributions now while they continue to support their "adult children" (don'tcha just love that term?), these parents could find themselves in real trouble in 20 or 30 years. Social security is failing, but compound interest and personal responsibility are real. Too many people are saving way too little, way too late. Even GenY has its role to play.

If you insist on living with your parents, at the very least, make sure you are covering your expenses. All your expenses: food, heat, hot water. Body soap, dish soap, laundry soap. Internet bandwidth. Wear and tear. And make sure you're saving for your own later years as well.

I think the bigger point here is to try to minimize your cost of living after graduation. Cheap rent in an affordable (smaller, Midwest) city is one way. Skipping the flat screen TV and new car in favor of keeping bad debt down is another. I guess moving home for a few months can be okay too, though it's not for me.

Rebecca's right – the title doesn't do the article justice.

Thanks for the comments, and thanks for the feedback about the title.

I really don't understand the "Gen-y needing to establish boundaries and break away from their parents" argument. Maybe its just the relationship I have with my parents, but I never felt burdened or smothered when living with them. In fact, living with them over the summers in college, I may as well have been on my own. I really think you can learn to be independent while still shacking up with your parents.

To the other point about parents spending money on their adult children. Its a good point, and parents should not be blowing their retirement on supporting grown-up kids. Its perfectly reasonable for parents to charge rent and expect kids to buy their own food etc. it will still be a savings for the kids. Also, I know I would do everything I can to help my parents with retirement if they need it, and I think most people feel the same way.

It's a matter of personal responsibility and emotional health to establish boundaries with your parents. And it doesn't mean you don't have a great relationship with them that you need to do so. It's you valuing yourself enough to prioritize for that – especially financially. Sure you could afford a high-def LCD if you lived with them while working full-time, but is it really worth the impact that can make on your long-term relationship with your parents or your own ability to operate as an independent adult to make that trade now when you could in all reality make it work for yourself?

I'm not saying moving back in with your parents for a while if you're in real financial dire straits is a bad choice – of course it would be a good alternative for some, especially those deep in debt. But it's not a healthy long-term plan. I have a good friend who still lives at home, and it is a very difficult situation she finds herself in because of the financial freedom she felt living at home, she is having a hard time changing spending habits, etc. so that she can actually afford to leave and her relationship with her entire family is being impacted by it.

Living with your parents during summers in college is a whole other ballgame than living with them full-time as a working adult. I have a great relationship with my parents, and I want to keep it that way. They visit me a lot, and we talk all the time. I value their involvement in my life enough to cut my own apron strings so they can enjoy this time in their lives together. And as Sean mentioned, the financial burden an adult child living at home can play on parents who have sacrificed their whole lives for our future is a real issue. They may offer for you to crash for a while, but if you outstay the invitation, it can really complicate your relationship and entire family life.

I have a situation in my family where a child is still living at home (30 years later), so perhaps I have had to see the worst-case scenario of this play out in my real life more than most.

Ryan,

I didn't know you were from New Haven, I am too. As for those cool companies looking to hire twentysomething's, I haven't found any of them. I would love to hear your thoughts on how to get in the door with some of them.

Great work with the articles and I like the new style of the BrazenCareerist site. How do you guys find all of your writers?

Ryan,
I would love to read your response to Christine Hassler's latest Huffington Post column about why twentysomethings shouldn't move home.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/christine-hassler/failure-to-launch_b_91968.html

[...] expenses can be variable, however. For example, if you're living at home and paying nominal rent you don't need to put all 30% toward housing – you can put more of that toward debt repayment [...]