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Ryan Paugh graduated from Penn State in 2006 with a Bachelor's Degree in Journalism and a minor in Business. After working in corporate communications, freelance writing and reporting, he co-founded 
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New here? Employee Evolution is a blog written by Ryan Healy. Ryan is a Co-Founder of Brazen Careerist, the webs #1 social network for young professionals. Ryan speaks with organizations on best practices for recruiting and retaining Generation Y and how to effectively use social media to reach your target market. To contact Ryan, please visit our contact page.
People see success in many different ways. For some people, it’s getting rich. For others, success is much simpler – a house, a dog, a wife and kids, etc. But no matter how you perceive your own success, you’ll never really get there without a social life that plugs you into your community.
Everyone seems to look up to people who get out of college and move into the city. Where I come from, New York is a big deal. And whenever someone gets a job and moves there, it’s like they have already become successful. There’s this glow about them that says, “Hey, I’m in NYC, I made it.”
It’s funny, because most of the people I know who have strolled into the city “living the dream” aren’t making that much money. Between rent, taxes, food and entertainment, some of them aren’t making anything at all.
The real success for these people is based on their social lives. The fact that they’re going out every weekend, meeting enormous amounts of people and feeling a sense of connection that a lot of people not in a large city miss out on.
But that’s not to say that you can’t make your social life work if you’re not in a city. You just have to try a lot harder.
But that’s a problem for a lot of people. After a long day, finding the physical and emotional energy to make a social life work can be frustrating. It’s a hell of a lot easier to sit on the couch, watch prime time television and go to sleep.
I’m a culprit of this mentality. After a long day of work, I want to sit. I want to be comfortable. And I don’t want to be bothered.
Here are things I tell myself to get myself off the sofa. And many days this works:
1. Set up a “day date”
Some people call it a one-way-ticket into the “friend zone.” But that’s stupid. In fact, some of the best relationships with women I have began in a place other than a nighttime retreat like the bar.
2. Volunteer in your community
More work? Yes, but not really.
If you’re going to volunteer, make it something you enjoy doing. And don’t volunteer at a place where you’re not going to meet new people. For instance, don’t volunteer to work with animals.
3. Do work in a social environment
I could work in my apartment all day, but I work in a coffee shop to be around other people. Unfortunately I’ve found that actually having the guts to start a conversation with a stranger requires a little more work.
I agree with having a social life and the need for interaction skills, but I’m not sure if a “day date” or working in a social area is the way to go. If I try to blend my work and my social life, I find that I end up forgoing one or the other. I love to bring my laptop to my favorite cigar bar and work (since it has free WiFi), but I never go if the work ‘needs’ to be done.
Norcross:
For me it’s about priorities. I like getting out in the day because sometimes at night it’s just too much to have to deal with. Plus, I just love being in social situations.
In my line of work it’s inevitable that social life and work life mix, the hours are erratic and if I didn’t use in between time to have fun, I’d hate my life. So that may be a big difference as well.
In the in though, you’re right. If the work needs to be done, it needs to be done. Work hard first, play hard later. Even if it means you have to skip a day of working in a fun, social atmosphere.
Then again, I know a bunch of people who would argue that social situations are the best environments for productivity.
Re: volunteer work
Volunteering with animals isn’t exactly a dead end. L.A. now tries to socialize dogs in shelters to up their chances of being adopted, which means you’re out walking dogs. I constantly stop to talk to people with dogs since I love animals (more than people). I’ve had great conversations with random strangers; you just never know who you’re going to meet.
Additionally, there are lots of animal shelter volunteers, so, again, you just never know who you’ll meet.
Another tip I was given — presuming you’re really hardcore about making certain connections. Find out where people you want to meet volunteer and commit to that same cause. You’ll potentially cross paths with the person you’re seeking out.
I think this provides an interesting counterpoint to Ryan Healy’s article “The New Work-Life Balance.” There, it is intimated that you can sacrifice your social life to get ahead in your career, here it seems to say the complete opposite.
zak:
I love animals too, so this is good to hear.
Think of what I am saying as more of a metaphor though. It’s not that I think people shouldn’t work with animals. We should just be aware of the situations we throw ourselves into and try to make them fun and social experiences.
Adam:
This is very true. Ryan Healy and I don’t always see eye to eye on how we balance work and life. What it’s really all about is priorities and values. I would argue that a god social life is important now. You’re only young once, why squander it?
But Healy is right about one thing. Being successful in a demanding career (like entrepreneurship) sometimes requires you to put your social life on the back burner. Which is why as an entrepreneur it’s good to blend your work life and your social life. Sometimes it’s the only way to make them both work.
Ryan, I think this is all worthwhile advice, but I’m not sure it’s fair to say that you’ll “never make it big” without a social life. Having a robust social life is one way to define success for some people, to be sure, but not everybody defines success that way. Some people really do just want to be rich. For them, perhaps family and friends aren’t a priority.
To be honest, I find myself bristling a little bit when somebody–anybody, of any generation–tries to tell me what my success should look like. Don’t I get to decide that? I thought GenY was supposed to be above all those definitions and labels.
Personally, I think if you’re happy, you’re successful. You could be living in a dumpster behind a Chinese restaurant, but you’re happy to be there, then mister, you’re a success in my book.
Sean:
Fair enough. We all have our own definitions of success. And maybe this is just mine.
I would argue that most people who seek just wealth and not friendship are going to be pretty miserable down the line. Living in a dumpster behind a Chinese restaurant would probably get pretty old too. Because we all know that Chinese food is only good in small doses.
But like you say, nobody should be telling anyone what success should look like. A good social life is just my personal recommendation.
@ Ryan:
Because we all know that Chinese food is only good in small doses.
… unless you happen to live in China (population 1.3 billion).
See, now I’m just being a wise guy. Seriously: good article and comments, Ryan.
Good topic and interesting thoughts Ryan. You seemed to have approached this as though our social interactions lead to success, and being successful is the end goal… Sean hinted at a counterpoint to this in his comments. For me personally I’ve found that my interactions with friends and community lead to my most fulfilling moments, and this is largely completely separate from whatever career I am pursuing.
So while I don’t necessarily categorize spending time with friends and volunteering as “being successful”, I do consider it living a fulfilling life, and when I am fulfilled I am happy… and if happiness is the ultimate goal of success, well, then I guess we’re back where we started and I agree with you. :o)
Sean:
Thanks Sean. Your wiseness makes it all worth it.
Matt:
When it comes down to it, I’m glad we agree.
I think if we truly want to be successful, we have to look at success in the larger scheme of things. It’s nice to think that its possible for us to find success is one area without it affecting the other, but all of our core values are interdependent. Hence, the whole balance thing we’re all trying so desperately to attain.
Thanks for the comments!
Hey Ryan,
Your post reminds me of something that happened years ago. I was stuck at a week-long, out-of-town meeting and it was Valentine’s Day. The senior manager sitting next to me at dinner that night was upset about not being with her family. I was recently married, but with no kids at the time. I told her that I didn’t see the big deal. She turned to me, and with a serious look, simply said:
“Your job can’t sit with you at the Thanksgiving table.”
It affected me deeply.
I think your post is excellent.
JT
For some, having a social life is essential for their work. Musicians live and die by their social life. As do some entrepreneurs. Early in the funding stages, your social life can set the done for future deals, discussions and company growth. Staying in and being a hermit is great when physical work has to be done, however sometimes buying a drink for a business adviser is a wiser business decision.
J.T.:
I love that statement. Thanks for sharing it.
I think it’s funny that such a simple sentence is all that is necessary to get the reality check we need.
Glad you liked the post!
Greg:
This is true. And I’m sure in your line of business the social aspect is just as essential as any other aspect. In my line of work, most communications are done via the web, but I love it when I can get out and meet someone for a drink instead of just email back and forth.
Ryan, your comment at 8:24 suggested “that a god social life is important now.” Wouldn’t it all be nice if we had the social life of gods
Great post!
1. I just went on a “day date” with a girl and it was the most amazing date in a long time. We went on a bike ride, ate pizza and then had a few beers in the park. Things with her are going good so far!
3. I was spending a lot of time couped up in my apartment when not at the office. Don’t get me wrong, I went out to bars and socialized on the weekends, but I was not having the types of interactions with strangers I wanted. Thus, I decided to start bartending again (I bartended my way through college). Bartending allows me to meet a lot of interesting people from all walks of life i.e, CEOs, contractors, I-bankers, travelers etc. The great thing about bartending is the close interactions and access to people that otherwise I would not have (especially with the decision makers of companies).
Kerry:
Haha, thanks for pointing that out. Having a social life of the gods would be pretty killer, but at this point I’d settle for a happy hour or two here and there.
Mychael:
I’ve always been intrigued by the world of bartending. It seems like the perfect job for me because I love people and I love drinks.
If I ever become a millionaire, I think maybe I’ll just become a bartender. Maybe you can help me get into the bartending circuit.
As a self-employed guy who works from home I’ve battled with this one myself. If I don’t make the effort to get out there and be among people I could go all week without having a face to face conversation with someone. Not my cup o’ tea at all.
Which is exactly why I prioritise ‘getting out there’ as much as I do my business. I run my business alongside contract production work so that I can work within a creative team environment. I make new contacts, new friends, ramp up my social life and feel more like me as a result. And that helps me in m y business. In the past I’ve even taken a 6 hour shift each week in my local Gap store - simply because I can be around people, sell a few pairs of jeans (which, it turns out I was darn good at!), smile and laugh.
As far as success goes, it’s a balance that everyone needs to figure out for themselves, and the truth is that both inner success and outer success are important.
You could have all the HD flat screens in the world but without a sense of achievement or fulfillment anything you watch on them is probably gonna feel hollow. On the flip side, feeling fulfilled doesn’t sound overly enticing if you’re stuck in a damp studio apartment with nothing to show for it,
The truth is that we all want both. We all want to feel fulfilled and to have that sense of achievement, but we want to take nice vacations and be surrounded by cool stuff too – wanting both is okay! The trick is in getting the balance right for you.
Do work in a social environment
During the week I work in a cubicle, which does not leave much room for the interaction I crave. I suggest that if your work during the regular 9-5 doesn’t cut the social muster, then either volunteer on the weekends or even consider a part-time job which leaves you no choice but to interact. For instance, when I’m not trapped in the cube I work at the local ski shop, its fun because I’m around like minded people (both customers and employees) and the conversations are always light hearted and interesting.
So if you’re into sports, consider a sporting good store. Or if you’re into books, maybe a local bookstore, etc.
I’ve found its a great way to network. Especially when you sit someone down to try on ski boots, you’re working with them on average for an hour, its pretty easy to talk about what you both do, exchange business cards, mention your website, yadda yadda.