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Brad Hilderbrand graduated from Anderson University in the Fall of 2005 with degrees in Political Science and History, He is a native Hoosier, though he could be convinced to find a new home if said location has a fulfilling job and a warmer climate. Brad also works as a staff writer for 
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I’m going to be perfectly blunt, I hate networking. I know, I know, as a millennial I’m supposed to be a social butterfly, someone who can walk right up to a complete stranger and initiate a conversation about anything from the weather to the price of grain in Micronesia. However, I find networking to be too much like dating, and I never was any good at that either.
Firstly, let’s talk about why I hate networking. It’s not that I haven’t tried, my goodness, have I tried. I spent a whole lot of time both in and out of college trying to get connected with people in a variety of industries. From academics to politics, public sector and private, I was scheduling all sorts of meetings and talking with anyone who would give me thirty minutes and a glass of water. I admit it; I was an informal informational interview prostitute.
Most conversations ended with an exchange of business cards and the encouraging, “Give me a call if I can ever help out” but nothing more. Once I scored a pity interview, but could never get back in the door. I was like the career version of the one-night stand, initially boosting my self-esteem, but then doing the walk of shame back to my car.
I tried the more informal social networking route, but a lot of people at networking events don’t have a whole lot to say. Yes, the weather is crazy. Uh huh, those politicians sure are wacky. No, I don’t know much about French wine, mostly because I can’t afford French wine. Oh, and the fact that getting drunk at $100 a bottle doesn’t really appeal to me. Why can’t we just cut through the formality and get to the point? I need a job, you have a job, and we need each other. So how about we give this thing a shot and see what happens?
Funny thing is, even though I don’t like networking, I’m doing it right now. Every one of you out there reading this is a potential contact, just an email or comment away from taking our relationship to the next level, so to speak. So what do you say, willing to take a chance on a guy whose idea of a productive afternoon is discussing potential new markets and strategies for maximizing revenues?
Oh yeah, I know you love it baby, call me sometime.
Popularity: 5%
Wait, I feel like I just got hit on… just kidding
Networking is really tough on the one hand, but on the other, if you just relax and don’t try so hard, it seems like contacts just fall in your lap. And that’s like relationships too!
I know, I know, as a millennial I’m supposed to be a social butterfly, someone who can walk right up to a complete stranger and initiate a conversation about anything from the weather to the price of grain in Micronesia.
You know, I’m not sure I buy this. GenY is remarkably comfortable with electronic social networking–in some ways, you invented it–but I’m not sure that you’re any less shy or introverted than the rest of us as a group. In fact, I can’t help wondering whether electronic discourse–possibly because it’s often so rich and meaningful, like what I’m writing right now *wink*–can stunt people’s ability to talk to each otehr meaningfully in person. It’s a criticism that has chased GenY around for years now.
Funny thing is, even though I don’t like networking, I’m doing it right now. Every one of you out there reading this is a potential contact, just an email or comment away from taking our relationship to the next level, so to speak.
Exactly. If you haven’t already, back up one article and look at the discussion under Ryan Paugh’s article about networking. It’s the reason a lot of us read or respond to blogs in the first place.
I’ve discovered that I am great at networking with individuals twice my age (and by your example, I’m the gold digging twenty-something seeking an office Sugar Daddy near retirement) but ask me to network with my peers and I have no idea what to say.
In some ways, I think dating is a lot easier than networking. At least with dating you can always end the evening with “its not you, its me”.
I’m with you. It’s strange to me, only because I’ve always had a decently large group of friends. Now that it’s “networking”, it reeks of being fake to me. I guess I’d rather become friends with someone, then do the networking dance with them afterwards.
Lots of good thoughts today, let’s see how well I can respond.
Rebecca: Don’t worry about my non-existent advances. I’m a happily married man, though I am sure you’re quite lovely.
I’m trying to relax more with networking, but I’m such a “get to the point” kind of guy it’s hard for me to maintain patience.
Sean: I agree with you about electronic communication as opposed to face time. Personally, I’m much more comfortable sending an email than I am making a call or having a meeting. If I communicate electronically, I’m happy. Also, it’s funny you mentioned Ryan’s article. I submitted the draft for this column the day before he published his latest piece, so I joked with him that this week would be a “how to” and “how not to” network session.
Dorie: Don’t be ashamed, Sugar Daddies need lovin’ too.
I also find it easier to communicate with older generations than with people my own age. I think it’s largely because my parents were older when I was born, so I was constantly around a more aged crowd, and because I only keep tabs on certain parts of pop culture. I can talk with someone about the presidential election or professional football, but start talking about American Idol or Lost and I’ve got nothing.
Norcross: I hear you on the “fakeness” issue. I know some people love to be asked for help and enjoy networking, but I feel like I’m just draining their time for my own selfish means. Sure, I’d like to develop a friendship with some of these people, but so much of networking feels like “what can you do for me” sessions. I’m learning in doing a little PR work that the nicer I am to agencies, the more assets they send me. However, I feel so fake making small talk with these people when what I’m really interested in is the information they hold that I need.
Sean, excellent point.
I notice this in my office everyday.
I work at HQ for a major car manufacturer and I’ve noticed this trend. The veterans of the co. walk to cublicles to sort out problems. The younger associates email. Even if their contact is 20-ft away. I have been guilty of this myself and am trying my best to accustom myself to walking over and talking stuff out mano a mano.
I’m sure you all have experience the HUGE difference between communicating via email and text message as opposed to in-person communication. In-person requires a set of skills that can only be sharpened by doing.
A Senior Manager in my office says it best, “an email should only come as a follow-up to a phone call.”
Networking is a little bit disingenuous. I use the word “disingenuous” to mean a softer form of ‘fake’. Because if it weren’t disingenuous, then it would be called ‘making friends’.
It doesn’t mean that networking is some vile, reprehensible act that should be avoided at all costs. Aboslutely not!.
Networking involves making ‘faux personal’ relationships with people for business reasons. You should try to be as polite and un-selfish as possible, but most of us are not being un-selfish for personal reasons.
For example, a good way to get a person into your network, is to help them. Provide some information, a contact, a reference, etc. But chances are that you’re not doing it because they are a friend, or even because you are such a generous person. You are doing it for ‘networking’.
So I think we need to remember that there is a always a bit of gentle ‘fakeness’ involved in networking. If you completely ignore this aspect of networking, you will frustrate people who immediately see it and assume that more fakness lies under the surface.
If I were in a position to hire/refer people, I would give you a chance, Brad. Sadly I am only 23 and not in that position though. I feel like we’re on the same page after reading this post. So there’s at least one thing we already have in common, and we haven’t even officially been on a date…err, interview…yet. Of course, in today’s world of social networking, I believe “taking it to the next level” probably means friending each other on facebook.
Networking is a little bit disingenuous. I use the word “disingenuous” to mean a softer form of ‘fake’. Because if it weren’t disingenuous, then it would be called ‘making friends’.
Agreed completely.
If you wanted to compare stacks of business cards, mine would be a lot shorter than most of my peers in the mid 20s…being that banking is still very much an “old blood” type profession, some would think that I would be worried. But I’m not. Quality over quantity every day of the week. This applies to few things as much as networking.
One mistake I think younger individuals make, and I base this off the actions of my peers, is that they think you have to be friends with everyone. You don’t. Not even close. So I don’t generally go the extra mile for people to stay late on the conference call to talk about your pet, or to listen to you talk about your son in college (who I am much closer in age to). I let my work speak for itself. Did it take awhile? I think it did take longer to build my reputation, but I’m already in high demand to lead projects over those friendly types to run around trading business cards because quality of work will always outshine the friendly factor. Be civil, always be professional, and of course be friendly to. But the goal here is business and getting the job done.
The contacts I want to make aren’t necessary the ones that I can go out and have a drink with, though that would be fine if they were. Some of the best and fastest work I’ve done are with people I wouldn’t care about on a personal level, but professionally they’re top shelf. I don’t think it is helpful to lose sight of that.
Brad:
You’d be surprised at what a little butt kissing today could do for you a couple years from now. I got my current job about five years after I first starting networking with people who worked in my organization. It is a small, highly competitive place to get into. Small staff. Nobody leaves. But when they expanded their staff they hired me and this other guy who had been doing the same thing for about the same amount a time. And it was worth the wait.
Gustavo: I definitely see the value in face-to-face communication, but I’m personally more productive working via email. When I go talk to someone we usually get sidetracked and end up spending more time chatting than intended. I also think that as time marches on we’ll rely more and more on electronic communication. There will always be a place for face time and phone calls, but even now as I see executives glued to their Blackberries I see the future.
Scott M: That really cuts to the heart of why I dislike networking, I do feel disingenuous doing it. Of course, if it were up to me we’d all be wearing signs advertising our current mood so I don’t have to waste time talking to someone who isn’t interested.
Josh: If you were in a position to hire/refer me I’d take you up on it immediately because I’m in desperate need of a change of scenery. As far as Facebook, is there a relationship status for “casual acquiantace with whom I am networking”? I wonder if that means the same thing as “It’s complicated”?
Nathan: I think your comments demonstrate the different types of networking needed for different professions. For you, being direct yet talented is going to be your ticket to building a network of people who respect you, which is great. In my case, since my preferred field portends a lot of interacting with PR folks and directly asking for things they have, I’ve got to be friendly, I can’t get assets any other way. I can be very honest and call out their terrible products for how terrible they are, but that won’t win me any contacts, so I have to blow sunshine up their butts until I get what I want. It all goes back to Scott’s point, and that’s what makes me feel dirty.
Brad:
Yay! I am not alone. I’ve networked till I was blue in the face & all I ended up with was a pile of business cards from people who weren’t planning on returning my calls. It is right up there with the whole ‘personal branding’ idea. It sounds good on paper, but never seems to play out in person. I also have the horrible problem of feeling lame doing it. I can, but I end up thinking “Did I just come off as a used car salesman? Or worse?”
GenerationXpert:
I think there is a key point in your comment: networking with people who worked in my organization
It is a lot easier to schmooze up people you see every day even if it’s just passing them in the hall (I got an internship that way). Brad seemed to be pointing to those without a built in network. Freelance networking leaves me feeling like the desperate girl at a bar throwing back liquid courage hoping someone will notice my stellar personality & think I have some redeemable qualities.
….The more I think about this the more I think jobs & dating are interchangeable…Networking makes me feel cheap & easy. I had a lunch interview the day after starting a new job & felt like I was sneaking off for some employment rendezvous. I even felt a little guilty about. Wtf is that?
There has to be a better system then this weird personality contest one. Not once in college did I take classes on ‘How to have the biggest network’, ‘How to survive the disloyalty of companies in 21st century America’ or ‘Self-Promotion: It’s not just for breakfast anymore’. However anyone of those would probably serve me better then that damn class on the United Nations I suffered through…
While I never used to enjoy networking, in the past year or so I’ve become somewhat of a “social butterfly”, and have come to enjoy the accumulation of contacts. As a 20-something with a much older brother, I have many contacts with whom I grew up knowing, as well as contacts from previous jobs. I’ve often questioned whether or not I would be “bugging” them by staying in touch…but it’s really just as simple as keeping yourself on someone’s radar.
Recently when I needed to find a new job, as mine was killing my spirit, I reached out to my network before I even bothered to start applying for jobs. I reached out to friends, my friend’s parents, friends of friends, and people I met at the bar. I ended up getting a job through my friend’s father, which turned out to be really great.
You can’t go it alone out there anymore…all the jobs that I have had came through my network. I really enjoy networking and meeting new people, even if they don’t all stick.
Brad:
First, what is the price of grain in Micronesia? Second, I hear ya. Networking becomes a lot easier once you have a job because, just like your post, you’re networking with people every day without the pressure of “will you hire me?” or, to continue with the dating analogy “looking for long-term relationship” over your head.
I’ve found there are certain people in life who are connectors. People who like to connect you with other people. If you’re lucky enough to find them, they can open doors not only to the right people, but to the people who are willing to help you land that job.
Two great books to ease your pain…Never Eat Alone by Keith Ferrzzi and Achieving Success Through Social Capital by Wayne Baker. Can’t guarantee they’ll help you on the dating front, but you never know