Social media has already changed the way people communicate and interact with each other and it’s changing the way business works – for the better. But still, a recent Challenger, Gray & Christmas study found that 20% of companies have banned social networking sites from employee computers! If your company is one of those 20%, you should seriously reconsider. Here’s why.

It’s called social NETWORKING for a reason

Network, network, network. It’s all you heard from your parents growing up, your professors in college, and every successful person you’ve talked to since. Companies inherently understand (I hope) that employees need to network both inside and outside the company because you never know where that next big sale, or new hire will come from. In a recent press release, Nick Ragone, Director of Ketchum’s Communications & Media Strategy Group says, “Banning these types of sites would be the equivalent of asking your boss, ‘Do you think I really need to make sales calls or network; can’t I just hang out in my office and wait for the phone to ring?’ ”

Of course not! Why then, would any company consider blocking a website that allows all of your employees to be in one giant virtual room with the best and brightest from inside and outside your industry? Sounds like a case of short-sighted management to me.

Social networks are the best place to recruit

Yes, I’m aware that “passive job seeker” is the big buzzword in recruiting these days, but there’s a reason for that. Passive job seekers are the people your company really wants to recruit. They are the ones who are perfectly happy in their situation. They make a good salary, they enjoy the people they work with, and their employers are happy with their performance. But they still hang out on social networks, they’re actively involved in online communities, and they read blogs. And they will listen to a more attractive job offer if your company can create the online presence you need to connect with these people.

Active job seekers on the other hand, are actively searching for a job for a reason. They’re on Monster, CareerBuilder, and JobFox because they really want to get out of their situation. But, chances are, they are in a less than perfect job because they couldn’t get anything better. You may find the occasional gem of a resume in your inbox, but you’d be much better served to connect with the people you really want through Linkedin, Twitter, or Brazen Careerist.

Social media can directly impact your bottom line

Social networks and blogs are very much about networking, connections and conversation, but if your company big whigs won’t go for anything that doesn’t directly impact the bottom line, show them that social media can do that too.

The Washington Post reports that Marriott made more than $5 million in bookings from people who clicked through to the reservation page from Marriott’s corporate blog. I don’t know the exact traffic numbers for Marriott’s blog, but I do know that the longer blogs are around, and the more you write the more direct traffic you get. And in this case, an increase in direct traffic will no doubt lead to an increase in revenue.

If you hired right, your employees will not waste work time on social media

Ketchum’s press release pretty much sums it up when they say, “Yes, there are a few bad apples that may waste time on these tools, but they will find ways to waste time even if they don’t have social networking sites – they will find something else to distract them.”

Top employees, the employees you should hire, will spend time on social networking sites, but they will not do it at the expense of getting their work done. There are only two possible reasons that your employees are wasting time on these sites. One reason is that you hired the wrong people, and you should get rid of them ASAP. The other option is maybe your company needs to provide more work to employees or re-think how you define employee engagement.

Some companies are so obsessed with controlling employees, they’ve failed to see that banning social networking at work is no different than controlling the number of employees who received a PC in the ‘80s and limiting the number of employees with internet access in the ‘90s. And we all know what a great idea that was. So go ahead, ban social networking at your company. But do so at your own peril.

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I can’t think of a more important goal to be able to meet as an online community manager. Because while we all know the Internet can be a powerful vessel for cultivating relationships, nothing beats the personal touch of face-to-face interaction.

So while I just wrote a post giving advice to would-be community managers, I don’t mind reiterating one of my most important points. If bringing your online community offline is not one of your principal objectives you’re missing a big part of the equation.

Social media use has a short shelf life for many users.

This is true for blogs especially. Most won’t last more than 2-3 months. Even within a strong community good bloggers can lose focus or get bored.

I think it’s because online just isn’t enough. You can spend all day connecting with people all over the world–no boundaries–by the click of the mouse, but you’ll be missing out on a whole lot of life. Sometimes a few boundaries are exactly what people need.

Bringing people together on a local level is exactly what some people need to stay engaged on a global level. While talking to some of our Brazen bloggers, it was great to hear people say the meet up gave them motivation to go home and write. It got me motivated too. And we all need that little boost of encouragement sometimes.

Global communities lack local appeal.

When you have a community of like-minded people online, and there are enough of them in proximity to each other to bring them together offline, don’t miss out on that opportunity. It’s a great way to strengthen the group in a way you normally can’t accomplish via the web.

What was really cool about the D.C. meet up was that it won’t end after the initial night. A few of our D.C. bloggers are in the process of making Brazen Careerist meet ups more regular. And you know when people don’t need an open bar to get together that you must be doing something right.

Tim Ferro put it best. While he was thrilled that we came up and put together the event, he wouldn’t mind doing it on a regular basis, with just our local D.C. crew.

“I’d pay for my own drinks just to get this group back together,” he said.

A great way to connect your community with other organizations.

CORT Business Services, the official sponsor of Brazen Careerist, D.C., is a perfect example. Not only were they absolutely amazing hosts, but they also knew how to connect with a Gen-Y audience without trying to hard sell us on anything.

Brian Keating, CORT Account Executive, spent the entire evening chatting with community members who could totally relate to what their company does: Help young people like ourselves deal with the stress of job relocation by making the process more seamless and worry-free.

It was great to see a Gen-Y friendly company like CORT come to the meet up. Not only did they benefit from a night with an engaging group of young professionals, but we all enjoyed engaging with a company that’s creating solutions to make twentysomething life a little easier.

So for all of you online community managers out there, don’t get too lost online. Always look for ways to bring your community together in the real world. It will not only strengthen what you’ve created, but give you a gauge for where your community can go.

I for one can’t wait for our next Brazen Careerist event. It gives me goose bumps thinking about where we can take things next. In my head, the wheels are always turning. But I’d love to hear what you think too.

How can online communities bring more to their members’ offline lives?

Click here to check out more photos from Brazen Careerist, D.C.

UPDATE: Brazen Careerist, New York City is underway! Click here for more information.

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Five months later, the work has become the reason I get up in the morning. And the reason I keep working late at night. I also feel confident explaining what I can do for a startup in one word—bridge.

When companies, especially startups, get caught up in the hustle of post-funding mayhem, a sturdy bridge is what will keep you aligned with your loyal, pre-funding customers. And those loyal customers are important when you’re community building. It’s a messy and erratic job, but somebody’s gotta do it.

And while some companies think that community managers are pointless, there’s enough buzz about the position to make a few tips for success worth reading about.

1. Be a social media ninja.

Last week at SummerMash Austin, Dan Healy, our new sales guy, got a first-hand look at why being up on social media is so important. People don’t just wear nametags with their name on them anymore. They sport their Twitter I.D. as well.

While Twitter may be the hottest new thing among social media elite, young and old, the rest are just as important to know and understand if you want to be a great online community manager. Equip yourself on a variety of fronts and you’ll optimize how connected you and your community can be.

So LinkedIn, Facebook and MySpace are just as important … okay, not MySpace.

2. Never turn down a cup of coffee.

Spending an hour of your day at a coffee shop with one person may be a waste of time for some people, but community managers need to learn to embrace it. I’ve gained some of my most valuable connections this way.

As a community manager, it’s your job to learn to embrace the individual because there’s not just one kind of customer in most online communities. Spend time with 1-2 people individually every week and you’ll see what I mean.

3. Don’t wait for people to come to you.

Some of your most valuable community members can easily go unnoticed if you let them keep quiet. Statistically speaking, about 25% of your community is going to be naturally introverted and slower to join the conversation, even virtually. It takes a little push to get some people engaged, but then they can’t stop engaging.

It’s your job to identify these members and find a way to get them more involved. Offer them help, or just encourage them from the sidelines. Don’t be pushy, but don’t be afraid to push either. There’s a difference, and it’s likely different for different people, too.

4. Know your community’s goals.

While you’re busy “embracing the individual,” start embracing their goals too. Find out what they’re looking to get out of branding themselves online, and use that information to help them achieve it.

Goals can range from starting a successful business to just expressing themselves as individuals. However lofty their goals may be, there’s always something you can do to help them out.

5. Have an eye for potential.

It’s quite likely that there will be members of your community without a clear goal or direction in mind, but with obvious potential for something bigger. And it’s your job to figure out what that something is.

Recognizing potential is almost natural if you’re accustomed to seeing the best in people right away. And if you have lots of A-team players in your life, you can probably identify high potential even in the youngest members of your community. Regardless it takes a little work, but the rewards can be unexpectedly huge.

6. Find a way to personally connect.

Maybe you both have a dog, or maybe you share similar alma maters, or maybe you just both enjoy watching some hit T.V. show.

Whatever the case, it’s your job to find these commonalities. They’re a golden opportunity to connect on a personal level. And it shows people that you don’t see them as just another member of the community.

7. Display your genuine personality.

The problem with working in a business environment is that we all tend to act a little synthetic from time to time. But the one thing your community doesn’t need is more corporate jargon. Show them your authentic, softer side instead.

Whether it’s for a personal or professional purpose, communities are supposed to be fun, first. And community leaders are responsible for setting the tone so that goal is met for everyone.

8. Speak up for the community.

You’re the spokesperson for your community. You’re responsible for speaking up to the business side of your company on their behalf, even if you end up feeling like the lone wolf, or just the boy crying wolf.

Don’t be afraid to bang heads and stir things up. At the end of the day, it’s what you’re being paid to do. And being the lone wolf is kind of cool anyway.

9. Take it offline.

Tonight we’re hosting our first, fully-sponsored Brazen Careerist event in Washington D.C. and we’re all extremely excited. Having the opportunity to meet a room full of people that you’ve been working with online for months gives me goose bumps.

Community managers should make an offline community presence one of their top priorities. And don’t be afraid to think big either. Think Mashable big. The less you limit yourself, the more you’ll realize is possible as your community matures.

10. Preserve the belief that you are helping people every day.

I should have made this #1, because if you can’t believe that what you’re doing makes a difference in people’s lives, you shouldn’t be doing it.

Traditionally, how we’re valued in the workplace stems from quantifiable results. But a community manager’s results aren’t always quantifiable, and that’s frustrating.

Keep your self-esteem high by reminding yourself that there would be a lot more problems if you weren’t around. You help people with problems that can’t be anticipated always, or even predicted, and it makes a difference.

My best days are when I receive genuine thanks from a person in my community regarding something I did that they thought I didn’t have to. And even though I knew I did have to, it means a lot knowing that it made a difference.

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Take a good look at what you did this year and honestly ask yourself if you deserve a raise. I didn’t deserve one my first year out of school and I didn’t get one. But I was fine with it because I worked my ass off in other areas. Work wasn’t priority number one for me, so giving me a raise probably wasn’t priority number one for my old company.

You Deserve it, but you’re too young
Maybe you do deserve a raise. You tackled new projects, you started a company social committee, you made as many great contacts as you possibly could and you even asked for a raise, but you still didn’t get one. Don’t worry, the corporate world is a little behind the times. A couple of years with a company might seem like a lifetime to you, but to the old folks in the corner office, it’s just a blip on the radar. Sometimes, you have no chance of getting a raise when you’re 24–you’re basically chasing your own tail trying to do everything right for little payoff. If you determine that this really is the case, you may want to reevaluate your career and your current company.

You didn’t ask for one
This one is pretty obvious. Or so you would think. If you don’t ask for a raise, you’re not going to get one. As nice as it would be, there is no one sitting around watching out for you or your career. No one will tell the boss to give you an extra ten grand, you have to ask. Create a list ofeverything you accomplished this year, talk about the numbers you hit, the deliverables you produced and milestones you surpassed. When review time comes around, bring the list to your boss and tell him you want a raise.

If that doesn’t work, put your resume online, get a couple job offers, and bring the offers back to your boss. He won’t be so quick to brush off your request if he knows you have somewhere else to go.

You worked too hard
Working hard is not equal to working smart. Working hard is burying your head in a stack of papers and spending day after day pounding away on your keyboard. Working hard is coming to work an hour early and leaving an hour late, every day.

You can do these things. You can work really hard and still not get a raise because you got so lost in making sure your “work” was done that you forgot to do the right kind of work.

You didn’t do the right kind of work
The right kind of work may not always feel like work and it definitely won’t feel like the most “productive” thing you can do, but it pays off in the end. The right kind of work is putting aside your daily to-do list for an hour and strategizing with the boss after lunch instead. It’s blowing off a night with your friends or significant other to go to the quarterly get-together and network with company big shots. And it’s syncing your schedule with your boss’s, so you come in when he’s in and leave after he’s gone.

Doing the right kind of work makes you a visible and valued asset, and it puts you in the position where you can ask your boss for a raise because you have invested time and energy into forming a solid relationship with her.

You got comfortable
It’s easy to get comfortable at your job. When you do a certain job long enough, you learn the ins and outs. And more importantly you learn the shortcuts. What once took you half a day, now takes an hour.

When you get to that point, it’s very easy to get comfortable. But the people who make the real money and get the big raises, don’t settle for comfortable. Overachievers don’t feel comfortable feeling comfortable. You can only learn and grow when you challenge yourself, and you can only get a big raise after you learn and grow into the new position and higher salary you’re chasing. If you’re comfortable being comfortable, don’t bank on that big raise.

Your boss sucks (and you didn’t do anything about it)
To get a big raise you have to make people like and respect you, but you also have to produce great work. But it’s nearly impossible to produce great work if your supervisor doesn’t provide you with great direction.

Let’s face it, a lot of bosses just aren’t good. It’s not necessarily their fault that they were promoted to manager without the skills to manage well. We’re all stuck in a system that often promotes based on “experience” rather than competence or managerial skills.

So, if your boss sucks, do something about it. Find the person in the office who is best at playing office politics. Take a look around at who can usually be found sitting at their desk, and who can be found hanging out just talking with others. The person who’s chatting the day away probably has the most influence outside of his direct reports, so he’s the guy to talk to.

What you’re after here is a mentor, someone who actually wants to help you grow. After you find the right one and develop a solid relationship, tell him why you deserve a raise and why you’d rather not go to your boss with the request. He can help you find all the reasons why you should, and shouldn’t, get that raise–and help you make real progress in your career.

If all else fails, there is always one final way to get a raise. Find a new job! If you’re young and you have the skills that employers are looking for, there’s a good chance you can get a significant raise by going to another company.

The trick is to start laying the groundwork for a potential exit before it’s too late. Put your resume on the right sites, start blogging about the field you love to work in, and connect with the right people. When you find yourself in a bad position, you’ll have the network in place to jump ship at the right time and start working for the right company, at the right price.

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“Susan! Sit down! Sit down!”

This was my lesson in leadership. First hand, in front of a group of 15 experienced managers, executives, artists and actors, my task was to command them to sit down. They weren’t allowed to sit until they believed me.

I was at TAI in New York City attending a course called Communicating with Power and Presence. Originally started as a training studio for actors, TAI now uses acting principles to train business people to be more visionary thinkers and more effective leaders.

My goals were a little different. I wanted to learn how to command a room. I needed this skill: I’d become a public speaker. My speeches were about managing, recruiting and retaining Generation Y, so the audiences I presented to were much older than me. It was totally rewarding, but it was also completely intimidating.

I was in an interesting position because my speeches consisted of me standing in front of an experienced audience, and more or less telling them how to do their jobs. The only way for an audience to take me seriously was for me to command their attention and respect, and actually connect with each audience member – not necessarily an easy thing for a 24 year old to do.

So, after listening to Penelope Trunk rave about the course for months, I finally took the plunge and found myself at TAI, learning how to command a room and connect–by standing in front of a room full of people at least ten years older than me and commanding them to sit down.

Nobody sat.

Elise, our instructor and a former actor, told me to follow her lead. She punched the air. She screamed at the top of her lungs. And she stomped her feet.

I laughed and shook my head. But eventually, I followed her lead. I punched, I screamed and I stomped.

Then something clicked.

I pointed at Bill.

“Bill, sit down!”

He sat.

I turned left. “Susan, sit down!”

She sat.

One by one, I went through the entire room, truly connecting with each person and forcefully, but politely asking everyone to sit, until no one was left standing. Then, I gathered myself and said,

“Stand up!”

The entire audience stood.

I thanked them, and returned to my seat.

My heart was beating out of my chest. I felt completely ridiculous. But I also felt powerful. I felt like I had finally come full circle. In many ways, I finally felt like I was an adult.

As the course went on, I learned a lot about myself and a lot about other people. I watched each person go to the front of the room hesitant and nervous, only to sit down 45 minutes later with satisfied grins on their faces.

I learned that anyone can overcome what once seemed impossible. As I watched Bill, a 50 year old man, nearly break down in tears of happiness, joy, or maybe just relief, after slowly reciting his speech and connecting with every person in the room, I learned that anyone, at any age, can overcome what stands in their way.

At this particular point in my career, connecting with an audience was what stood in my way. The Communicating with Power and Presence course was my first step toward developing myself as a public speaker and a leader. As my life and my career go forward there will be other roadblocks and setbacks. But now I know there is always some way to clear these obstacles. The trick is to be proactive about it.

Whether its by taking a course at TAI, finding a mentor, or going on an extended vacation, figure out what’s holding you back, and do something about it. Life’s too short and there are too many resources at your fingertips to let anything stand in your way.

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The funny thing is, I could relate. I write about Generation Y all the time and it’s hard to do without sounding a little disingenuous.

So why do I do it? Why does anybody do it? Are people like me doing service to Generation Y or are we making things worse for a group of people that has enough to deal with? I’m on both sides of the fence with this one.

We’re fortifying Gen-Y stereotypes.

And I’m not just talking about the negative ones either. There are plenty of stereotypes out there that may seem encouraging to some of us, but just don’t encompass the entire population.

For instance, I’ve heard some people argue that all Gen Yers are self-starting entrepreneurs. Not true. There are plenty of us out there who are happy with a structured corporate environment and wouldn’t want it any other way.

Look at me for instance, a founder of a startup. But I wouldn’t necessarily consider myself a trademark entrepreneur. I owe the more entrepreneurial elements of our company’s success to my business partners. And lucky for me, there’s a newfound respect for the role of a community manager in the startup space.

We’re not traditional experts. So what are we talking about?

On the Internet you don’t have to be an expert to be considered an authority and that’s perfectly fine with me. But at the same time it’s dangerous for anyone who doesn’t understand that most bloggers are writing based on opinion, not fact.

Most Gen-Y bloggers are not experts. I’ve given speeches on the topic and I still have a hard time calling myself “expert.” Maybe it’s because I know that my opinions will inevitably change. Or maybe I just know that what I want now, in my twenties, isn’t going to be what I want when I’m thirty, or forty.

But, I also think I have a hard time playing the expert because everything we’re saying about Generation Y isn’t going to be true when we finally become the leaders of this world. Some of it will, but certainly not all of it. Nostradamus couldn’t predict things that accurately, either can we.

And still, I see a lot of value in putting our young voices out there for the world to hear. Just because we’re not going to get everything right, doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t be thinking.

It teaches us about the bigger picture.

Generation Y is given a bad rap for being narcissists, but the young people I know who are writing well about their generation are doing it with other people in mind.

Writing about Generation Y is important because it helps us analyze where we’re headed as a group of people. It brings up questions about what we can and can’t do, what we want and don’t want. And that means we’re getting a head start on all of the fantastic changes we hope to make in the world.

And maybe some of our expectations sound a bit delusional to disillusioned Gen Xers, but a lot of them aren’t as far-fetched as some believe. The import thing is that we’re thinking about it, and talking about it, together. And that means we’re much more likely to make something happen, learning from each other along the way.

If we don’t, somebody else still will.

When I first entered the blogosphere and wrote about Generation Y, there were a lot of haters out there. There still are. And while the media continued to bash us, story after story, nobody from our generation took the time to fight back.

Would it better if we didn’t talk back? Is it better to let our antagonists nitpick at all of our flaws and not even mention one of our many amazing qualities?

The obvious answer is no.

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1. You don’t know how to manage yet.
College cannot teach you how to manage. As nice as it would be, managers learn to be great from experience, and that’s it. Everyone is different, every situation is different and the only way to be a great manager is to have experiences in your back pocket that you can fall back on when you’re faced with a difficult situation. Over the past few months I’ve learned this first hand by learning to manage on the fly. It’s difficult, much harder than I ever expected, and I have a ton of respect for anyone who is great at it. You can take management courses and read management books, but you’ll never learn to be a great manager without doing it.

2. Everything’s a negotiation.
Negotiations happen nearly every day in business. It’s amazing how many situations I’ve managed through that when I look back on them, I realize were actually a negotiation. Whether it’s Business-to-Customer sales, Business-to-Business sales, salary, equity, ordirect report interactions, most of your conversations in the real world will involve some sort of give and take. College can teach you some basic principles, but you’re better off getting practice by trying to buy a used car if you want to learn how to negotiate in the business world.

3. Networking has changed.
Unfortunately, colleges are behind the times. You would think with all the money they charge us, they would be ahead of the curve, but they’re not. College professors cannot teach you how to create a “new” type of network. New networks are created online, with lots of loose connections, managed with social networking sites like Linked In and Brazen Careerist. You create your network by establishing expertise in your field and gaining visibility with the right people who share the same interests. College might teach you how to network in person, but the new networking is done online, and it’s way more complicated and efficient.

4. You must create your own work.
College provides you with assignments, tests, quizzes and projects. Each of these things is handed down from a higher power (your professor) and you are told what’s expected of you to earn a good grade. The business world is a whole different game. You will be handed assignments from a higher power (your boss) but there are also a million things you can do to go above and beyond. And if you want to advance in your company, join another company, or start your own, you need to learn how to create your own work, and that work you create must help the bottom line if you want to be considered successful.

5. Work is never done.
I’ve learned a lot of things since starting Brazen Careerist, but one of the most important lessons I’ve learned is that the work is never done. No matter how sure you are that you’ve done everything you can think of, there will always be something else to do when you wake up in the morning. If you’re sitting around at 10 pm and you’re bored with nothing to do, grab your computer and do a little work. Sure, you could put it off ‘til the morning, but I guarantee that when you walk in the doors to the office, you’ll have a full plate, no matter how much work you do the night before.

6. All work is not done sitting in front of a computer.
I often feel like I should be doing more work when my day consists of phone calls, meetings and random discussions around the office. And it’s true, there is usually a lot of busy work I didn’t get done at the end of a day like this, but when you start moving up that proverbial ladder, work becomes less and less sitting in front of a computer, and more and more talking, managing, and brainstorming. In fact, when you get to the point where work is hardly sitting in front of the computer at all, work starts to become a lot more fun.

7. Everyone looks out for themselves.
Some professors may be tough, but in general they all want you to succeed. Sometimes a curve will create a little competition, but for the most part your peers don’t care one way or the other if you fail or succeed. The business world is much different. Everyone is looking out for themselves. If you fail, your peers have a better chance of being promoted. If you started a company, people justify their choice to not take the same type of risk by secretly wishing for you not to succeed. The best bosses are supportive, but when it comes down to it, people look out for themselves. In business, you can’t trust everyone; it’s all on you to succeed.

8. Straight A’s will not make you a CEO, only a great entry level employee.
Students with 4.0 GPA’s are recognized and honored at graduation and generally admired in school. But I do not want to work for anyone who got straight A’s in school. But I would happily hire anyone who got straight A’s. Why? Straight A’s means you are great at doing the work you are assigned. You study hard, work hard and were rewarded because of that. But leading a company or starting a company requires much more. It requires social skills, vision, and creating work when there is nothing tangible there. It’s no surprise that some of the world’s top business leaders were college drop-outs–you’ve got to be a little nuts to believe you can lead a massive organization or create something from nothing. So be wary if your CEO was a straight A student, he’s probably in the wrong position.

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Due paying gets a bad rap because it’s consistently associated with cubicles, meaningless work and low-paying jobs with little benefit. But I believe that there are other inevitable obstacles—more important ones—that we need to conquer before deciding where we stand within the working world.

Here are three due-paying opportunities that we all need to think about before fussing over the traditional connotation of “paying your dues.”

Discover who your true friends are.

If you’re more than a year out of college you’ve likely figured it out—everyone you considered friends at school is not going to be there forever. In fact, it’s quite possible that you’ll encounter some mild betrayal before long. It comes with the territory.

I consider myself pretty lucky. But there are times when I’m utterly let down. And because everyone has their own goals, though sometimes fairly hazy goals, you shouldn’t dwell on the people in your life that didn’t end up being as loyal as you thought they would be.

What I’ve learned to do is this: whenever somebody lets you down, put your energy into someone who consistently picks you up. Those are the people you want to center your life around. And it’s those people who will continue to add meaning in your life as you pay your dues as a twentysomething.

Discover what it’s like to be alone.

While I continue to realize that I still have some true friends, there are still days when I can’t help but feel lost and alone. And I think that most people feel this way at some point.

Whether you’re single, dating or married, we all have to figure out for ourselves where we fit in the world. Sure, you can count on your loved ones for support, but it’s you alone who makes the decision about where you fit and what makes you happy.

One thing I’ve learned since moving to Madison and starting Brazen Careerist is that life can’t be measured by your social life alone, and it’s certainly not measured by a paycheck or by where you stand in the hierarchy of the working world. The most important measure in life is how you feel about yourself. And some of the biggest revelations will hit you not when you’re out partying with friends or working towards a higher salary, but when you’re by yourself, alone and kind of unsettled by the things that are still missing in your life.

Sound depressing? Sure. It’s seldom a fairy tale experience for any of us. But what you learn through these experiences is what you need to move forward and be more of the person you want to be someday.

Feeling alone is a big part of paying your dues. Don’t fear it; try to embrace it and get comfortable.

Discover your fear, and conquer it.

Lately I’ve been reading Christine Hassler’s 20 Something Manifesto. I learn best from listening to other people’s experiences and this book is jammed-pack with twenty-something life.

Today I read about fear and I can’t stop thinking about what Christine says:

If you have a skill, dream, or desire that you are passionate about pursuing, perhaps the biggest obstacle you will face is your own fear…Fear can keep us in bad situations, and also from pursuing our passions. Fear can often be a stronger motivator than the desire for success, stopping us in our tracks before we even find out what we want.

Lately I’ve been talking to a few people who seem to have something in mind that they want to do, but aren’t sure how to really do it. But I’m starting to believe it’s less about the actual drawing out a plan and more about drawing up the courage to make it happen.

Whether it’s leaving a new job, starting a new one, moving away from family and friends, or any other daunting scenario I’ve ever faced, the most difficult part of the transition was mustering up the courage to do it. But once I sucked things up and overcame the fear of failure, everything else was gravy in comparison.

And sure, I still encounter little failures along the way. But they only make me better. A few scars are worth the irritation because you’ll look at them later and remember what you did wrong that put them there in the first place.

So before you fret about office politics or the way the working world views Generation Y, think about developing yourself. People are always going to whine about how lazy and self-absorbed young people are, so let’s just spend these years paying real dues first–ones that will actually pay off for the rest of our lives.

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1. What time he comes to work
Sometimes I come to work at 7 AM. Sometimes I come to work at 11 AM. Sometimes I’ll find myself all alone at the office for the better part of a day because my Gen Y co-workers are somewhere else. Lucky for us, we work at a start up where we only care about face time if there is an important meeting. I don’t mind if no one is at the office because I know that sometimes when I come in at 7 AM, I have a hard time concentrating and get no work done. And sometimes when I come in at 11 AM, I spent the entire morning in front of my laptop at home, getting a ton of work done.

If you’re managing a Gen Yer, and there are no important meetings on the schedule, don’t worry about what time he comes to work. Because, as we all know, results matter. Hours don’t.

2. What time he leaves work
Yesterday I left work at 3 pm to take a nap. Today, I’ll be working well past dinner. Maybe you got the point already, but I’ll say it again, hours don’t matter. Older folks can use the “I need to pick my kids up at school” excuse and walk out of work guilt free. We twentysomethings aren’t quite so lucky. You can only come up with so many doctor, dentist and family emergency excuses before they are worn out.

Create an environment where people don’t judge ANYONE who decides to leave early on a sunny Friday afternoon to meet up with some friends, because everyone trusts that the work will be done come Monday morning.

3. What’s on his computer screen
Don’t be surprised to see Facebook, Twitter, Brazen Careerist, ESPN, Gmail, Word, Excel and Powerpoint all open at the same time on your Gen Yers screen. In fact, only having those tabs open would be a fairly focused afternoon for me.

But it’s OK. We can still get our work done. All that stuff is open because, quite frankly, we’re all a little ADD. Sending out a tweet or leaving a comment on a blog is a necessary distraction every 20 minutes or so. Honestly, lots of Gen Yers wonder how anyone can sit at a desk and do nothing but work for 8 straight hours without going insane?

4. His ultimately meaningless fashion statements
When I worked for IBM, I was on a project at the Pentagon. As you might guess, this required a full suit every single day . As if this wasn’t painful enough, I swear my military co-workers shaved every hour on the hour. So when I walked in with my day old stubble, I felt a little out of place.

But you know what? I actually look better with a little stubble, and I would trade shaving for 10 extra minutes of sleep any day of the week. At one point I decided to grow a goatee. I wanted to see when my boss would tell me to shave it. He told me to shave it after a week. I told him it was in style and kept it for another week.

The message is: you’ve got to look past a little facial hair, or a pair of open toed sandals, and just worry about your employees’ work ethic and production if you want to get the most out of them.

5. Anything he does at happy hour
Everyone loves happy hour. It’s the time to kick back, relax and unwind from a long day of work….with the people you just worked with. Things happen. Drinks happen. We’re all young, we’re in our prime partying years and some of us handle our liquor better than others. So whatever you do, don’t judge your Gen Y employees based on what happens toward the tail end of happy hour.

The truth is, the managers should be long gone by the time things get a little crazy. And if they’re not, they should be getting a little crazy too. The worst thing I ever did at a happy hour (well, 2 hours after it officially ended) was engage in a little too much PDA with a co-worker. Not sure what came over us (hint: alcohol), and luckily no one saw it, but I can’t imagine what would have happened if anyone did. My advice: ignore what happens at happy hours, if you can’t, then I’d advise you stay away from the party.

6. His lack of “experience”
It’s OK if your Gen Y employee doesn’t know how to punch a time clock and can’t relate to your high school summer job experience. It has nothing to do with whether he will work hard for you. There is definite truth to the claim that you need to work hard as a child to learn the value of a dollar and the value of hard work, but what summer jobs can offer us is different now.

Your Gen Y overachiever couldn’t have settled for a summer job at McDonald’s if she’d wanted to, because a summer spent flipping burgers is not going to get you into Harvard. And it probably wouldn’t get you into a lot of less competitive schools. But a summer spent volunteering in Africa will go a long way toward getting you into a good college, and it betters the world, too. Look past her lack of traditional experience, teach your Gen Yer how to do the little things that she’s missed (even if you think it’s stupid), and figure out how to capitalize on the knowledge and experience she gained from leading her business organization or studying abroad.

7. His personal phone calls
When you were an entry level worker, maybe you wouldn’t have dreamed of calling your girlfriend to say hello right after lunch or dialing up your mechanic to schedule a time to drop your car off for service. But work and life are no longer two distinct entities and this goes for both the office and at home.

Look past the fact that it’s not business for everyone all the time at the office. Because just as I have no problem making personal calls at the office, I also have no problem making a business call or sending an email during my “personal” hours in front of the TV. Life happens 24 hours a day and now, so does work. So look past the personal phone calls at the office and enjoy how your Gen Y worker will use the whole day to get those results you need for the business.

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It feels like everyone is saying the same stuff over and over. Boomers and X’ers complain about Generation Y, and then Generation Y complains about everybody else. But really, we should all just be complaining about ourselves together.

We all have a lot of similar traits that make the workplace really suck sometimes. But for some reason we’re so distracted by the minor differences between us that we forget how we’re all a pain in the ass sometimes.

Generations aside, here are three things that will always remain the same:

We all have unrealistic expectations of each other.

Does Generation Y have unrealistic expectations when it comes to our first jobs? Absolutely, but who can blame us?

When it comes to education, I can’t remember one professor who taught me the ins and outs of entry-level living. And parents, well, let’s face it. It was a much different world when then got out of school than it is today.

So while Gen Y needs to get a grip on what it means to be at the bottom of the food chain, managers need to re-evaluate what they expect their young workers to be in tune with. It seems pretty logical to me that we won’t know everything.

We’re all a little stubborn at first.

My first real project was facilitating groups of senior management on a new operating model being released to the company. Nobody wanted to change and there was a lot of resistance.

“Why do we need to change now?” they’d ask.

Everyone left grumbling about all the work they’d now have to do, explaining this system to their employees. I didn’t hear from any of them for weeks.

Then a couple weeks later people starting calling for materials to hand out to their employees. It started to make sense that no matter how much they fought, the company was still making a change.

I think the same is going to happen with the rift between Generation Y and the rest of the workforce. Only it will happen a lot slower. Change is a dirtier process when it occurs from the bottom up.

But just wait until you catch your boss texting and loving it. They’re already sending emails via Blackberry, which is really not that different.

We’re all whiners.

The older I get, the more I realize that we are all just a bunch of whiners. And by we I don’t mean Generation Y. I mean we as in everybody.

For over a year now I’ve listened to older generations hate on Generation Y, then Generation Y hate back. Even I threw my own two cents into the blogosphere, adding some fuel to the on-going fire of generational conflict.

The sooner we come to terms with the fact that we all have something worth complaining about, the sooner we can cooperate using the only method that’s ever kept the majority happy—give and take.

I’m hoping as more Gen Ys mature and become accustomed to the realities of the workplace, it’ll be easier for us all to grasp that we all have problems, regardless of our generation.

But even then, Gen Next will enter the working world, bringing more grief for the rest of us who are corporately over the hill. So let the cycle continue, I guess. Just don’t let me become the guy who calls all those young employees selfish and entitled. Let me be the cool boss, please.

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