Weak Ties and Strong Friendships

One of the most difficult things I've faced since graduating college is keeping up with my friends. You would think that because of Facebook, MySpace, Linked In, Blogs, Twitter and all the other fancy social networking tools out there, staying in touch would be easy. And I'm sure it is much easier than it was in the past.

However, a yearly happy birthday wish on a friend's Facebook wall, or following your friends' daily lives through their blogs and Twitter updates, is a far cry from maintaining a friendship. Real friendships start because of a connection between you and another human being, maintaining those friendships requires putting in the effort to preserve that connection.

What social networks have created is a plethora of weak interpersonal ties. Wikipedia says,

More novel information flows to individuals through weak rather than strong ties. Because our close friends tend to move in the same circles that we do, the information they receive overlaps considerably with what we already know. Acquaintances, by contrast, know people that we do not, and thus receive more novel information.

Social networks are great, as you can see from the above definition; they're actually a breeding ground for the creation of weak ties. These networks give the user the ability to create hundreds or thousands of weak ties, all transmitting novel information through their respective networks.

But these networks also make it very easy to decrease the number of strong ties or actual friends that each of us has. When we all leave college and move to different parts of the country, we're no longer moving in the same familiar circles. Without a conscious effort, it's very easy for old best friends become weak tied, online acquaintances.

Everyone should embrace new technology and social networks to create as many weak ties as possible. Having a million online acquaintances allows you to embrace the diversity that exists in the world and provides the connections you need to advance anywhere you want in your career. But the way I see it, a thousand weak ties cannot replace the connection that comes from one strong tie.

So, pick up the phone and have a heart to heart with your best friend from college, log into Gmail and start a conversation with your High School buddy, or send a long email to your ex girlfriend or boyfriend (assuming he/she doesn't hate you).

I'm going to take my own advice and do the same, because other than family, I can't think of one thing more important than a strong tie and a solid friendship.

Thinking Inside the Box: the Dreaded Performance Review

Please welcome Brad Hilderbrand, a fellow twentysomething and all around funny guy. Brad will be writing for Employee Evolution on Wednesdays to help us keep the mood light and remember that a good musing can go a long way when the workweek is only half over. Hang in there and enjoy.

If there's one day every employee dreads it's performance review day. Bad employees get their comeuppance for that hour-long nap they take every afternoon, while good employees start sweating every little thing they could have done over the past six months to raise their boss' ire.

Remember that one day back in October when you left five minutes early on a Friday so you could meet up with your buddies to go to a haunted house? Yeah, that's probably going to come up. So it was with great trepidation and anxiety that I recently faced my execution…I mean review.

I trudged to work that day and the clock slowed to an absolute crawl. My review was at 10 a.m. and every minute took longer to pass than the last. By the time 9:50 rolled around I felt as though I had gone through three lifetimes; in one of them I was a pirate. That was a good one.

At 9:55 I realized I COULD make a break for it. By the time they knew I was gone I'd be halfway to Canada, and we all know they don't do performance reviews there, it's too cold. Knowing my luck though the exits were sealed, and any attempt at escape would be thwarted by the chip I'm still sure they implanted in my brain during that dreadfully boring orientation video.

While lost in my thoughts I lost track of the time…10 a.m. The governor wasn't calling and I wasn't getting a pardon, time to face the music.

I showed up at my boss' office. "Come on in, close the door," she said. Those last three words portend doom.

No matter what happens now, no one is coming to save me, I'm alone. I'm going to have to think fast now. The time I was doing the shopping online, well that was because my wife's birthday was coming up and she couldn't know what I was getting her. The fact that I'm writing this very post during work hours, well this is a recruitment tool you see, liable to bring more people into our little working community once they see we can laugh at each other.

I looked at my boss and she began, "Let's see what there is to talk about…"

Have those words ever been followed by something good? It's not like that sentence ends with "…would you like a $2,000 raise and the candy bar of your choice?" No, normally it's more along the lines of "…you know how we've been talking about making sure the company runs at peak efficiency? Well you're what we consider to be non-essential personnel."

Most of the conversation was typical boring office tripe. Mainly the boss telling me that I'm doing a good job and that an internal investigation had determined I probably didn't start the fire that nearly wiped out the Accounting Department.

The crux of our conversation focused on burnout and finding meaning for my work. Funny thing is, I'm not the first person to feel this way. I'm the third person to hold this position, and my two predecessors quit because they just felt like they were repeatedly running headlong into a wall. And every time they asked management why they were running headlong into said wall, management said, "It's for the good of the order. Now back to work, you're not bleeding enough to take a lunch break."

So obviously, it couldn't be the work that drove us all crazy, nope we must all just not be doing it right.

My boss and I agreed that I should take some vacation time. Of course, we all know there's no better time to be outside than in January when the daily highs only reach the double digits on special occasions. The boss thinks I should go somewhere tropical; I think she should buy the plane ticket and finance the hotel accommodations. So instead I sit in my little felt box, looking at pictures of tropical places and trying to contain my rage.

So yeah, the review went well. And in a couple weeks I'm taking two whole days off in the height of winter to "de-stress." Hopefully writing this weekly column won't be hampered; obviously they expect me to come back with all my cynicism cleansed and sarcastic tones wiped away.

But fear not dear readers, I'm planning on being here for a while.

When You Take a Sick Day…

When you take a sick day, how do you feel?

• Guilty like you've gone and selfishly removed a day's worth of productivity

• Worried that you'll have so much piled up when you come back

• Anxious because you are so essential people can't get by without you

• Relaxed because you're helping yourself get better

• Semi-productive because you end up crawling in bed with your laptop and working anyway

I'm sick today and have been all weekend. Luckily my firm is of the "don't come to work when you're sick, we'll still pay you" mindset.

But, it makes me feel guilty. That guilt leads to semi-productiveness. And that semi-productiveness leads to me sending out emails and putting out as many fires as I can from the comfort of my home. I'm still getting rest. I have plenty of tissues at hand and I'm comfortable in my sweatpants.

Unfortunately, I know people who don't get (free, unlimited, or any) sick days. Are you one of those? Do you have a laptop you bring home?

My suspicion is you don't. You're not doing guilty work at home like me.

Making a Connection with People Over 40

Millennials are great at social networking tools like LinkedIn, Facebook and MySpace. Which is great — the fastest growing demographic for many of these sites (ages 35+ on Facebook) are the people who are trying to hire us — but it's not enough. You need to know how to connect in the real world if you want to make a great impression.

For twentysomethings, this is a big challenge. How do you start a conversation with someone you have nothing in common with?

Making a connection with someone who is much older than you is not easy, but learning a little etiquette can go a long way.

Don't shift your personality to fit their mold

I hate when people try to act like someone they're not in order to make a good impression. It looks so stupid. And honestly, it's not what older people want to see.

What older people want is a young professional who is curious and intellectual (and you shouldn't have to act like you're over 40 to figure this out). Your youthful flare is a gift. Let it show.

You don't know more than they do, so don't act like it

Okay, sometimes we do know more about certain things. But being overly cocky about it is going to get you nowhere.

It's good to have confidence when you're talking to someone older, but don't confuse confidence and arrogance. Sometimes it can be a fine line, especially when you're intimidated.

The best way to approach any dialogue with an older person is to share your opinions, but listen intently and respectfully to theirs. Don't make it a debate. Proving someone wrong is no way to win them over.

Know how to navigate who will pay the bill

If you're meeting someone in person for the very first time it's likely that it's going to be over some sort of food or beverage. And in the end, a bill is going to be involved.

Though it's courteous to always offer to pay, sometimes it's even more respectful to let your elders pick up the tab. For some people, it's a position of authority that they like to hold. And it's totally understandable. Who wants some kid picking up their tab?

Here are a few rules to loosely follow (WARNING: not always true):

• Whoever can expense the outing pays

• Whoever initiated the outing pays

• If someone is visiting from out of town, you pay

• If someone makes a lot more money than the other person, they'll usually offer to pay, but not always

Being interested in them will make them interested in you

One of the greatest strengths when talking to older people is not being afraid to ask a lot of questions. After years of experience, most people love getting an opportunity to share what they've learned. And it's the easiest way to keep them engaged with you.

We're all a little narcissistic (some more than others). When we ask someone questions about their life and what they've experienced we're indirectly stroking their ego. What better way to show your interest?

Of course sucking up is not recommended. Nobody wins any points by blatantly kissing ass. Unless, of course, you have a serious narcissist on your hands, in that case brown-nose at your own risk.

A Workaholic or a Passionate Worker?

It all started at the dinner table when I was 10. That's when I first remember listening to my parents talk work. They discussed meetings, deadlines, hiring's and firing's. It wasn't the typical dinner conversation where Dad asks, "How was work?" And mom replies, "Oh it was good."

No, it was down and dirty. They held nothing back. They coached each other, they argued about how one of them made a bad decision in a particular situation, and they openly shared the information with my brother and me.

I saw the passion they had for their work. I saw that they woke up every morning for more than a paycheck and brought their work to the dinner table because they cared, not because someone told them to.

These days, I've joined the work conversation. My calls home usually revolve around business. I tell my father about launch dates and prospective speaking or consulting gigs. He tells me about the new position he needs to fill and the fundraising dinner he hosted the other night. I tell my mother about the interesting dynamics of working in a start-up. And she tells me about all the craziness that comes from overseeing a big corporate merger.

The problem is, I've become increasingly worried that I'm turning into a workaholic. I work most of the day, and then I work after dinner. I find myself daydreaming about something work related during a movie. I was in San Francisco for my cousins wedding last weekend. I definitely enjoyed myself, but I couldn't help but work a few hours each day.

The fact is, my life revolves around work. But according to Seth Godin, I'm not a workaholic. I'm just lucky enough to be a part of a new class of worker.

"A workaholic lives on fear. It's fear that drives him to show up all the time. The best defense, apparently, is a good attendance record.

A new class of jobs (and workers) is creating a different sort of worker, though. This is the person who works out of passion and curiosity, not fear.

The passionate worker doesn't show up because she's afraid of getting in trouble, she shows up because it's a hobby that pays. The passionate worker is busy blogging on vacation… because posting that thought and seeing the feedback it generates is actually more fun than sitting on the beach for another hour. The passionate worker tweaks a site design after dinner because, hey, it's a lot more fun than watching TV.

It was hard to imagine someone being passionate about mining coal or scrubbing dishes. But the new face of work, at least for some people, opens up the possibility that work is the thing (much of the time) that you'd most like to do. Designing jobs like that is obviously smart. Finding one is brilliant."

Since corporations took over many years ago, work has been just that, work. Today, it can be something far different. Today, the smartest corporations are designing jobs that people can be passionate about, and the smartest people are tirelessly searching for those jobs or creating their own because they know that the right job can be a gift.

When you find that work you're passionate about, you will discuss it at the dinner table, you will leave the beach an hour early to write that blog post and you will answer a quick email during a movie. You'll do all of this not because you're a workaholic, you'll do it because you can't imagine doing anything else.

So, what's your passion?