Making a Connection with People Over 40

Great post Ryan. As an 'over 40' person, I appreciate the differences between us. Your advice to be yourself is spot on. For me especially if I'm with someone in their twenties, I really am not focused on their age, but on what brought us together in the first place. In the end age is just a number, focus on good business etiquette or just good manners and you'll never go wrong. Of course that applies to all of us.

Ryan, good points here. I think its an important consideration to recognize that we can't fully conform to an organization because we have to supply the organization with something new.

This is a great post. Really good advice. I would also add that another benefit of not being cocky or trying to act older than you are is that you might get a helpful mentor out of it — if you act like you don't need help, though, obviously you won't get it.

Thanks for the feedback guys. I'm glad it rings true to some of out older readers.

Scott:

Like yourself, I don't really concentrate on age. Or at least try not to. Subconsciously it does get me sometimes. But in the best business relationships I've had, age held little value. And you're right, as long as the relationship works, it really shouldn't.

Dan:

So true. Some of our greatest value lies in the new ideas we can bring to the table. Our youthful energy is also a plus. Especially to those who need a dose of excitement.

Ask a Manager:

Cockiness is never good. People my age should never act like they know too much. There's always more we can take away from the more experienced people around us. And nobody is going to go out of their way for some bratty know-it-all.

[...] of the current state of the economy and emerging trends in marketing we were able to maintain the interest this gentleman had in us long after the shock of us being undergraduate college students wore [...]

You first tip is right on. I have found that people who are really successful do not do that weird corporate-speak thing where they want to "create synergies." Whenever I hear someone doing that – no matter their age – the hairs on the back of neck stand up and I think, "you're not really that smart, are you?"

Be respectful, be comfortable, be yourself. Works every time.

Good advice, Ryan. The more the generations reach out to each other to make connections, the better. It's great to encourage the Millennials to take the initiative. A few comments to add from a Boomer who has past 40 a while ago:

Cut off in mid-post, a few comments:
Why would you assume that a 20-something has nothing in common with a person over 40? It sounds like the Boomers saying many years ago, "Don't trust anyone over 30." Until you speak with someone, you udon't know what you have in common (unless you have researched them, which might give some clues.) So always look for common ground and interests. That's mostly not an age-related thing.
Also, personal behavioral style is a significant factor. Most people can relate as well or better to people with a similar personal style than they might with people of similar age.
Lastly, "don't confuse confidence with arrogance." Arrogance usually is bred from insecurity. Be confident in who you are and in your willingness to establish rapport with people of all ages, being respectful and curious. Don't fake what you don't know, and develop a comfort in and a talent for asking in a way that engages others.
Personally, I love making connections with 20-somethings and consider many of them my friends (and vice versa).

I think your point about being cocky is spot on – but also realize that you do know some things that an older person might not know. I was friends with a group of boomer men at my old job and they liked me because I related to them like friends and not like "old guys." They liked that I could teach them how to do things with their company cell phones or talk to them about facebook.

I try to relate to all people without regard to age. I talk to kids like they are adults and older people like they are in their 20's (while staying appropriate if I don't know them as well). It seems to work.

Good post, though I didn't get the "navigating the bill" section. Rules that are loosely followed aren't very useful, are they? Seems more confusing than helpful to me.

GenerationXpert:

Thank you. You're quite right. Jargon is no way to impress. I wish I had specifically mentioned that in my post.

*Side note: I hate the word synergy.

Phyllis:

You can always find common ground. You're right. Thanks for reminding me and everyone else.

When I first wrote this post, I actually had a whole sub point devoted to finding commonality. I took it out because I think finding the commonality is the end result of making the connection.

My second paragraph is misleading, but what it meant to me is that at first it seems like there's no common ground. But once we're willing to connect you will find that there's way more in common than you could've imagined.

Always appreciate your P.O.V. Thank you.

Monica:

Dealing with bills is always a bit confusing. So I figure loose guidelines are better than none at all. When you find yourself in situations like these it's nice to be able to think about the scenario and then make a gut decision.

Good stuff. As someone who has always gotten along with an older generation better, and as someone who really doesn't get along with many people my own age, it's nice to see that there is a give and take, and that my age CAN be a benefit, whether it's a different perspective, a better understanding of trends and tools (esp. technology), or just a reminder that we were all young once.

For twentysomethings, this is a big challenge.How do you start a conversation with someone you have nothing in common with?

WOW! That almost sounds like age discrimination.
If you don't think you have something in common with someone just because they are older or younger than you…..you're not trying very hard. Every person you come into contact with has something to teach you. You'll live a much more fulfilled life if you are open to that regardless of their age, race, religion, nationality, etc.

Norcross:

I got a lot of positive feedback from older people about this post. I think it's because they're waiting for more Gen-Ys to reach out. They see the benefit in getting to know us because they also see the benefit in our different perspectives, talents, experiences, etc.

Angie:

Sorry if I was misleading. I never meant to sound like it's impossible to connect with older people or that we have nothing in common with them. If that was the case, this post would be pretty useless.

See my response to Phyllis above. She thought the exact same thing, so you're not wrong for taking it the way you did. It's just not the way I intended it to sound.

A little late to the discussion, but I work in a group of about 25 or so, and because I had ridiculous amounts of free time during my initial training, the other "young guy" and I decided to run some stats. Estimates showed the average age was about 38, with a SD of about 6-7. That puts me a twice the standard deviation away from the average!

In the last year or so, there's been a concerted effort to bring in the "young crowd" which, around here, means those in their low 30s. This is all fine, and I'm all for working with an older crowd, but it can be odd at times when you're closer in age to your coworkers' children.

But I will agree with many of the points here. I find myself able to relate with all different things that I've never would have initially considered. I went skydiving this year, and while some were shocked, it gave a chance for some of the other coworkers, nearing 50, to talk about how they went skydiving a couple years ago. That made for some really interesting discussion. After spending a week mountain climbing, I got to find out about how another guy had traveled for a couple years in the 80s scaling mountains all over the world…

The main point, and really the only rule, as far as I'm concerned, is to be yourself. Show interested in what you enjoy, be willing to listen. There's no need to censor your personality. I'm sarcastic and cynical, and my coworkers love it. I think as long as you're keeping an open mind about who you're working with, you might make some solid connections, regardless of age involved.

As 40 yr old ancient relic myself, I'd like to add another couple of points:

1. Don't get paranoid if the person turns out unfriendly- some people over 40 are prejudiced against under-30s and think of them more as mentally unbalanced teens than actual adults. If it goes really badly, talk to someone you trust, decide what went wrong and decide whether to be patient for a longer term (most prejudice wears off when people get to know you) or keep your distance with this person.
2. Have in mind some of your longer-term goals and where you might like your life to have got to by the time you are 10 or 20 years older, as a way of focussing your questions and making the conversation more meaningful in a shared way. They might tell you stuff that you need to know sooner than you think, for instance.

[...] short, it's really important to be conscious of your audience. And not just about what they're saying, but what they'll be interested in you [...]