Making a Connection with People Over 40

Published by Ryan Paugh on January 21st, 2008 in Career Development, Work/Life | 16 Comments

Millennials are great at social networking tools like LinkedIn, Facebook and MySpace. Which is great — the fastest growing demographic for many of these sites (ages 35+ on Facebook) are the people who are trying to hire us — but it's not enough. You need to know how to connect in the real world if you want to make a great impression.

For twentysomethings, this is a big challenge. How do you start a conversation with someone you have nothing in common with?

Making a connection with someone who is much older than you is not easy, but learning a little etiquette can go a long way.

Don't shift your personality to fit their mold

I hate when people try to act like someone they're not in order to make a good impression. It looks so stupid. And honestly, it's not what older people want to see.

What older people want is a young professional who is curious and intellectual (and you shouldn't have to act like you're over 40 to figure this out). Your youthful flare is a gift. Let it show.

You don't know more than they do, so don't act like it

Okay, sometimes we do know more about certain things. But being overly cocky about it is going to get you nowhere.

It's good to have confidence when you're talking to someone older, but don't confuse confidence and arrogance. Sometimes it can be a fine line, especially when you're intimidated.

The best way to approach any dialogue with an older person is to share your opinions, but listen intently and respectfully to theirs. Don't make it a debate. Proving someone wrong is no way to win them over.

Know how to navigate who will pay the bill

If you're meeting someone in person for the very first time it's likely that it's going to be over some sort of food or beverage. And in the end, a bill is going to be involved.

Though it's courteous to always offer to pay, sometimes it's even more respectful to let your elders pick up the tab. For some people, it's a position of authority that they like to hold. And it's totally understandable. Who wants some kid picking up their tab?

Here are a few rules to loosely follow (WARNING: not always true):

• Whoever can expense the outing pays

• Whoever initiated the outing pays

• If someone is visiting from out of town, you pay

• If someone makes a lot more money than the other person, they'll usually offer to pay, but not always

Being interested in them will make them interested in you

One of the greatest strengths when talking to older people is not being afraid to ask a lot of questions. After years of experience, most people love getting an opportunity to share what they've learned. And it's the easiest way to keep them engaged with you.

We're all a little narcissistic (some more than others). When we ask someone questions about their life and what they've experienced we're indirectly stroking their ego. What better way to show your interest?

Of course sucking up is not recommended. Nobody wins any points by blatantly kissing ass. Unless, of course, you have a serious narcissist on your hands, in that case brown-nose at your own risk.