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Ryan Paugh graduated from Penn State in 2006 with a Bachelor's Degree in Journalism and a minor in Business. After working in corporate communications, freelance writing and reporting, he co-founded 
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Ryan Healy and I have been friends for years. It all started in 616 Geary Hall at Penn State. We were randomly assigned to be roommates during out first year of college. What a wild time…
During our first year out of college, we bantered back and forth about our future careers. We wanted to start our own business. Create something where we could share our advice and experience with other young people like ourselves. And eventually, we did.
Learning to work together wasn’t easy. Besides Healy tutoring me in Accounting during my senior year, our friendship was merely social. Our new business relationship took some patience to understand.
Every day is different. Some days are just like college. Others, we’re nearly at each other’s throats. Starting a business with one of your friends is an incredible experience, but if you don’t prepare yourself for the unavoidable drama, it’s really going to suck.
Talk about anything and everything
Men don’t complain to other men, especially about things that might seem petty. In a business relationship, you have to let go of this mentality.
Healy and I had poor communication skills during our first month working together. At times we didn’t say a word to each other over the course of an entire day. It was bad. Really bad.
I ended up flipping out. After lots of yelling, senseless pacing and god knows what else, things started to get better. But it didn’t need to come to that.
Avoid an emotional collapse by sharing your frustrations early. We don’t make that mistake anymore, and things have run a lot smoother since.
Give each other space
Living with someone you work with is hard, even when they’re your friend. And it’s not just us. Other young entrepreneurs run into the same problem.
Part of it develops from spending way too much time with one person. The other part occurs when you start scheduling your life around one another.
Sometimes Healy wants to work, but I want to watch T.V. or vice versa. It sucks. When someone else is working, you don’t want to be the guy that’s sitting around doing nothing. Or if someone is watching T.V., how do you concentrate on work?
What ends up happening is that your schedules will merge. You’ll sacrifice spending your time the way you planned on spending it and you’ll hate every minute of it.
This isn’t good for a startup. The time you spend away from the business strongly influences the effectiveness of the time you put in.
The best thing to do is to get office space. Separate your work life from your home life and make few exceptions. But that’s not feasible if your business isn’t fully funded.
What can work for anybody is to create your own schedule, share it with your team and tell them to be respectful of the time you need away from the company.
Be understanding, even if you don’t understand
We all have our quirks and they make for some interesting and/or irritating situations.
You must be willing to deal with the eccentric behaviors of your co-workers if you want your business to survive. People don’t change because you want them to.
I’m a pretty eccentric guy sometimes. And Healy is about as even-keeled as they come. If you look at Healy, then look at me, you’d probably wonder how these two guys even ended up being friends. It happened because despite our differences, we’re pretty understanding, even though we don’t always get each other.
If you’re not understanding with your friends, forget starting a business together. Save the friendship and keep things social. Not only will the company fail, but the friendship may too.
But, as counterintuitive as it may sound, if you’re willing to be considerate in your dealings and communicate when times get rough, it may be one of the most amazing things for a couple of buds to do. It’s an emotionally trying and physically exacerbating road. Sharing that path with a good friend is an immeasurable experience.
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Some good points here. In order to operate as a team you need to learn to work together. To do that you need to discover strengths and weaknesses and figure out where one can provide where the other lacks. You also need to cope with issues such as personality differences, which can be combated if you hang out socially.
I really like this post. Does that mean you guys have an office now? Sounds like a great friendship.
Good stuff. Honestly, when I think about my friends, I can’t see myself really going into business with any of them. Same with my wife. She’s an attorney, and we’ve agreed that if I end up going the law school route, we won’t ever work in the same area of law.
Good luck, I hope everything stays on pace and works out well.
Ryan - good points. My friend and I are planning a children’s book together. The great thing about this co-adventure is she is an English professor and I’m an artist - so we bring the best of both worlds for a great book. I think if you both have something to offer and can settle your differences on a professional basis - like being open and communicating often - then you can build a successful business relationship. On another note, since you are working for yourself how do you avoid the temptation to sleep in on rainy days and get daily motivation? One day I would love to work for myself, but then I fear the “oh I’ll do it later” mentality and being secluded, which I feel would get lonely. I like to bounce ideas off people and continually interact throughout the day, but I also hate the corporate lifestyle. How do you do it?
@Diana
You know there is a space between the corporate lifestyle and working for yourself… Your mindset seems to indicate that you would enjoy working at a small company instead.
This post reminds me when my best friend and I lived together. I hated her hair on the sink, she hated that I didn’t do the dishes right away. We almost hated each other. Ah, but we used our superior communication skills - just like you say - to get through it! Thanks for sharing.
Dan:
The problem with personal differences as they relate to social vs. business relationships is that some behaviors are favorable in one, but completely annoying in another. It’s really about just being completely understanding and knowing when to communicate about something that is ticking you off.
Thanks for sharing.
Monica:
Great friendship. What’s even better is its potential to grow since we’re working on something that’s so trying. It’s cool to share that frustration with one of your friends. Better than doing it alone I guess.
No office yet, but we’re looking into it.
Norcross:
It’s good that you can identify which friends you don’t want to go into business with. Sometimes you can be great friends (even married), but know that the business side of things just wouldn’t work.
A lot of people don’t recognize this at their own demise.
Diana:
It’s not easy. Sometimes I do find myself sleeping a little later than I should, saying “I’ll do it later,” etc. It’s the easiest pitfall to stumble into when you work for yourself. The best way I keep myself going is to recognize that I work with a team. I don’t want to be dead weight, so I push forward.
It does get lonely sometimes. One of the reasons I do miss corporate life. I’m still learning to manage my social life in a new environment (Madison, WI) so it’s even more difficult. But if I were back in Jersey I would probably mitigate the loneliness by going out to lunch with friends, doing a bunch of happy hours, etc. The biggest thing I do in Wisconsin is go to a public place to do work. That way even if I’m lonely, at least I’m not alone.
Best of luck with the book venture.
Brad:
Good point. Diana may just need a new corporate pace. Or maybe she doesn’t hate the corporate life, but the transition into being an adult. Looking back, that’s probably where my frustrations truly lied within Corporate America.
Rebecca:
Good communication is what it’s all about. So how exactly did you approach her hair problem? I would’ve loved to listen in on that one.
…or maybe not.
Brad - Thanks for the input. Now that you mention it - I agree and think a smaller company would work better for me. I want more responsibility and to be recognized for the work I do, which can get overlooked in a large corporate office. I guess my biggest frustrations with corporate life is having to be in a gray cubicle most of my day, even when some days there is nothing to do. Sounds good to get paid for nothing right? But, after awhile you think about all the other things you could be accomplishing outside of the office - making your life and the company better. I believe humans weren’t designed to sit in a cubicle all day, do repetitive tasks, and be denied of the outside world. We were meant to experience life. I shouldn’t complain because it is a good starter job, but in the scheme of life I want more out of my career (working on that now). My company’s mindset is still “be here and get paid” and not necessary about your work output. If you leave a couple minutes early for a doctor’s appointment - everyone seems to notice and gives you a dirty look. Therefore, my experience in corporate life hasn’t been rewarding and I’m surrounded by people I don’t enjoy being around - it all just doesn’t make sense! So, maybe Ryan was right in that I’m still trying to deny my transition into adulthood, but in the meantime it is fun to rant about it - thanks for your advice!
Oh yeah - and Ryan if I’m ever in Madison we will have to do a happy hour - add a little kick to both our social lives! Thanks for the advice and words of encouragement.
To Diana:
That’s why I work at a small pharmaceutical company. Because we’re a small organization (less than 25), there are plenty of opportunities to try new tasks and learn about your strengths and weaknesses. You see the immediate impact of the work you do, good or bad. The experience I have gained in this setting is more valuable to me than the money I bring home.
Aw, you guys. You’re doing great, seriously. Sure there will be ups and downs, but acknowledgement of the issues is half the battle.
I have been working with my friend Andrew for the last three years, and even though we are really close, we will not live together. It’s a love/hate relationship, and there have been many yelling matches. I learned that in the end you have to be up front and honest, or things just wont work. Keep it up guys.
Sounds like you’ve learned a lot about communication and before it killed the business and relationship. I can’t imagine living and working with a partner, I think you need some kind of separation. At the very least I think you need a mutually agreed upon ‘quitting time’, after which there can be no talk of work.
I’m currently developing a business with two of my best friends, it’s still in it’s infancy, but we’ve had a few bumps along the way. The good thing for us is we’ve known eachother for 15+ years, I think that helps.
Continued good luck!
Diana:
Happy hour sounds great! But how often do you come to Madison???
Alexandra:
Thanks for the encouragement. It’s always good to hear from you.
Dan:
Thanks for backing me up. It’s good to hear that you and Andrew realized what it takes for your business relationship to work and still remain friends.
Scott:
‘Quitting time’ would be great. But it’s easier said than done. Especially when you make the decision to have schedules that don’t revolve around one another. That may be a bit of a catch-22 I didn’t think of. Thanks for sharing.
Ryan - I have never been to Madison, but if I am somehow ever in Madison for some reason - I’ll let you know! I currently live in North Carolina (a bit of distance) - but thought I would throw that in there because you never know where the next adventure will take you. Let me know if you ever make it down south - we could have a Millennial Mixer!
Great post, Ryan!! Here are my two cents. What I like is that it is first hand experience. It would make for a great reality show!! In my opinion, there are always various degrees of stress and frustration in all types of relationships whether it is a business relationship, family relationship, or friendship, to mention a few.
A lot of the stress and frustration comes from not understanding one another or misconceptions. For example, a co-worker and I were talking one day and she mentioned to me that Mary Riley is always leaving early and whenever I look for her she is not around. Well, I told her that Mary gets into the office and starts work at 7:30 AM while you start work at 9. So why would you expect Mary to be here at 5:30? So, Ryan, as you alluded to in your post, communication is the key!!!
Having an open and honest relationship with each other will only enhance the success of the business and friendship. In addition, building upon, not only one another’s strengths, but also build and develop your weaknesses. Often times I hear people say concentrate on your strengths. That’s all well and good, but I find it more challenging and interesting to develop my weaknesses into strengths.
Being respectful of ones team members time is a really great point!! I also believe that knowing when to draw the line between Work / Life balance is definitely a plus. So here is some advice:
•Work as a team and communicate frequently so you stay on the same page and not lose sight of your goal.
•Give yourself a break and let your brain switch gears and spend some time on doing something that you really like besides work.
•Bring out the best in each other!
By doing this, I believe that you will be well on the road to having a successful business and long lasting friendship.
Ever the practical I am…
My father was an attorney in the largest law firm in a medium sized town in Wisconsin. He was a fabulous lawyer back when the law was a respectable profession. He was terrible at running the business. Yet, he was smart enough to bring in a partner who was good at running the business while he brought in business.
Sure, communication is important in the relationship, and I don’t disagree with the points here. But the key thing for you guys (and Penelope) to figure out is who is strong at doing what functions for the business. Then each concentrate on those strengths. This approach does several things: it gets people into the right areas, it’s easier to work with each other because others recognize your strength, and it keeps you out of each others area. If you are the expert in a particular area, you should have the others listen to understand your expertise — just like you need to listen to their areas of expertise.
The other critical thing in these partnerships is that you typically will spend more time with each other — usually in something more critical in your life right now — then the rest of your relationships. It’s not a marriage — but it’s a ton of time. So working through the communication is vitally important.
This will all evolve for you guys. It’s hard — but it’s worth it, so keep talking and discovering each other’s strengths and work those.
Hi guys, this is a great discussion, thanks for the prompt Ryan!
I’m especially interested in the discussion around Diana’s post about motivating herself, and whether she should work for a smaller company, is struggling with the transition from student to the world of work (very perceptive - I wouldn’t have thought of this!) etc. I hope I’m not going off-topic too much if I pick up on this thread…
@Diana: remember that there are lots of small companies who are equally “corporate” in their mindset - e.g. don’t offer flexible working hours as there are fewer people to pick up the slack, the politics can be worse as there are fewer people to dilute the strong personalities, etc. etc! There are always exceptions to the rule, and sometimes you can find the perfect job for yourself by looking for these exceptions.
But most importantly, it’s good that you’re working on creating a list of what you’d like from your working life: flexible working hours, recognition from peers, opportunities to develop a range of skills, etc. Once you know what you want (the “pros”), you can weigh up which set of “cons” you are prepared to live with as a trade-off. You can then use this as a basis for considering which specific form of employment is most likely to (but not exclusively!) offer you this balance: big companies, small companies, freelancing, portfolio working, setting up your own business partnership, etc. There are always downsides but equally, there are always work-arounds (e.g. the things Ryan has suggested to combat loneliness, etc). The trick is not to focus on the downsides, but ask yourself which work-arounds you can live with!
It might sound complicated, but the great thing about the world of work today is that there are no hard and fast rules when it comes to building a career as individual as you are
Sarah D - Thanks for the advice and insight. You are right in that I should not focus on the downsides (annoying habit I have!), and look for ways to either avoid those downsides or work around them to fit into my life. I’m still new to the professional work force, so I know it will take work and time to find what I am looking for - or to even define what I am looking for. Thanks again - good to know we can all break some rules sometimes to find a great career.
For all of you who have already taken the initiative and started a partner business with a friend - what kind of things did you look for in that person that led you to lead a business with them??
Gustavo:
I talk about this a little bit in my post, but I think the most important characteristic to have in a friend you’re working with is understanding. This will not always go as planned, and it’s likely that at one point or another you’re going to be angry with each other. You need understanding if you’re going to make it through. You also need a lot of patience.
Other than that, look to do business with a friend who doesn’t exactly share your strengths. For instance, if you have someone who is extremely good at examining the big picture of things, you may want to have another person who is much more apt to examine things in pieces. That way you’re covering all areas of the business while not stepping on each other’s toes.
I’m sure other commenters have some advice too. Thanks for the question.