A Millennial's Muse – Part 14: One More Thing Before I Go

Here read the true tales of a young twenty-something cubicle dweller by day – dreamer of "there's got to be more than this" by night – trying to find the moral of her everyday story. Walk with Jackie down cubicle lane every Wednesday as she humorously shares the pitfalls and high points of moving to a new city for her first job, building a life post 5 o'clock, and searching for meaning in every crevice of her stu-stu studio.

Dear Fellow Millennials,

I would have liked to close this series with a neatly-woven message about what I learned during the bumpy course of my first job and all the questions I found answers to. I would if I could, but I can't. To be honest, I still live in the gray and wear a layer of confusion no matter the season.

I began my (beloved) relationship with Employee Evolution with a post paralleling dating and job interviewing. Dating can lead to a relationship, interviewing can lead to a job and the finality of both are things I (and I'm sure you) have dealt with. This whole series is going to come full circle. Can you stand the suspense? Get your beverage of choice, kids, because this is a long one.

Puppy Love Sans Heavy Petting

I met Danny in 7th grade, and he was the first guy I was really friends with. It started with a crush (mine on him). I initially wanted us to be a modern rendition of Romeo and Juliet, but it became clear (quickly) that we could only ever be Will and Grace (Will was gay if you didn't watch the show). Always the late bloomer, my friendship with Danny allowed me to experience the emotional connection of a boyfriend without having to actually – you know – do stuff.

People said that we bickered like an old married couple, which I loved hearing, because it spoke to a closeness beyond its years in real time. I can remember coming home, storming up the stairs to my bedroom and my mom asking what was wrong.

"We had a fight." It was the most serious relationship I never had.

Six years later, we were about to graduate from high school and were barely speaking. We grew apart (a general description for my first heartbreak), and the only thing left to do was say good-bye before heading off to different colleges.

As Danny walked me home on one of my last nights before morphing into a Gator, I felt him reach for my hand. I tried to hold back the tears, but when I saw that he was already crying, I made us a weepy duet. He said that ours was the good-bye he didn't want to have. When we reached my house, we coupled crying with hugging. He silently told me everything I had wanted to hear.

My pseudo-romantic relationship with Danny prepared me for future adventures in dating and also primed me for the yet-to-occur love whammy – when I find someone I adore who doesn't say (like Danny did), "Jack, get real. I'm physically repulsed by you."

Two and ½ Weeks Nonsense

I spent the first week making procedural documents to ease the transition of my workload to the poor kids left behind. I felt a cold reception from many people after news of my resignation spread like wildfire (no joke). Maybe it was resentment, but nonetheless it hurt my feelings, which surprised me because I thought I had emotionally checked out long before.

Magnum couldn't have been nicer to me, though. She cried a few more times, and I'd receive Instant Messages from her that read: (Fast forward to today when Magnum and I are both at new jobs and share a healthy friendship that includes occasional socializing – who would have thought?).

During my final week, I sat in a cubicle that became more barren by the day. I relished the feeling of throwing things away – training manuals, meeting minutes and the staff phone directory (reprinted monthly due to the high turnover – still gives me the giggles). My sentiment turned nostalgic when I removed thumbtacks from photos that reminded me of the fun I did have, like when I was part of a trio that won the company's Halloween costume contest for dressing up as the cast of Three's Company. I make one hell of a Chrissy Snow.

As I trained co-workers to do aspects of my job, I realized the magnitude of responsibilities I had juggled and how many skills I was leaving with. And while it wasn't a job I enjoyed, I'm proud of myself for mastering something I cared nothing about. It gives me hope that when I do find my magnum opus, Latin for "great work," I'll have what it takes to hit a professional high-note.

I gave cards to managers I respected (and who could one day serve as references) and, in the rawest form of selflessness, offered all of my remaining office supplies to neighboring cubicle dwellers (sometimes you find strength you never knew existed). That reminds me; I'd be terribly remiss if I didn't mention Neighbor, wouldn't I?

In the time left, I tried to visit Neighbor in her cubicle as often as possible. She had work to do, so I was happy to just gaze at her while she responded to emails (fast forward to today when I delight in the too few times we see each other and remain forever grateful for the laughs and support of my corporate angel).

Hit the Road, Jack

On my last day, people warmed up a bit (maybe the office supplies mitigated their bitterness) to wish me good luck and offer the corporate yearbook version of "Have a good summer! Don't ever change! K.I.T." I did my exit interview and left through the revolving front door one final time. From there I went to a coffee shop for a frozen mocha likely as caloric as a milkshake. I sat there, sipped my tasty beverage and started to cry.

I had just gotten out of a situation I despised and instead of being overjoyed, I was overwhelmed by the thought of how drastically my life would soon change. I called my Dad, who has a magical way of appeasing me with, "Jackie, trust Daddy (why must the man always speak in third person?), everything will be okay."

And it is.

Still Amused

I've been at my new job for almost five months, and it's the complete opposite of my former position. Opposite doesn't translate to perfect, though. Like my girl Emily D. also said, each day I "dwell in possibility." I continue to have a wandering eye for graduate programs, alternative Peace Corps-esque experiences, and my career whammy. It's got to be out there. Maybe it's hiding with my love whammy?

Whether a relationship or a job (or a writing column) is ending, know that it's not the actual goodbye that matters – it's everything that happened beforehand which makes you think a goodbye should do justice to the story built over time. So, in this spirit, love someone the best way you know how to (even if it's an unconventional relationship) and work well at whatever you do (no matter how much you dislike it), because both will teach you how to recognize who and what you want in this crazy life we try to navigate.

Thank you, [your first name], for joining me these past [any number up to 14] weeks and paying me the highest compliment by allowing me to become a part of the story of your life.

I leave you with one of my favorite quotes, ending this series in the way each muse has begun. When I read this quote, I feel less of the self-imposed weight I carry on my shoulders, knowing that when I'm ready my whammies will come. I hope yours do, too.

Until we muse again,
Jackie

Leave your thoughts here. (16 responses)

This article´s comments All Employee Evolution comments

Lauren

Jan 16th, 2008 at 7:44 am

Thanks Jackie. Your column was an enjoyable Wednesday morning distraction from work! Looking forward to reading more of your writing in the future.

Angela

Jan 16th, 2008 at 9:15 am

I am sad it is over!

Erin

Jan 16th, 2008 at 9:30 am

"I'm proud of myself for mastering something I cared nothing about."

I'm pretty sure with that sentence right there you may have single handedly changed the way I look at my job. Awesome.

Scott

Jan 16th, 2008 at 9:33 am

Thank you Jackie for brightening our Wed these last 14 weeks. I wish you much success in all 'whammys' and please keep writing, you have the gift.

I look forward to reading more from you in the future.

Allison

Jan 16th, 2008 at 9:50 am

Thanks for your posts Jackie. It's really nice to read articles with a different human spin. I felt the same way when I left my last job and went on to the next one (the new jobs never are as perfect as you wanted, are they?) I have really enjoyed reading and relating to your columns!

Chris Clarke

Jan 16th, 2008 at 10:05 am

Thanks for sharing so much of yourself with us these past 14 weeks, Jackie. I'll miss it! Good luck!

Gina

Jan 16th, 2008 at 10:08 am

Way to go out with a bang Jackie! Definitely one of your top posts, you will be truly missed!! It's been a great 14 weeks…

Monica

Jan 16th, 2008 at 10:28 am

That's so funny. I cried when I left my first job too. You aren't alone.

Jacqui

Jan 16th, 2008 at 11:27 am

Bravo, Jackie. A great end to a true tour de force.

I, too, cried when I left my last job. Even though I couldn't wait to leave, the morning of the day I quit I had so much fun with my team and kept thinking about the good times we'd had. It almost had me second-guessing my decision.

Then I came to my senses.

Andy

Jan 16th, 2008 at 1:17 pm

Jackie – I hope you continue to enjoy and prosper in your new job. Keep on looking for those home-run opportunities, I'm sure they're out there.

Erica

Jan 16th, 2008 at 1:44 pm

I've had such a great time reading your weekly post. It's a comfort to know that there are other 20-somethings going through the same thing that I am! I hope that your new job goes well. I look forward to buying your fist novel!

Ryan Paugh

Jan 16th, 2008 at 1:55 pm

Jackie,

Thanks for bringing so much fun and laughter to our community. I think it goes without saying that you will surely be missed.

Keep in touch.

-RP

Ryan Healy

Jan 16th, 2008 at 7:56 pm

Hi Jackie,

Thank you so much for the past 14 weeks, you brought a whole new element to Employee Evolution. Your posts were witty, thoughtful and just plain funny! We're sad to see you go.

And thanks for the cookies!

-Ryan

Big K

Jan 17th, 2008 at 10:36 am

I had the honor of living across the hallway (about 2.5 feet) from Jackie as we both "morphed into Gators". Its funny how I can actually hear her voice through her writing. Here's to many more musings in the future!

Kev

Melissa Chang

Jan 17th, 2008 at 12:45 pm

Jackie,
Just wanted to say thanks for the great series. I really enjoyed it. Best of luck!
Melissa

Bronwyn

Jan 18th, 2008 at 7:56 pm

Thanks, Jackie. Your column was actually one of the things that first got me hooked on Employee Evolution. =)

Take care, and hope to see you writing again soon.

-Bron

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