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Monica O'Brien is a a software engineer and part-time student from Guam who now lives, works and plays in Chicago. In her spare time she enjoys running, photography and teen shows on the CW (her guilty pleasure). She also writes for 
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It’s no secret that personal branding is becoming essential to succeed in the corporate world, and one of the best ways to create a positive personal brand is to practice great professional etiquette.
I recently attended a talk given by one of the etiquette coaches for JP Morgan Chase and was inspired by some of the counter-intuitive social rules he shared, so I embarked on a search for other possible faux pas most people commit every day without realizing it.
Here are some of the most obscure American professional etiquette tips I could find that Millennials can use to impress their co-workers, or maybe even their bosses.
After You?
Men are accustomed to opening doors for women, so it’s no wonder the most confusing etiquette rule has to do with revolving doors.
Rule #1 - If you can’t open it, she doesn’t go first. In a formal business setting, women are wearing heels and will have more difficulty pushing a heavy revolving door. With revolving doors, it’s polite for the men to go first and allow the women to “glide” through the door behind them. Chivalrous too.
Drink Classy, Drive Classy
When it comes to client dinners, it’s always best to identify all your dishes and utensils lest you drink out of someone else’s glass. An easy way to remember how to dine with class is keeping BMW in mind.
Rule #2 - Not just a luxury car brand, BMW also stands for “Bread, Meal, Water/Wine.” Looking down, Bread is on your left, Meal plate in the middle, and Water and Wine glasses on your right.
No Wining
Rule #3 - The wine ritual is silly at best, but still must be exercised when entertaining clients. In case you need a refresher…
The client always chooses the wine and you order it no matter what. The wine guy brings you a glass and pours you a few sips, which you happily drink. No matter how it tastes, you never send the wine back. You then drink one and only one glass over dinner, no matter how thirsty that plant next to your seat looks.
Business Cards Are Meant To Be Admired
When you want someone’s business card, it is best to offer yours first, rather than ask them for theirs.
Rule #4 -Business cards are exchanged, not given. Upon receiving a business card, you should take a second to admire it and compliment the design. If that person has one of those dull corporate cards with no pictures on it, pick one thing to make a comment on instead. Example: “Oh, you work on Upper Wacker… I recently had dinner at a great restaurant in that area.” But only say that if you actually did, or you’ll be embarrassed when they ask a follow-up question.
Where’s the Keg?
Ladies - though we are in the 21st century, it is still unfeminine to carry a beer around at a professional event with food and drinks.
Rule #5 - Just like accessorizing, a woman must drink appropriately for her age. If you insist on that cool, refreshing taste you learned to love in college, order a Light and ask the bartender to pour it in a wine glass for you. No one will be the wiser, as long as that once-charming belching habit you perfected at frat parties doesn’t showcase during the event.
Last In, First Out
Rule #6 - When traveling with executives from your department, always let the person with the most seniority get in the taxi last. Because he or she is the busiest and most important, he should get out first when arriving at the destination.
The Elevator Shuffle
If you live or work in a building with a busy elevator, you have certainly taken part in the elevator shuffle, that awkward dance everyone performs at each level to let people on and off.
Rule #7 - The elevator shuffle has steps just like any other dance. Follow them or be accused of having two left feet:
- Always let other passengers off before boarding. This requires you to stand about 3 feet away from the door as it opens, and preferably not directly in front of it.
- The person closest to the door enters first. “Ladies first” does not apply and tends to delay the process. Men, if this makes you uncomfortable, stand further back than the ladies while waiting.
- If you are one of the first in the elevator, choose your floor quickly and move to the back of the elevator to let more people board. Don’t be a button hog. If you board and can’t reach the buttons, politely ask the person closest to choose your floor for you.
- Don’t worry about order. Within three floor stops everyone will be where they need to be. If you are getting off at one of the lower floors and there are people in front of you, politely say “excuse me.” It is always appropriate to get off the elevator to let someone out, then re-board.
- No talking in the elevator. I guarantee your elevator partners would agree your conversation can wait until you reach your floor. Besides, the elevator music is meant to be enjoyed, not talked over.
- A full elevator is a full elevator. Know when to wait for the next one to come around.
What do you think of these professional etiquette tips? Are there any other tips you have come across that are not as well-known? Please share in the comments section!
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“… though we are in the 21st century, it is still unfeminine to carry a beer around at a professional event with food and drinks.”
You have got to be kidding me. Please provide me with a concrete reason as to why this is true. I know plenty of “feminine” woman who still drink beer from the bottle or from a glass.
And no one should be forced to order Light beer, considering how bad most mass-produced light beers are.
I’m gonna go with Andy on this one, I’ve been to several professional networking events where women drank beer…and in a bottle! It was at a nice wine bar too. If I want to order a beer, I’m gonna get a beer.
Anything you say and do can impact your brand so choose wisely. These are great points Monica. I don’t think women drinking beer is a big deal in the scheme of things though. Some men might appreciate it.
Monica - I always enjoy your advice and viewpoint! Since beer is the topic of the moment, I wanted to weigh in. In Wisconsin, hanging with the old boys club, I think ordering a beer would get you a pat on the back and be a topic of discussion!
That said, I think it’s more how you handle your alcohol than what you’re drinking. I personally think it’s best not to drink at networking events. Having observed hundreds of young professionals, I’ll say most don’t realize how drinking affects them… even just one. If it’s important, don’t drink. I wait to have my drink until afterwards with a close friend and at a different bar.
I don’t know if it’s a big deal or not, but I very rarely order beer at networking events. I personally don’t think it looks all that feminine. I’ve just never thought drinking from a bottle looks all that classy for men or women.
Of course it all depends on what type of event it is, but yes, sometimes looking femanine can be important. It’s a delicate balance most women have to find, especially in my chosen field of politics. Sometimes it’s important to seem like one of the boys to get in on the conversation. But, and yes, I know it sounds stupid, sometimes you have play the girly girl, too.
I’m hoping at least one fellow working girl will know what I’m talking about and back me up.
And while you are gulping your beer from the bottle ladies, please wear ballet slippers. Beer from the bottle is NOT appropriate for any business situation male or female. It shows your lack of attention to the details. It does nothing but undermine your brand. These situations call for grown up drinks and grown up manners. Carry yourselves with some class.
A lady always wears heels!
It is appropriate to send wine back if it has turned to vinegar in the bottle, or has otherwise spoiled. Granted, this rarely happens, but it is the reason you are offered a taste before full glass is poured.
What Scott said. If the wine is corked, send it back or you will look like an idiot.
Ick GwhizHR. A lady always wears heels? I hope these ideas about being a lady get flushed during my lifetime. Manners, courteousness, being able to gracefully engage in an interesting conversation — I would hope these traits would far outshine whether or not I’m wearing flat dress shoes. How petty.
To everyone who has left comments so far, thank you so much!
I didn’t realize the beer thing would be such an issue. To clarify, I’m a huge advocate of women drinking beer. When I go out to events where it’s just people in their 20’s, I definitely order a beer, in a mug, glass, bottle, or whatever.
The key is that people outside of our generation don’t think it’s cool for women to order beer, so it’s something for women (and men apparently) to be sensitive of depending on the event. It’s not worth tarnishing your reputation to make a point.
@ Andy ~ I don’t have a concrete reason aside from a professional etiquette coach who makes his living off knowing these things agrees. The whole point of learning etiquette is to do the most socially acceptable things in given situations - I think it’s better to be safe than sorry. And I understand your distaste for light beer, but I don’t think a Guiness would make a very convincing white wine :).
@ Rosie ~ That’s great! I’m sure as some of the older generations retire, these etiquette rules will get more lax. It looks like you are already seeing this.
@ Dan ~ Thanks for the comment. Maybe the beer issue isn’t as big as I originally thought. Perhaps some people outside of Gen Y could weigh in?
@ Rebecca ~ I love reading your views too! And the old boys club is fun to be a part of :), even for just a little while.
@ Jacqui ~ I think you bring up a great point - it depends on your industry. Some industries are more conservative than others, namely politics, law, and finance (the one I’m a part of). If you work in these industries err on the conservative side.
@GwhizHR ~ What industry do you work in? I agree, heels are always the classier choice
@ Scott ~ Right, right. I meant to write “Unless you’re a wine connoisseur, you don’t send the wine back.” Otherwise you might be sending back a perfectly good bottle of wine, which would be incredibly embarassing. Thanks for the comment!
Great article!
What about talking in the restroom? Would the same apply?
# No talking in the restroom. I guarantee your urinal partners would agree your conversation can wait until you’ve washed your hands. Besides, the restroom music is meant to be enjoyed, not talked over.
Jacqui, I support your point that beer is not all that classy, and that it depends on the function. Some women can pull it off carrying around a beer, but generally it’s best for women to stick with the lighter stuff.
Monica, when you say drink appropriately for your age, I think that also means don’t order a Long Island Iced Tea or other drinks that have multiple types of liquor in them. Not only do they show how young you are, but could get you drunk faster, which is even more immature at a networking event.
Don’t feel pressured to drink either - it’s perfectly acceptable to get a diet coke or virgin drink if you’d rather not drink. That said, if you are planning an event or going out with colleagues or clients, don’t always assume that they drink alcohol, and make sure there are at least a few nonalcoholic offerings.
@ Song ~ Sure, that could be applied to restroom etiquette. I’m assuming you are talking about the women’s restroom, because just about every guy I know agrees not talking in the men’s restroom is already an unspoken rule (no pun intended).
I had two friends in high school who got suspended when they were talking about sex in the restroom at a dance camp for 10 year olds. (One of the parents was in a stall and complained.) There are definitely conversations that can wait until after the restroom break, particularly in professional settings. But it’s hard not to say “Hi” when you see a friend in the women’s restroom, at least for me.
@ Melanie ~ Naturally, drinking too much at a professional event is a no-no for anybody, not just women. I’ve never been to an event where people pressured others to drink, so I assumed that didn’t happen.
Thanks for the comments!
Honestly, I have trouble accepting the judgement of someone who chose “professional etiquette coach” as a profession. Let’s hope your wishes come true and we can abolish some of these archaic rules while still managing to be courteous and professional. Gee, I hope I’m not “undermining my brand” by thinking that.
Oh, and lest you think I’m all sarcasm and bile, I do want to thank you for the BMW tip. I’m always drinking from someone else’s water at dinner. I’m guessing it’s considered poor etiquette to share one’s infectious diseases with the entire table.
@ GwhizHR - Perhaps a better suggestion: A lady may wear heels but never stilettos or open toe (chances are, your feet are not as attractive as you hope they are). I’d rather see a woman wear flats than see a pair of shoes that belong at strip club.
@ Dana ~ Do you have an example of a women’s dress shoe that doesn’t have a heel on it? I’m having a hard time thinking of one. I understand not liking high heels, but no heel at all?
@ Andy ~ I’m sarcastic myself, so I didn’t mind it. Though I do think “professional etiquette coach” is just fine as a profession. The guy I met worked with all the executives at the company and got to travel a bunch of interesting places, plus he got paid to research other cultures. Sounds like a great opportunity to me. Your welcome for the BMW tip.
I’m an old chick (36). I’ve been to a lot of business functions. Drinking beer is fine, if you plan to imbibe, but I wouldn’t have it put in a wine class - you should drink it from a beer glass. A lot of beers have specific types of glasses you are supposed use.
Etiquette is important, but being yourself is more important. Drinking a Miller lite from the bottle won’t make you look nearly as bad as pretending to have tastes you think people at business functions would have.
@ GWhiz - I’m 5′10″. In heels, I tower over nearly everyone in the room. I’ve seen it make many men uncomfortable, which consequently makes me uncomfortable.
Choosing whether or not to wear heels to any business event is strategic for me. (Yes, I’ve worn flats to an interview before, because I knew the man interviewing me was much shorter than I.)
Ack! You wrote: “The key is that people outside of our generation don’t think it’s cool for women to order beer, so it’s something for women (and men apparently) to be sensitive of depending on the event.” This just isn’t true. I’m outside your generation, and I can assure you I know of no double standards for women and men when it comes to beer. If it’s a function where drinking is appropriate, there aren’t different rules for women than for men.
At 36, I’m certainly not claiming to have it all figured out, but I have to smile at all the cocktail discussion. My bottom line–and the point I think Monica was making–is to be aware of my personal brand and of the things that can affect it, positively or negatively. I’ve enjoyed bottled beer at certain professional events, but always deliberately: I have one eye on my department head if he’s in attendance and follow his lead. For certain events it’s appropriate; for others it isn’t. The trick is to know which is which, and to make your choice. Usually I go for something more “classy” (Monica’s word) because that’s how I want to come across when meeting new people. Don’t be fooled into thinking that the drinking is the point of a professional event where drinks are served. It may have been the point of most everything in college, but in the professional arena, drinking is rarely the point of anything, although the drink you’re holding is certainly going to say something about you.
@ GenerationXpert ~ We do socially acceptable things every day to make good impressions on people that matter to us and our careers. It’s important to be yourself, but not to the extent you are making a bad impression over something silly like a beverage.
@ AskAManager ~ Point taken. It’s difficult to talk about generational workplace issues without making sweeping generalizations. I’m happy to hear you don’t see double standards concerning this issue where you work. I still see double standards all the time, but perhaps I’m more sensitive to them.
@ Sean ~ Thanks for the comment - it does summarize the point I was making nicely
I think it’s important to take cues from your surroundings and from your colleagues. I also think its important to be aware of your drinking style. If you typically drink beer, then don’t order a martini to appear cosmopolitan or chic. You’ll regret it. If you enjoy beer, try to order something like a Stella. It usually comes in it’s designated glass, which is a ‘fancy’ beer glass. Most of my girlfriends who like to drink Miller Lite or Bud Light like Stella. If you do like beer, learn something about it and experiment. Being knowledgeable about beer is an asset(in some instances), just like wine. In any case, take care when the topic of alcohol or beer comes up.
I think if you’re observant and have a sense for your place of employment and your colleagues, you should be able to determine what would or wouldn’t fly in any setting. If you have to attend different types of events, and you’re not naturally observant, I’d probably start observing and learn how to adapt to different styles of networking and how to assess right away what type of situation you are in. Take a step back, don’t be the first (or second at the bar), and take a look around. Is the crowd uptight? Are they casual, bordering on frat party (yes, I’ve been there). Learn to adapt. It will become an important skill.
Being professional and/or classy does not mean that you’re selling out or not being true to yourself. Adapting to your surroundings is a skill, and does not make you a follower if done correctly.
Kitten heels are nice if you aren’t comfortable wearing high heels.
Great tips, love this website.