A Millennial's Muse — Part 13: Cubicle Dweller Overboard
Published by jackiedc on January 9th, 2008 in Humor, Work | 19 CommentsHere read the true tales of a young twenty-something cubicle dweller by day – dreamer of "there's got to be more than this" by night – trying to find the moral of her everyday story. Walk with Jackie down cubicle lane every Wednesday as she humorously shares the pitfalls and high points of moving to a new city for her first job, building a life post 5 o'clock, and searching for meaning in every crevice of her stu-stu studio.
Dear Fellow Millennials,
The final eight months (out of 20) spent at my first job out of college were acutely miserable. Just ask my mom, the bearer of lunchtime rants from her (formerly) favorite daughter. Sometimes I cried on my lunch hour. People shutter when I tell them this and look at me like I'm fragile (I'm anything but). For me, it was an intuitive release (not a weakness) – a frustration purge – that allowed me to go back and finish the day. To each yuppie her (or his) own.
What follows are highlights of the final stretch before I found reason to cry tears of joy.
Magnum a la Medication
Is a line of respectability crossed when your boss ingests Xanax in front of you before a big presentation to the Board of Directors? There I was in Magnum's office – she the seasoned professional, me the novice yuppie – reviewing our strategy when she reached into her desk drawer for drugs.
"Ho hum, ho hum, this is awkward," I thought to myself.
Hair Me Out
The lunch hour can be a time for eating, running errands, perusing the shelves at a local bookstore or getting an impromptu bikini wax. Yeah, you read me correctly.
Getting waxed after work or on the weekends isn't worth mentioning, but in between conference calls and mail merges – there had to be more to it. Maybe I wanted to see which felt worse – having hot wax ripped off my sensitive skin or dealing with Magnum's tirades.
When I returned to the office after getting waxed, a "you don't know what I just did…" feeling of empowerment fueled me for the remainder of that day. It felt good to be a badass.
Barefoot and Cubified
I wore an ultra-comfortable, supportive sandal on the way to and from work and brought a pair of work-appropriate shoes to change into after arriving and checking my personal e-mail account. Those first 20 minutes were my way of sticking it to the company. Don't overwork me or I will retaliate. I also did a wee bit of international calling, keeping in touch with a close friend from a post-college internship abroad. "Pierre, don't ever feel bad about putting me on hold for an extended period of time."
As the distaste for my job grew, I stopped changing into the work-appropriate shoes (unless I had a meeting) and eventually relinquished all foot enclosures, preferring to be barefoot and seated in half lotus.
Hey Magnum, Pass the Coleslaw
I attended the company picnic (anything for barbecue). Again, they couldn't pay fair wages, but they did splurge for a bounce house. I gave it a go for a while to jump off some of the potato salad. When I returned to my department's table, I looked Magnum straight in the eye and said, "I bounced."
Magnum: "You what?"?
Slightly dizzy Jackie: I bounced.
Magnum: "What the hell does that mean?"
Verbally abused Jackie: I jumped around in the bounce house.
Magnum: "Why would you ever do that?"
Somber Jackie: Because for a brief moment in time I wanted to pretend that my life still had a trace of levity to it.
The Last Leg
Since deciding against a lateral move months before, I continued to send out resumes off and on, finding that a constant search was too emotionally draining for me. I felt like it was similar to looking for love. I've come to believe that sometimes the right job/love eludes you no matter how badly you want it, and it only surfaces at the time you desperately need it most and are ready for it.
The weighty frustration with my job overshadowed everything I loved about my life after 5:00 p.m., so much so that I was willing to give it all up for a (temporary) alternative lifestyle. I took a solo vacation to a yoga retreat center for two reasons: 1) To get some R&R; 2) To check out the option of working there in exchange for room and board.
I loved my visit and asked thorough questions of current volunteers, even getting a behind-the-scenes tour of their (and my potential) living quarters. I left the Berkshires feeling like I could do it, but didn't feel compelled to pursue that option.
Not long after the yoga vacation, I got a phone call that, in less than a week, morphed into a new job. My sister's former boss recommended me to her friend, who was the new director of a non-profit organization and was looking for more staff.
For a slew of good reasons, I accepted the position.
My Turn to Shoot
I entered Magnum's office with an envelope containing my resignation letter. She saw the weapon in hand and said something like, "Ohhhhh, you are not going to tell me…"
You bet I did. "I don't know an easy way to tell you this, but I accepted another position."
She put her hands over her mouth and then (shockingly) offered encouraging and congratulatory words, promising to help in any way she could in the future. Was she kidding?? I basically told my parents that I loved them the night before because I really feared a violent reaction.
Magnum started to cry and retrieved tissues from her baby blue purse. She asked if I'd be interested in staying if she countered the offer.
"No."
On my way out,
Jackie
P.S. – Next week is my final muse. Sniff.
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Leave your thoughts here. (19 responses)
This article´s comments All Employee Evolution commentsBrice
Jan 9th, 2008 at 8:45 amJust imagine how bad ass you would feel if you got a tattoo on your lunch break…
Jacqui
Jan 9th, 2008 at 9:18 amThe more you talk about Magnum, the more I'm convinced I've worked for her, too.
Not only worked for her, but lived through two of these scenarios with her. I'm glad we both made it out alive.
And, btw, I never wore shoes at my desk either.
Allison
Jan 9th, 2008 at 9:23 amOver so quick? How can it be?
I love that you got a bikini wax on your lunch break. I feel rebellious when I leave the office at all on my lunch break.. even MORE so if I happen to (rarely) take the metro somewhere during that brief hour. I am such a non-rebel, it's disgusting.
Chris Clarke
Jan 9th, 2008 at 9:31 amIt's ending? No! It's been so much fun, Jackie!
Elizabeth
Jan 9th, 2008 at 10:08 amBut wait, don't leave! Your musings(of what all of us are thinking…) brightens my Wednesday mornings!
Diana
Jan 9th, 2008 at 10:09 amJackie – congrats on the new job offer! I have looked forward to reading your blog every Wednesday. I relate well with your office stories and being a Millennial in a corporate world. I will miss your musings and hope your new job goes well. Gives me more motivation to move on too!
Brad H.
Jan 9th, 2008 at 10:18 amSo now what happens since you're going to a job filled with love and happiness rather than one of hatred and loathing? Sigh, now I feel so alone.
Someone else must take up your mantle! Should you start auditioning new "musers" by asking people to send in their most depressingly hilarious office stories to see who has just the right amount of anguish to take over? While I'm happy for you getting out and finding something better, I'm going to miss comisserating.
Ryan Healy
Jan 9th, 2008 at 12:12 pmI've got to agree with Brad H, who is going to give everyone a good laugh on Wednesday's?!
Any potential "musers" out there?
Congrats on the new job Jackie, and thanks for all of the entertainment these past 13 weeks.
-Ryan
Jackie
Jan 9th, 2008 at 12:40 pmBrice – I'm aching for little nose piercing. No joke.
Jacqui – Any variation of the name Jackie must be a steadfast survivor and live up to her name. Stay strong and barefoot.
Allison, Chris, Elizabeth, and Diana – Thank you so (so) much for letting me know how I fit into your life as a reader. For me, one of the most intriguing things about writing is wondering who is reading your work, what the circumstances of their life are at the time, and how your writing might influence how they feel. Thank you (again and again) for satisfying my wonder. You can read my blog (link in bio) for random musings about my random existence.
Brad and Ryan – At least let me have a grand exit before you find a rebound muser!
Angela
Jan 9th, 2008 at 1:01 pmI am going to miss these Jackie!
Brad H.
Jan 9th, 2008 at 1:07 pmJackie- We're not (at least I'm not) going on the rebound, just trying to figure out how to fill that "musing" hole in my heart every Wed. Actually, I'm going to submit a column to Ryan P. and see what he thinks.
We'll never replace you dear Jackie, but the show must go on, and someone must muse, now and forevermore!
In the meantime, I hope you give us a mountain shaking, heavens splitting, socks knocking-off grand exit never to be forgotten. One which will be immortalized in poetry and song, so that in 10,000 years when our civilization is gone, the scientists and historians will wonder, "Just who was this Jackie? Some sort of deity?"
Tina
Jan 9th, 2008 at 2:27 pmNo no no don't go! At least send us postcards from your new job… your writing has been my favourite part of the site.
"The weighty frustration with my job overshadowed everything I loved about my life after 5:00 p.m."
Yep, pretty much described my life for the last few months as well in a new job – I'm starting to get out of it somewhat now, which is a relief.
Thanks for your hilarious insights into the working world – I've really enjoyed them.
Jackie
Jan 9th, 2008 at 2:33 pmBrad – I made it into your ticker, aye?
A sock-removing post? That is an OBSCENE amount of pressure. I now have to go get an iced coffee to cope.
Rob
Jan 9th, 2008 at 11:03 pmJackie,
I'm glad to hear you got a new job, but like the rest I am sad to see you go. My only hope, although it may be twisted, is that just because you work for a non-profit doesn't mean you will hate your job any less…trust me. While you might take satisfaction in knowing your company is doing good overall it doesn't make the day-to-day routine any easier. Which suggests more musings! While I do sincerly hope that your new job doesnt turn out to be like this (well I mostly hope) just know that if you get the urge to start musing again we will be here to cheer you on. Well cheer and be entertained by your pain, but you get the point.
Looking forward to next week,
Rob
Kate
Jan 10th, 2008 at 1:06 amlol, literally. I had such a similar experience a couple years back – totally did the thing with the shoes + my nickname for the boss was Turbo (Turbo and Magnum should totally hook up. They'd hit it off, I can tell.)
Best of luck with the new job! On to bigger and better things…
Scott
Jan 10th, 2008 at 9:43 amPlease say it isn't so. I'm sure you could continue to make our Wed brighter, but I wish you much success in Yuppiehood Pt 2.
Never forget to continually search for moments of levity, they are out there. Btw -nose piercings are HOT, I've been trying to get my wife to get one for some time now.
Best you Jackie, I hope we see in the blogoshere in the future!
Danielle
Jan 11th, 2008 at 9:45 amMy usual goal (weather permitting in the bitter middle of New England winter) is to see the actual sun at some point during my lunch hour and perhaps even experience a bit of frostbite to counter the constantly recycled air in cube-land.
Also – I hate wearing shoes at my desk. I actually don't like wearing shoes all that much either… I would be barefoot or wear Haviannas every day of my life. But for some reason I have an unhealthy desire to purchase the cutest, most impractical shoes.
Anyways, congrats on moving on.
Jennifer S
Jan 13th, 2008 at 8:32 pmCongrats on the new job! I will miss your Wednesday column.
Dan Schawbel
Jan 14th, 2008 at 2:45 pm"Sacrifice now for future potential benefits"