Subscribe
Ryan Paugh graduated from Penn State in 2006 with a Bachelor's Degree in Journalism and a minor in Business. After working in corporate communications, freelance writing and reporting, he co-founded 
Email Ryan
Read more from Ryan
New here? Employee Evolution is a blog written by Ryan Healy. Ryan is a Co-Founder of Brazen Careerist, the webs #1 social network for young professionals. Ryan speaks with organizations on best practices for recruiting and retaining Generation Y and how to effectively use social media to reach your target market. To contact Ryan, please visit our contact page.
As a twenty-something, fear is not just another four-lettered word. It’s been a part of my life since I accepted my college diploma with the realization that I’m finally my own man. It’s something that plays a factor in most of the decisions I make. And that sucks, because life would be a lot easier if we didn’t have to think about negative outcomes.
But let’s face it, you can be the most courageously bold S.O.B. in the game and there will still be something out there that keeps you up at night. The difference is the bold ones know how to get a grip. And that’s important, because if you don’t, you’ll end up letting fear devour your life.
When fear reveals its ugly head, I reflect on how important my goals are and I arm myself mentally, the best way I know how.
Learn to Accept Reality
People get fired, people get dumped, people get sick and people die. Life is full of failures that we can’t avoid. They just happen. So to think about failure ahead of time – if it even happens – is pointless.
“Many of the changes in our lives, our society and environment are beyond our control,” says Gail Caissy, author of Unlock the Fear. “When change comes into our lives and there is nothing we can do about it, we have to accept it and learn to live with it.”
Prepare yourself for life’s inevitable failures, but never let them stop you. And always have an exit strategy.
Educate Yourself the Best You Can
The initial onset of fear can be totally irrational. More often than not, we bring ourselves to a state of anxiety before we even realize that there’s nothing to be afraid of in the first place.
Before I joined Brazen Careerist, Inc. I was scared about a lot of things. Mostly about how I was going to survive without a steady paycheck if things didn’t go the way we planned. I asked a lot of questions and got a lot of answers that made me feel better about taking the leap.
Then again, some of the answers were things I didn’t want to hear — like that failure was a possibility. But even educating yourself on the negative outcomes can build up your strength to move forward.
Some quality knowledge can make a big difference in combating your fear. Make a list of the things you are afraid of, and in your spare time, do a little research to gain an edge over the idle behavior that being afraid tends to induce.
Discipline Your Mind
Fear is a product of your imagination. It occurs when we imagine the ill-fated futures that we’d hate to see become a reality. Conquering this psychological dilemma takes an enormous amount of mental authority.
Dr. Don Greene, author of Fight You Fear and Win, says that in order to overcome fear you need to alter you impulses. “Act on desire,” he says, “rather than allow fear of failure or fear of the unknown to paralyze you.”
The way I see it, there’s two options. You can either think up a more joyful future or you can choose to forget about the future all together and live in the now.
I tend to steer clear of the “Cinderella” mentality. Dreaming up a fantasy world never solved anything. Instead, focus on the present. Consider all of the elements you need to accomplish in order to be a success. Then concentrate on execution.
Leave your thoughts here. (16 responses)
- 1 Pingback on Jan 8th, 2008 at 1:39 am
- 2 Pingback on Jan 9th, 2008 at 5:10 am
Good post! This is one of the best-written articles I’ve seen on this site, not to mention being dead on. Looking back, I had the dubious luxury of crashing and burning (both personally and professionally) at 22, so I’ve already faced what could have been the worst thing in my life and come through the other side.
I think fear will be an interesting dynamic to the Gen-Y crowd, being that many of us haven’t faced much of anything of real importance in their lives (iPod dying doesn’t count). That’ll really go far in separating new directions from shallow dreams.
Norcross:
I’m glad you enjoyed the article. It’s a good thing that you experienced a good “crash and burn” while you were so young. Honestly, I think failure builds serious character and makes us stronger in the future. So kudos for putting yourself out there and taking risks.
I agree, fear will be an interesting dynamic to watch with Gen-Y. I think the thing to watch is whether or not we live up to our expectations. We’re so determined to make something of ourselves, but whether or not we’re willing to take the risks and put in the time to make it happen has yet to be seen on the larger scale.
Thanks for commenting.
-RP
Great article! Especially the point of educating yourself about what you fear can make things a heck of a lot less scary sounding and even put your parents at ease as I learned in my last big semester of undergard in the fall.
Long story short I was failing a class in my major that I needed to graduate. My professor told me to give up and not waste time this semester and just retake it next fall, thus making me graduate a semester late thanks to one class. As expected, I freaked out and called my parents bawling my eyes out, freaking them out, then repeating this process with roommates and classmates later that night. Then it was time to take action. The next day I talked to 2 professors who had always been my mentors in the department since before I was a freshman to explain the situation and get other opinions. As a result, I discovered a door #2 option, they went to bat for me against the head of the department, and I graduated on time with a passing grade (and yes, I did earn the grade with tons of remeadial work the following spring).
But the important point was I didn’t give up because I feared failing. I gathered information to confront my fear and saved myself hundreds of hours of greif not to mention an extra semester of school!
Jen:
That’s a great example of when you should never let fear stand in the way and make you give up. When someone tells you that there’s nothing else you can do, they’re usually wrong.
And still, that’s all some people need to hear for them to mentally give up. I’m not sure if it’s laziness, fear or a combination of both, but it’s sad when all someone needs to give up is for someone else to tell them to.
Thanks for sharing.
-RP
I’m genuinely curious about how many Gen Ys *could* crash and burn because they were encouraged by their risk-taking Boomer parents and knew they could move back home if they crashed and burned? In other words, they had security and a backup plan even if they didn’t see it that way?
“People get fired, people get dumped, people get sick and people die. Life is full of failures that we can’t avoid.”
Yes, life is full of failures. But not everything negative is a failure. What if you are fired because someone sabotaged your work? What if you are dumped because the person you are with is afraid of committment? What if you get sick due to genetics and not lifestyle choices? And dying - as I see it - is not failure at all (unless your goal is to live forever). Dying is part of life, it just happens to be the final act.
Not trying to argue semantics…maybe I just have a different definition of failure than you.
Perfect entry for my first day back on co-op in the cubicle land of another large investment company.
Hope to be around on the site more often than I have been lately.
How’s everything going with the move to Madison and such?
Great post that I needed to hear with life changes happening. A few things that help me when facing fear…
Think about the absolute worst that could happen in a situation. If you can handle that, then what’s holding you back. Granted, it may not end up the way you had hoped, but it’s usually not the end of the world.
Why is it that the fear of the unknown overpowers the knowledge of our current situations? Think about it, so often, people (myself included) are in situations they know aren’t good or that don’t make them happy, yet stay there instead of trying something new. Break out of it…try something new. Make it exciting!
Thanks for the post. Great things to think about as the new year begins!
Scott:
I’m not sure if everyone in Generation Y has that option. But also, even if we do, it’s not a personal goal of ours to admit failure and run home to Mom and Dad. Believe me.
In fact, to me, having to give up and move back in with my parents is a “crash and burn” situation.
HR Wench:
Unfortunately, I think a lot of people view these things as failures. But one of the most important steps in overcoming the fear of failure is to mentally see things the way you do. So kudos for seeing things the way they should be seen.
As for the dying thing…yeah, you’re right, it’s a part of life. Basically, I was thinking in terms of a doctor, therapist or someone else who deals with people’s health. Maybe with that background mentioning death might make a little more sense.
Either way, it’s okay to argue semantics. I really don’t mind arguing about anything.
Danielle:
I’m glad you enjoyed the post, and it’s good to hear from you. Madison is going well. It’s warm this week, so I’m happy. Hopefully this hiatus from the frigid winter will last a little while longer.
Karen:
Thanks for tacking on some great thoughts. I hate it when I find myself in a terrible situation, yet for reason do nothing to change it. I’ve been there all-too-many times and I kick myself when I look back at it.
Best of luck in the new year.
-RP
Great post, Ryan!
I faced my post-graduation fear by taking a job in China. About a week after graduating with a degree in Latin American Studies, I came across the opportunity to teach English at a Chinese university. The requirements were to be a native speaker with a college degree, and the application deadline was one week after I found the posting. I had never studied Chinese or anything like that, but I couldn’t think of any good reasons not to go. This decision kept me up at night for several weeks, as I attempted to justify this random decision to myself.
To make a long story short, I just returned to the US after a year and a half of living and working in China. Though I have not yet decided on my next move, I feel empowered by the fact that (to paraphrase Dr. Don Greene above) I acted on my desire to try something new, rather than letting fear of the unknown paralyze me.
From my own experience, I think that trying something completely different is the best way to face such fear, as it eases the expectations and makes it possible to focus on one thing at a time.
@Leslie–so glad to hear your story. Kudos for learning early on not to let fear rule your life.
I’m interested in knowing what the reaction was from those around you (parents, friends, teachers, etc.) when they heard what you were doing, especially as it was something out of the blue/new opportunity. I’m doing something that sounds crazy to many people and though I feel great about it, I can tell they think I’m not making the right decision when I share with them. **This excludes my parents and best friend. They support me 100%.**
Another lesson I’ve learned is to not let others feedback override what you think/feel is right. No one knows you better than yourself!
Leslie:
Congrats on making such a good decision for yourself. I have a few friends myself who decided on doing something very similar. Some of them are still abroad, but the one that are back wouldn’t have traded the experience for the world.
Right now they’re struggling to find their place and coming to the realization that they’re a little bit behind, but the fact that they took such a unique path right out of school says a lot about their character and I have no doubt that they’ll find a great career path.
I’m sure you will too. Keep at it.
@Karen
Good luck with your crazy plans! When I first announced that I’d randomly decided to move to China, my parents and friends were pretty surprised. My teachers and other adults that I didn’t know very well were really excited for me. “Endorsements” from these adults helped me build confidence in my random plans. But my family and several friends came to see me in China, and I have several other friends who are now off on their own random adventures. I’ve tried to maintain contact with all of these people by sending occasional mass emails with anecdotes and pictures.
@Ryan
Yes, I agree that I’m a bit behind in the conventional sense, but I wouldn’t trade these experiences for the world. Now I’m trying to take my time to re-connect with old friends and think about where I want to be and what I want to do. I guess the most important lesson I have learned is that I can’t let anyone else make these decisions for me.
Leslie:
You’re absolutely right. And it’s smart of you to take some time to reconnect before you jump right into a new adventure. From what I understand, coming back from an experience like yours can be quite a culture shock. But of course, one that was well worth it.
Best of luck.