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Jackie Leventhal is a 24-year-old Washingtonian and a graduate of the University of Florida. Between the hours of 9-5, she searches for meaning in a partitioned universe of cubicles. She volunteers as an English teacher to immigrants, leads a women's writing group and finds solace on a hot pink yoga mat. She wants to be her own bestseller. For more about Jackie visit her 
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Here read the true tales of a young twenty-something cubicle dweller by day - dreamer of “there’s got to be more than this” by night - trying to find the moral of her everyday story. Walk with Jackie down cubicle lane every Wednesday as she humorously shares the pitfalls and high points of moving to a new city for her first job, building a life post 5 o’clock, and searching for meaning in every crevice of her stu-stu studio.
Dear Fellow Millennials,
In the beginning of a new year, social mores encourage us to look ahead, pursue those resolutions (before they disappear), and seek comfort in a year that promises to be better than the one that just concluded.
As a young professional, I wondered if the second year at a job that made me nauseous would reveal answers to the countless questions lurking inside me (i.e. What’s the point? When will it get better? Where’s the rescue boat? Why does everyone (seemingly) know what they want to do except for me?), or would I be left floundering in a deep pool of wonder?
Here are some situations that left me with a quizzical look on my kisser:
Wonder #1 - Sitting in boardroom meetings with people who felt empowered by leather chairs on wheels (not I), I often wondered if anyone else had removed their shoes and were sitting cross-legged. Do other people’s feet not touch the floor too? Oh how I wondered.
Wonder #2 - Apparently someone I worked with thought that I worked for her. I can recall a wonder-full occurrence when she came over to my cubicle with a letter, an envelope (address label already typed and fixed to the outside), and asked me to mail it for her. Ok, let me make sure that I’m not confused. You wrote the letter, you went so far as to type and print an address label, and now you want me to fold the letter, put it in the envelope, seal it, and drop it in the mail bin 4 ft. from your cubicle? Right, so indeed you are a lazy [enter expletive] with a chip on your shoulder. That placed her in my “dead to me” category.
Wonder #3 - Why did I work on my birthday? Magnum did give me a birthday lunch at my favorite Thai restaurant and let me invite some co-workers (Neighbor was there for sure). Everyone (and I mean everyone) got a cake on their birthday, even those birthday folks who most people didn’t like. Shortly after my lunch soirée, Magnum came into my cubicle with tears in her eyes and said, “This is why I’m [she’s] a horrible mother.”
Me: Why, Magnum?
Magnum: “Because I forgot to order you a cake.”
Okay. Alright, I’ll get through this. It’s only a very insignificant year (23) and I’m at my pathetically low paying job. Who needed icing for a pick-me up? I did.
Wonder #4 - How do well-educated professionals find it an impossible task to remove their edibles from the community fridge prior to the food spoiling and turning putrid colors?
Wonder #5 - Why did so many female co-workers wear pants that weren’t long enough? Nothing bothered me more.
Wonder #6 - Why didn’t people re-stock the paper in the printer after doing a 500 page print job? Does toilet paper etiquette not apply to Hewlett Packard?
Wonder #7 - Speaking of the loo, why did so many co-workers (I mean you, ladies) abstain from squatting? You would have thought you were in an elementary school bathroom by the dangling feet and pants around the ankles visible from under the bathroom stall doors. Gross. Nothing bothered me more.
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Alright, let me see if I can provide some insight to some of these:
Wonder#2 - How exactly did you deal with this person, because I can’t seem to think of a way to respond to that kind of behavior without being a total buttbag. My standard response would be to pull up a copy of the org chart and point to the part indicating that you don’t work for her.
Wonder#3 - Nothing blunts the frustration of working for “the man” quite like massive amounts of carbs. I can see why you were disappointed.
Wonder#4 - Admittedly, I’m a transgressor in this, I have a protein shake in our fridge that hasn’t been touched in months (at least it’s hermetically sealed so it won’t spoil, so I think). My best guess as to why this always happens: spoiled food can create financial opportunities later, as in, “I’ll eat that green spaghetti if you give me $5″.
Wonder#6 - Oh, how I wish there was a concrete set of printer etiquette rules. We could include such things as, “Not fixing a paper jam and causing the printing queue to grow to enormous size.” and “Let’s print out my personal photos in full color, thus killing the color cartridge for when someone needs to print out a pretty chart for actual business purposes.”
Wonder#7 - Ummm, what are you doing looking under the stalls in the bathroom?
What’s wrong with not squatting if you put paper on the seat? Not all of us have strong thigh muscles. My beef is with squatters who can’t aim into the toilet and sprinkle all over the seat. Are they even trying or just marking their territory like animals?
I love a good numbered list. It’s even better when they’re witty. Thank you
Add Wonder #8: Will I never be appreciated as more than just a body in a chair? How can they ever know what I am and am not capable of until they let me try, and possibly fail? I’ve never understood why companies aren’t willing to let young employees take on a big project just to see if they can. If we screw up, then you know we aren’t ready for such things, but if we succeed, that’s one more person who can be a real help to you in crunch time. I think people would be surprised at how much effort and passion we’ll put into something if we believe it will actually have some sort of measurable impact.
How did you respond to #2? I always like to fall back on my southern accent at times like that and ask sweetly “oh, is the postage machine broken? Should I call the office manager?” Nothing conceals anger and bitchiness quite like drawling your vowels.
Hi Andy - When she asked me to mail the letter for her, I paused for an extended period of time and then just looked straight back at my computer and flatly said, “Ok.” When it came time for her 6-month review and our manager asked co-workers who worked with the letter-monster for feedback, I tactfully wripped her apart with words and recounted the letter situation. Our manager apologized to me for being treated that way and said to keep her posted if it happened again. I heard the 6 month review discussion (cubicle walls are thin), and the letter-monster was critiqued for her failure to make other employees feel valued. I then smiled from ear to ear in my cubicle (a rare occurrence).
And I wasn’t looking under the stall doors. You could see the lapse in sanitation from the angle afforded when you walked into the restroom.
Hi Allison - You must learn to squat. It’s a dirty world out there. Like the song goes, “Put your back in to it.”
Hi Brad - You sound like your motivations are in the right place. Do you ask for a chance to work on the more substantive projects? If not, you should; don’t wait for them to carve your path. If you do ask and they decline, see if they will let you shadow the person who has the lead on the project so you can learn by example and prove how much you want to do similar work. I’d hate to think that a boss would decline such a well-intentioned request.
Hi Aimee - I’m from the South, but Florida, so I don’t have the accent weapon. You’re a lucky (and witty) belle.
Do you babysit your boss (besides acting as a therapist for her)? Because you should be paid extra for that.
“Wonder #2 - Apparently someone I worked with thought that I worked for her. …”
You just missed an opportunity to bitch-slap somebody. Ha ha. No seriously, you must never stoop that low again or you’re just dirt.
“Wonder #3 - Why did I work on my birthday? …”
Yeah. Why?
“Wonder #6 - Why didn’t people re-stock the paper in the printer after doing a 500 page print job? …”
Again, this in the “you become dirt” category. Stock only that which you use or you become “the copy paper filler girl”
“Wonder #7 - …abstain from squatting? You would have thought you were in an elementary school bathroom …”
Uhhhhh - you are on your own here kid. Don’t spend too much time in that bathroom or somebody will acuse you of a wide stance. (har) No seriously, in this area, you do sound a little odd. Keep your difficulty with sitting on a toilet to yourself. It is getting verrrry personal.
A parting word: take some pleasure in setting up boundaries (no - you’re not mailing letters for others) and focus on your own positive work, attitude, appearance (you won’t wear short pants) and sort of rise above it all, even if it’s just a facade for the moment. This is just a stepping stone to where ya wanna be.
Love your writing!
my question to you, jackie, why do you insist on squatting? seats are made for sitting….should we adios the toilets and get those squatting johns like in random parts of europe? a few years ago, i resolved to sit on any toilet excepting the ones with visible tinkle on them. possibly for the same reason that my kids will play in the dirt. i wash myself and my clothes regularly. we’re all human. my fingers point to the squatters as the ones who make the bathroom dirty in the first place. if folks didn’t squat, how would the urine get on the seat in the first place.
on this, your seventh wonder, we will have to agree to disagree. but i do LOVE your wednesday musings:)