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Jackie Leventhal is a 24-year-old Washingtonian and a graduate of the University of Florida. Between the hours of 9-5, she searches for meaning in a partitioned universe of cubicles. She volunteers as an English teacher to immigrants, leads a women's writing group and finds solace on a hot pink yoga mat. She wants to be her own bestseller. For more about Jackie visit her 
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New here? Employee Evolution is dedicated to helping the Millennial generation answer the hard-hitting questions that come with the biggest transition of our lives. Be sure to visit our about section for the full story. Since you're here, check out our best articles in the archives. We've also put together a list of some Millennial-friendly employers on our jobs page. Any questions? Feel free to contact us.
Here read the true tales of a young twenty-something cubicle dweller by day - dreamer of “there’s got to be more than this” by night - trying to find the moral of her everyday story. Walk with Jackie down cubicle lane every Wednesday as she humorously shares the pitfalls and high points of moving to a new city for her first job, building a life post 5 o’clock, and searching for meaning in every crevice of her stu-stu studio.
Dear Fellow Millennials,
It’s the day after Christmas. I can’t imagine that many people are even reading this (though I hope so bad that you are). So, let’s just cut to the chase.
What’s in a Name?
At an all-company meeting, the CEO announced that assistants (my rank at the time) in the company did essential work and functioned at levels higher than assistants at other companies. “So,” announced just another phony in Washington, “we’ve decided to change the title of Assistant to Associate; it should make you feel valued and better about coming to work each day.”
Call me crazy (and some have), but wouldn’t validating our work with fair pay (even close to fair) be more effective and make us feel like we weren’t being used?
Corporate Report Card
Shortly after the title change shenanigans, I had my annual review with Magnum and was promoted from Assistant to Senior Assistant. I mean Senior Associate. How could I let that one slip? I must have self-esteem issues and deep rooted feelings of inadequacy. Right…
I got a raise which equaled an amount I should have been earning since day one (1!). Magnum was excited for my promotion and seemed a little surprised at my inertia, that being limp body language (as if she had shot me) and a can-I-go-now? expression.
The one critique bestowed upon me was that I occasionally seemed “defensive” when asked to do things I didn’t feel comfortable doing. First of all, I’m a 5’2” woman and therefore an easy target; I must always be defensive. Perhaps this is a result of being harassed daily while a resident of Brussels. But that’s a whole other narrative.
Magnum’s criticism related to my discomfort with assembling online learning courses, including the synchronization of elaborate presentations with sound bytes, learning games, and other technical elements I’ve since blocked from my memory. Well, yes, as a SOCIOLOGY major, I didn’t think it was appropriate for me to be doing something highly technical with basically no training. To my defense (since I seem to be good at that), the IT staff members also had difficulty with the online learning software and validated my frustrations (read: offered me tissues).
I responded to Magnum’s criticism with, “I’m a trained social thinker. I never professed to have technical skills beyond checking my email.”
I was praised for my communication and customer service skills with clients (if she only knew that I silently cursed them dead throughout the day). Magnum also gave me high marks for quenching the dissatisfaction she felt with regard to her social life.
For example: “Jackie, the women in my neighborhood created a book club but didn’t include me; I want a book club!” Magnum said with a desperate and vicious tone.
At the time of my annual review, we were reading the third selection from the company book club I created for her. To this day, it’s no wonder why I suffer from battered corporate syndrome.
Happy Holidays From the Company That Neglects to Pay You Fairly
They didn’t pay a livable wage, but my former company knew how to throw one heck of a party. My date to the company holiday party was my sister, Julie. Story of my life. A fine date she was, except for insisting that I checked to make sure nothing was in her teeth after each hors d’oeuvres she sampled.
My night consisted of saying things such as: Two teeth to the right. No, no your other right. You got it! It’s a small seed; no one will be able to see it. No, Julie, I’m not sticking my finger in your mouth in front of my co-workers.
How Sweet it Wasn’t
For the annual holiday baking competition, yours truly was chosen to be one of three mystery judges; a dream realized, my friends. Or so I thought.
I agreed to the pastry-gun-to-my-head therefore I must taste everything twice proposition before taking some vacation time. When I returned to work, the baking competition organizer (dream crusher) said that I was replaced because she couldn’t find me to confirm. Umm, is this a dentist appointment? So much for my track record of being friends with everyone in the company.
Spreading Rumors
En route to the communal kitchen, I passed Trevor, the IT guy who had been employed at the company for over eight years. The average length of stay was around one (1!) year. Trevor had seen a lot in his tenure, which was why I was surprised that he seemed so surprised when I threw my arms out to the side and said, “I quit,” while walking by him. I just wanted to see what it felt like to say it.
Wishing you a new year full of happy,
Jackie
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Jackie, nice post. I’ve always found that titles were nothing but what they are, titles… until of course, you are looking for a new job and want to look important on your resume. Then, I must say, Associate sounds better than Assistant, don’t you think?
What did the IT guy say when you say you quit? Another one bites the dust?
Hi Allison - Agreed. For me, a title is meaningless unless I’m trying to leverage it to my benefit, like in an interview/on paper. As for the IT guy, he quickly turned around and blurted out, “what?!?!?!” Juuuust kidding, I said.
My company loves titles and plaques, but hates raises. In my department there are assistants (like me), associates, senior associates, analysts, senior analysts, a “research coordinator”, and a director. Pretty much all of us make squat, and the only raises we see are the 3% automatics that come at the end of the fiscal year. Truly, it’s the worst way to drive productivity, as most of us realize that no matter how hard we work there’s no way to get ahead so we simply do just enough work not to get fired. It’s a soul-killing experience, it truly is.
At least titles are better than numbers. At my company, I’m an “Engineer II”. The big problem with this? After working here for 3.5 years I can’t figure out if higher numbers are better or vice versa.
Occasionally I find that making up my own title is somewhat fulfilling. “Vice-Associate Executive Analysis Engineer First Class” sounds substantially more impressive, although I might run out of room on my business cards.
I think titles are generally laughable, but I realize their place and the need for some basic hierarchy. The problem I have is that the naming schemes are always the most convoluted and unintuitive. I am an ______ senior advisor. That is one step up from ______ advisor. So far so good. But at this point, we get the modifiers of “officer,” avp, vp, svp, etc. Now if someone can tell me what the hell you are the vice president of, I’d be greatly appreciative. Especially when my boss is a vp, but there are senior people who are svp that work for him, etc. It makes absolutely no sense.
Generally speaking, because my title is completely non-descript and no one ever understands what I do, I just stick with “project manager.”
Beware of the inevitable chip which somehow makes its was onto everyone shoulder at some point in time. I’m non gender typical for my field, and I’ve always been one of few, if not the only girl, in everything I’m involved in. I am also younger then people expect me to be, so I often feel that older people automatically throw out what i say before actually processing it. Because I am this minority (per se) I do feel like I have to constantly prove myself, and if I can’t do something, or I’m placed in a situation where I will may possible seem uneducated or ignorant, I will get defensive about it. Instead of protecting myself that just makes me look like I can’t control my emotions. I learned one sign of a good employee and strong leader is they know when to ask for help.
We are all a target for something; you just can’t let other people know what for.