Subscribe
Ryan Healy graduated Penn State University in the Spring of 2006. He recently left his consulting position to start 
Email Ryan
Read more from Ryan
New here? Employee Evolution is dedicated to helping the Millennial generation answer the hard-hitting questions that come with the biggest transition of our lives. Be sure to visit our about section for the full story. Since you're here, check out our best articles in the archives. We've also put together a list of some Millennial-friendly employers on our jobs page. Any questions? Feel free to contact us.
I’ve written before about the benefits of moving home with your parents following graduation. Many people disagree, but I’m convinced that – as long as you do it for the right reasons – moving home after graduation is the most responsible thing you can do.
Of course, there are always those people who use mom and dad as a crutch and fail to grow up because they’re living at home. But there are also a good amount of people that move home to payoff their $21,100 (on average) debt, and save a little cash before moving to a city and paying $1,000 plus per month for rent.
After discussing the issue with a few friends and hearing some interesting stories, I’ve found two more interesting ways to leverage your family connections following graduation.
The relative option
Matt Goldberg, of The Big Transition wrote an interesting post about “the relative option.” Matt tells a story about his cousin, Jess, who graduated from college and wanted a job in PR. The problem was an entry-level PR job in New York would not cover rent and expenses. But her parents lived in Allentown, PA, and the commute to New York was not realistic.
So Jess called in a favor to her relatives who lived outside of New York City. She temporarily moved in with them and landed a job with the NBA. Not only did she score a great job, but she was near friends in New York, and she could actually enjoy a social life while paying off loans.
What a great idea! If mom and dad don’t live in the most appealing city for a 22 year old, and your chosen profession doesn’t pay enough to cover rent, figure out what relatives or family friends live in the area and ask if they can help.
I don’t need this job, I live with my parents
A good friend of mine, we’ll call him Pat, has been at his job for about two years now. The job started out great. He’s been doing computer programming, learning new things every day, getting paid well and beginning to take on management responsibilities. What more could he ask for?
The problem is, Pat’s been really bored recently. He’s being assigned the same jobs now as he was eight months ago, but they’re no longer interesting because he can do them blindfolded. He had his performance review the other day. Like usual, his boss told him he was doing a great job and to keep up the good work.
Pat replied, “Thank you, I appreciate it.”
But then he decided to ask for some challenging work. He explained the situation and said that he was at the job to learn and get experience, and he feels like he stopped learning.
The company told him that it would take a lot of time to go through all the approval processes to give him some more challenging work. So Pat said,
“Ok, if I can’t get new assignments, can I at least have a raise?”
Again, they told him no because it would take months to go through all the approval processes to get him a raise. Finally he replied:
“I live with my parents. I don’t need this job. I want more challenging work, or at the least, I want some more compensation.”
I don’t think things are quite settled with the situation, but I would bet he’s going to get a nice little raise or some new responsibilities.
The most interesting thing about this whole situation is that Pat was not being unreasonable. All he wanted was to continue learning! Since he couldn’t do that, he asked for more money.
Sure, this tactic may sound immature or unfair to older workers who are responsible for a spouse, kids and a mortgage. But it’s business, and just like your company will do whatever they can to keep your salary low, you do whatever you can to get the upper hand. Even if that means using the fact that you live with mom and dad as a negotiating tool.
Popularity: 8%
Leave your thoughts here. (20 responses)
- 1 Pingback on Dec 19th, 2007 at 12:26 am
- 2 Pingback on Dec 21st, 2007 at 11:10 pm
Ryan:
“Pat” is being an idiot. He’s not going to get a raise or better job at his company - he’s going to get canned.
I’m all about developing and growing at work. And sometimes that is learning that your boss is not your parent and your job is not a classroom. Sometimes it sucks - and that’s why they pay you.
Frankly, I would not use the fact that you’re shacked up with your folks as a negotiating tool. You are correct, it does look immature. And I suspect that there is another young programmer out there who will shut up and do the job.
-Suzanne
PS. You know I love you guys, but you were off the mark on this one.
While living with the parents could be a good move personally for finances it’s not something you want to be sharing in the workplace or on the dating scene.
I do understand your point though. Although I’m not living WITH my parents, I am living off them rent free by living in their real estate investment. Not that I have loans to pay off because they paid for my undergrad and graduate degree, but I wouldn’t be able to live on my current salary if I was paying rent elsewhere or had loans to pay off.
If Pat were my employee and said this to me, I’d think he was being immature (and adults shouldn’t live with their parents if they’re going to see it as a means of “not needing” a job). A good company is always going to assume good employees have options and can leave for another job. But an employee who frames it as “my parents will take care of me” rather than “I can be hired by a company that gives me career development and pays me what I’m worth” is not an employee I’ll have much respect for.
Pat should frame his negotiations based on his worth to the company, not his own personal financial needs or lack thereof. If he said this to me, I’d be inclined to tell him to take it or leave it. I wouldn’t go out on a limb to change anything for him.
Don’t you think it would be a good idea to wait and see how this tactic pays off for your friend Pat before recommending it to others? Chances are good he’s going to be isolated at the company as a result of it (and almost definitely the first to be laid off if that ever becomes necessary now that he’s assured them it wouldn’t cause him any pain). This strikes me as a really naive post, hearing your friend did something and deciding to recommend it to the world without waiting to see how it works out for him. At many (maybe most) offices Pat would be mocked behind closed doors, not given a raise and probably not given more responsibility since he’s just shown himself to be naive and juvenile about how this stuff worked. I mean, he asked for more responsibility and his boss said yeah but it would take some time to make it happen, and he threw this little tantrum? Most companies would just write him off, not fire him, but not take him seriously.
I’d be inclined to agree with the others about “Pat.” I would think that if he gets what he wants on this one it sets a dangerous precedent. Also, I can’t imagine telling my boss “I don’t need you, I live with my parents.” I’d be out the door in an hour and she’d never miss me. I’ve been at my job for 8 months as well, and I’m also bored. But I won’t get a promotion because our department is full, and I won’t get a raise because those are only approved at the end of the fiscal year in June. It’s the opportunity cost of staying with a company. If you don’t like your responsibilities or compensation, then you have to determine wheter it’s worth it to quit and look for a new job. For “Pat” with no bills it’s fine, but for people like me with a wife in grad school and rent to pay you can’t really take such bold action.
I had a feeling this one would generate some heated debate. Thanks for the comments!
While I understand where you are all coming from, the real point here is that we should all do whatever we can to get the upper hand in negotiations and maybe take a little control back from the corporations. Pat did frame his negotiations around his value to the company, but that tactic didn’t work, so he (half jokingly) said he lives with his parents and he’s not dependent on the job for survival.
Whether its living with your parents, starting a business on the side, or anything else, everyone should have some way of not being dependent on their jobs for survival. If not, you will always be at the mercy of your company. This was Pat’s way of eliminating his risk, and trying to get ahead in the process.
-Ryan
I don’t really understand what Pat hoped to accomplish. Unless he’s a superstar, his greatly overestimating his worth to the company. It’s nice to feel like you’re backing “the man” back into a corner, but the reality is that the average employee is easily replicable. The fact is that he has definitely exposed that he has nothing to lose, or at least represented that position, to where the company now should feel absolutely no obligation to further accommodate him.
That is not to say I don’t understand what you’re saying Ryan, you would like employees to have an actual seat at the bargaining table. As entry level, that might not be the case, but I have seen how fast stock can rise when you have results and names to back you up. Perhaps Pat is extremely talented, perhaps he’s just middle of the road, but if he doesn’t have the results and demonstration of his talent, the threat really won’t do much for him. It’s definitely a net negative action, and he can only lose out in the long run by making it. I don’t think he did anything to eliminate the job risk or his dependency, he basically just showed his hand at the poker table, and they’ll be able to play him without ever showing their cards.
If you are going to rely on your relatives like that you’ll need to stay in touch, something many of the people in our generation do not do. Here is a great way I have found to do so:
6 Steps to Effortless Inter-Generational Communication.
OK everyone. Ignore the “I live with my parents” statement for a moment.
Now, wouldn’t you say that the rest Pat’s negotiation tactics were pretty standard? I didn’t see his statements (which I’m sure were paraphased by Ryan) as being out of line. He’s asking for what he wants, and leveraging his value to the company. He got a good review. He’s asking for more responsibility or more money, based on that good review. And he’s implying that he is willing and able to look somewhere else for a job because he’s not currently that satisfied at his current job, if they don’t (or can’t) fufill his very reasonable requests.
I think most of replies were hung-up on the subjective impression the “I live with my parents” statement gave. Instead, I would focus on the intent of the article, which is that living with your parents gives you additional freedom to take a chance early in your career.
One word. Foreign worker (Asian, Indian, Eastern European) who is more hungry, talented, experienced, educated… and get this… far less demanding. Tough choice Bob!
@Scott M – I agree, employees should leverage their skills. But the problem is that he essentially said “I don’t need you.” The reasons behind it could be different, say you won the lottery, inherited millions, whatever, the point is that he said “I don’t need you” to his employer, and unless you’re really a superstar at what you do, the employer probably will not, and shouldn’t, care less about you either.
Ah, lifestyles of the upper middle class…
Ok everyone, I see where this is going. The less you grow up with, the more you have to lose with each failure because you have less resources at your disposal to start over. If you grow up with $1 million dollars, then you can assume this person’s parents have connections and that individual is less inclined to put forth more effort to achieve more.
“negotiations around his value to the company, but that tactic didn’t work”
Seems to me that he isn’t worth what he thinks he is. Frankly, I’ve never heard of a company that will intentionally keep more difficult work uncompleted, while a “superstar” is doing menial work.
“He explained the situation and said that he was at the job to learn and get experience … “
Frankly, that’s a risky admission. I don’t know exactly how “Pat” postured this, but I suspect that a lot of people in the business world are going to read this as, “I’m here to learn as much as I can so I can leave and take it with me.”
I also had to laugh at the non-sequitur of “Ok, if I can’t get new assignments, can I at least have a raise?” What exactly is Pat negotiating? With some persistence, he can probably make an effective case for either of those two things, but they have nothing to do with each other. If I were the supervisor, a request like that would indicate to me that Pat is simply a bored young man looking to pick a fight to fill his time.
I’m sorry but Pat’s story does not demonstrate good negotiation skills or tactics. He may think he’s gotten the upper hand by saying ” I don’t need this job, I live with my parents” but he has just negotiated himself out of a future promotion. He has just demonstrated to his boss that his not clearly NOT ready for more responsibility, as he threw a tantrum the one time he didn’t get what he wanted. Pat would have been better of asking how he can involved in the more challenging projects, such as volunteering his time, working on his own projects to demonstrate his readiness or working with another department to “learn more”. Also, we all do boring shit at work …. its part of working. Some of those boring things are actually really important and need to get done.
I am a college-educated woman from a middle class family, plugging away at my first post-college, corporate job–very much like the target group of Gen-Yers described here. However, unlike most of peers it seems, I counted down the days until the first day of Freshman year when I got on a plane and landed 3,000 miles away from home in my newly-adopted hometown.
I was excited at the prospect of doing things on my own, being free to accomplish (and fail) at whatever I wanted. I consider myself very fortunate that my parents were able to pay for all of my tuition and most of my living expenses the first few years.
But even in light of my financial comforts, I wasn’t content to just sit around and live off my family’s money. I got a job, sometimes multiple jobs, and worked while I went to school. By my senior year I was able to pay rent on my shared apartment, cover most of my living expenses (flights home and gifts were the only exception) and hold down two exclusive internships while pulling down a 3.8 GPA and graduating cum laude with honors.
Granted, there were times where I returned bags of clothing so I could put money back in my overdrawn bank account, lived in not-so-nice apartments, and took the bus everywhere but I all of those experiences have better prepared me to deal with little bumps not only in life but also in business.
I agree that it’s important to start saving money early and contribute to retirement accounts but you don’t have to rely on mom and dad to get there in your early twenties. People have been surviving hardships for generations. Our parents and our parents’ parents, they didn’t live out of their parents’ basements until they were thirty. Sure, it may not be as glamorous or comfy when mom isn’t cleaning your room or taking out the trash, but you’ll grow-up to be a better person for it.
This cracks me up. Maybe it’s because I have read Strauss and Howe (and others), and because I went to grad school to study student development. It’s interesting to see a website that is just SCREAMING what I have learned in school. It is most definitely a characteristic of the Millennial generation to use parents as a crutch.
The parent-child relationship is so funny with this generation considering how, for most of us, it was our parents who craved such a disconnect from their parents and now here they are smothering us with that attention that they despised when they were growing up.
The catch, though, is that we expect that attention and support and would, for the most part, be upset if we didn’t have it.