Here read the true tales of a young twenty-something cubicle dweller by day - dreamer of “there’s got to be more than this” by night - trying to find the moral of her everyday story. Walk with Jackie down cubicle lane every Wednesday as she humorously shares the pitfalls and high points of moving to a new city for her first job, building a life post 5 o’clock, and searching for meaning in every crevice of her stu-stu studio.

Dear Fellow Millenials,

Two months into my first job and with a perfect attendance record, I guess I lived up to Allen’s definition for success. The remaining 20 percent slice of the success pie (it’s always food with me) depended on the most challenging part of my day. Around 5:02 p.m. (not one to linger), I’d wait for the elevator to take me out of cubicle headquarters. There were four elevators, two on each side of the 8th floor lobby. When the bell dinged to signal the arrival of the elevator, I would attempt to turn toward the just-dinged elevator. This was basically a hearing test that I failed four out of five days each week.

I continued to explore my co-worker relationships (good way to pass idle time) and set out to fill the unpaid hours of my life with activities that spoke to the student and hip-hop dancer in me.

Blessed Neighbor

Neighbor sneezed two to three times everyday, without fail, so I began saying “bless you” to break the ice (pacify my superstitious soul) and promote cross-cube dialogue. Each “bless you” made Neighbor laugh. Neighbor said that I was like the voice of God blessing her. Yeah, that’s me.

As the sneezing persisted, Neighbor and I got more comfortable with each other. And by comfortable, I mean that Neighbor started tossing Jolly Rancher candies (favorite flavor watermelon) over our shared partition. She became my conscience in a way, where I just vocalized random thoughts that popped into my head.

“I could use some dark chocolate.”
“I think I need a haircut.”
“I’m especially cold today.”

On occasion, she’d briefly respond or grunt. Some people actually had work to do.

Wake up, Little Bossy, Wake up

On the metro heading to work, I hooked my arm around a pole so as not to somersault into the lap of a business-suit clad man (it’s happened before) and spotted Magnum sound asleep. I leaned toward her, as far as my grip on the pole would allow, and whispered, “Boss…wakey, wakey.” She jumped, blinked repeatedly, and then looked up to see who had stirred her sleep. I couldn’t tell if she was smiling or baring her teeth at me like a wolf prepared to attack.

The first sign of Magnum taking a liking to me was an occasion when she called me into her office. I was so nervous that before entering, I (Jewish) crossed myself the way I had seen people do it on TV by way of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Desperate times call for desperate measures.

Turns out she wanted to show me a purse she bought on her lunch hour. I thought it was tacky, so I told her she had a really unique sense of style. Magnum smiled to herself and seemed pleased. This began a pattern that would lead to the most critical lesson I’d learn at my first job - do not allow yourself to be befriended (beyond reason) by your boss.

Bros

Throughout the day, Dark-humored Dan and I “shot the shit” as he referred to our exchanges. We addressed each other with masculine nicknames like Champ, Chief, Buddy, Man, Dude, and my personal favorite nickname for the Darth Vader of the office, “oh captain, my captain” (remember Dead Poet’s Society?). Dark-humored Dan said that if he was the captain of the ship, then I should have been prepared to drown.

Play Time

Looking back on the things that sustained me during 20 months at a job I largely loathed, it was the structured activities I did after 5:00 p.m. that connected me with interesting people and saved my brain from spoilage. For starters:

-I joined a book club that met once a month at a Mediterranean restaurant. Hummus and prose – fabulous.

-I took a knitting class (jumped on that trendy bandwagon) and eventually finished a scarf during a season that was too warm for neck coverage.

-I did a continuing education class at Georgetown University, learned what a Hoya was, and became the teacher’s pet. Story of my life.

-For exercise and family bonding, I took a hip-hop dance class with my sister. The instructor – a choreographer on a reality TV show involving competitive dancing – asked for my number. He called only between 2:00 – 4:00 am. I never answered, but I suspect that he didn’t want to take me out to dinner.

When I told Magnum about my extracurricular discoveries, she kept saying that these were things she “always wanted to do.” Her unwavering interest unnerved me, so I thought about testing her with something obscure like, “I just found out about this weekly online chat group for people who are into girl-on-girl Tibetan porn…you in?” And if she was game, I’d grab my desk organizer and run.

Happy Wednesday,
Jackie

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