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Ryan Paugh graduated from Penn State in 2006 with a Bachelor's Degree in Journalism and a minor in Business. After working in corporate communications, freelance writing and reporting, he co-founded 
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Crying at work has long been seen as verboten. But there’s evidence that a growing number of workers, especially those in their 20s and 30s, see it differently. Some think it’s old-fashioned to hide your emotions. Others are quick to cry over negative feedback. And many find themselves at odds with managers who grew up with a more repressive definition of professional conduct.
Sue Shellenbarger – The Wall Street Journal
All girls cry during their first real job. At least that’s what my female friends tell me. Whether true or simply a stereotype, who doesn’t get a little emotional over something they’ve invested so much time in?
Sue Shellenbarger’s article, Read This and Weep: Crying at Work Gains Acceptance, explains the perks of showing emotion at work. “Some say crying gets issues out in the open…this sparks healthy dialogue…it’s old-fashioned to hide your emotions.”
Personally, I’ve caught several employees in the act – restraining an avalanche of emotion. If these frustrations were conveyed openly, petty concerns could be resolved with ease. We just need to develop an ability to cope with what has become taboo – actually dealing with human nature.
Professor Jean Twenge suggests that the millennial generation is too damn fragile. Give us a little criticism and we “burst into tears.” First and foremost, I say screw her! Secondly, learning to cope with our emotions and the emotions of others is way overdue.
Think of all the time you spend pissed off at a colleague, silently cursing their very name because you didn’t see eye-to-eye on a proposal. Now imagine not suppressing how you really felt…I smell progress.
Managers! When an employee cries, don’t make assumptions. Take some advice from Shellenbarger’s article. Confront issues the right way:
DON’T
1 Jump to conclusions about the reason
2 Assume they want a hug
3 Write them off as weak
DO
1 Ask if they’d like to postpone the conversation
2 Allow time for emotions to cool
3 Try a different approach to the topic
At the risk of sounding sexist, I’ve never seen a guy cry at work. Maybe slamming our fists on the desk is just an equivalent. Then again, I’m sure it happens, but nobody will admit it. Of course there’s a difference between a few shed tears or fist pounds and the landslide of emotion that plagues some individuals. Draw the line where emotions impede productivity. Just don’t bottle it all up. Emotion is bound to ensue when you put your soul into your career. Why hide it?
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Leave your thoughts here. (7 responses)
- 1 Pingback on Aug 17th, 2007 at 6:43 am
While I’m not sure I advocate crying, more and more I’m finding that healthily dealing with emotions is a key to success in any situation. I guess it makes sense that if you want to have a workplace enfused with passion for the job, then you’re also going to have a workplace that needs to cope with displays of that emtion.
Rachel:
I agree, passion is important. I also think it’s important for the workplace to learn to cope with emotion. For so long I’ve heard “leave the drama at the door,” but drama doesn’t take a nap during your 9 to 5. We’re supposed to be robots while we’re at the office? Not me!
I don’t advocate crying either…but let’s face it, some people just cry. They can’t help it. I don’t think it should be looked down upon or seen as something you need to hide.
Thanks for commenting.
I cried at my first job 10 years ago. It was not because of weakness but because of anger. I was too inexperienced to know how to deal with the “problem people” in the workplace. Now that I have learned the skills, I don’t need to cry. If the issue is big, I do yoga over it, and if it is still there I let myself go and shed the tears.
Confession: I am an emotional person. (Please do not read “overly sensitive.”) Sometimes a struggle against tears for seemingly no reason, let alone in an emotionally charged conversation. However, to the best of my ability, I have a very strict policy of no tears at work.
I will admit that I have failed at upholding this policy a few times. In the most memorable circumstance, it was due to an inexperienced manager who didn’t know the difference between a performance review and a personal attack. But I learned a lot from this experience. I could probably write a thesis on how this experience left me with very definitive ideas about the differences between working for a male and female boss.
The most important thing I learned, though, is that (especially in the male-dominated industries I’ve chosen) crying on the job chips away your credibility. It took quite a while before things returned to normal with my boss after my teary encounter.
My advice is to avoid crying at work at all costs because, as Ryan wisely mentioned, we need to deal with each others’ emotional issues before anyone gets to the point of a breakdown. We invest a lot in our jobs, and because of that passion, emotionally charged conversations are bound to happen, but if we deal with our issues responsibly, no one will feel that they’ve been pushed to the brink before it’s settled.
Girls cry more than guys. In my experience, it’s just a plain fact. They might be biologically inclined to do so but I’m positive that men would cry more too if it wasn’t considered a huge taboo.
Right now, the only men allowed to cry are athletes who retire or get traded after a long period of identification with a particular team. (eg Wayne Gretzky and the Edmonton Oilers).
This might very well change over time but if so, it won’t be because Gen X or Gen Y or Gen Q has invented crying for men. It will be because of an evolution of the culture which they inherit. Just like they inherited cars, computers, tv’s, etc.
I highly recommend two books on how to get better results in high stakes, emotional discussions - they are Crucial Conversations (on disagreements and misunderstandings) and Crucial Confrontations (dealing with broken promises and bad behavior). I’ve been a trainer for years, and these books have some of the most practical advice and logical approach I’ve ever seen. It is presented in a work environment, but the skills apply in all interpersonal relationships. We CAN get better results AND improve our relationships along the way - it is NOT an ‘either/or’ choice to do one or the other. In tough situations, our tendency is to go to ’silence or violence’ - either withholding information or trying to compel others to our way of thinking. Neither works. Dialogue does, but emotion often gets in the way. So the trick is to channel emotion to being more curious about the situation and less angry, and to avoid ‘telling stories’ where we tend to fill in with the worst possible scenario when we really don’t have enough information to make that judgement! This is called the fundamental attribution error - very human thing to do, but it can be overcome. Enough! You can tell I’m passionate about this stuff - enjoy the books!